INTERNATIONALS

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies when abroad.
Canadians: Are indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
Brits: Believe you should look out for those who belong to your club.
Americans: Believe people should look out for themselves.
Canadians: Believe that's the government's job.

Americans: Flag-waving, anthem-singing and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
Canadians: Can't agree on the words to the anthem, when they can be bothered to sing it.
Aussies: Extremely patriotic to their beer, would sing the anthem if they knew the words.
Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a brass band to perform the anthem.

Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians: Don't, but only because the government won't let them have more American channels.
Brits: Pay a tax to watch four lousy channels.

Aussies: Export all their crappy programs which no one there watches, to Britain, where everybody
loves them. (Hehehe -- BB, who hates "Neighbours")

Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball and basketball.
Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer and rugby.
Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the
Americans twice in baseball.
Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in.

Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it English.
Brits: Pronounce words differently, but still call it English.
Canadians: Spell like Brits, pronounce like Americans.
Aussies: Add "G'day", "mate", and a heavy accent to everything they say in a futile attempt to get
laid.

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Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a backwards country.
Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a backwards country.

Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

Americans: Believe that poverty and failure are morally suspect.
Canadians: Believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits: Believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things.
Aussies: Believe that none of this matters after several beers.

TRAVELLERS GUIDE TO USEFUL PHRASES IN ARAB COUNTRIES

AKBAR KHALI-KILI HAFTIR LOFTAN.
Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun.
FEKR GABUL GARDAN DAVAT PAEH GUSH DIVAR.
I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down on the floor with my arms above my
head and my legs apart.
SHOMAEH FEKR TAMOMEH OEH GOFTEH BANDE.
I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life.
AUTO ARRAREGH DAVATEMAN MANO SEPAHEH-HAST.
It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car.
FASHAL-EH TUPEHMAN NA DEGAT MANO GOFTAM CHEESHAYEH MOHEMARA
JEBEHKESHVAREHMAN.
If you will do me the kindness of not harming my genital appendages I will gladly reciprocate
by betraying my country in public.
KHREL, JEPAHEH MANEH VA JAYEII AMRIKAHEY.
I will tell you the names and addresses of many American spies traveling as reporters.
BALLI, BALLI, BALLI!
Whatever you say!
MATERNIER GHERMEZ AHLIEH, GHORBAN.
The red blindfold would be lovely, excellency.
TIKEH NUNEH BA OB KHRELLEH BEZORG VA KHRUBE BOYAST INO BEGERAM.
The water-soaked bread crumbs are delicious, thank you. I must have the recipe.