TECHNICANS

Technical talk is often difficult to understand by people not initiated in the technical arts.

Listed below are some terms that are used commonly by technicians, and an explanation of what
they actually mean.

STUFFED ...
A description of an item of equipment indicating that it does not work quite as well as when it was
new. This situation is not expected to change in the near future.

FUCKED ...
Terminally stuffed.

FUCK ME DEAD ...
A technical expression meaning that after you have totally stripped an assembly you didn't really
need to, you have read the manual to discover a major warning in bold type saying never to touch
that part under any circumstances whatsoever, as it requires factory (overseas) realignment.

FUCK IT ALL ...
An expression that follows the tinging sound of a miniature spring or circlip bouncing off something
on the other side of the room. Unfortunately, you didn't see where it came from, where it went to,
and have no idea what it looks like

FUCKING BLOODY FUCK ...
An expression used after 2 full days reassembling and mechanical aligning to find that an extremely
fundamental part is still sitting under the workshop bench.

HOLY BLOODY SHIT ...
The expression used immediately after stripping the thread or hexagon off a small bolt and
remembering that it had a left hand thread.

SHIT, FUCK, SHIT ...
The technical expression denoting full understanding that the thing you have just dropped into the
bowels of the machine is not only critically important to the machine's operation, but is completely
beyond retrieval.

SHIT, SHIT, SHIT ...
Something weighing 400kg is sitting on my finger.

SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT ...
Something hot weighing 400 kg is sitting on my finger.

HOW THE FUCK .... ?
Often used to indicate that in your opinion the designers of the machine might have done something a
bit differently.

BLOODY FUCK ...
Somebody will have to find a first aid kit.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT ...
This is a 440 volt circuit, and I think I've forgotten to isolate it.

BUGGER BLOODY FUCK ...
You see a severed 200 cable wiring harness and reach an immediate understanding of why the
equipment rack required extra force to close it. NOTE: If the word 'Holy' is used in conjunction with
this expression, it means that all 200 wires in the harness are the same colour.

FUCKING DAMN SHIT ...
I have just picked up the wrong end of a soldering iron.

FUCKING BLOODY DAMN ...
A general phrase indicating minor irritation.

HOLY BLOODY FUCK ...
My tie is caught by something being driven by a 200 horsepower motor and I can't reach the power
switch.

BUGGER, FUCK, DAMN ...
An indication of full acceptance that the final, binding quote given to the customer omitted the $1800
parts content of the job.