Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness;
and all these things shall be added unto you.
Matthew 6:33
Now
to tell you how God watched over me as I grew up in a family with not much
love to share. I was not a very happy child but things are much better
now, thanks to God. My life started out in New Jersey. My father was in
the Navy so I didn't stay there long. By the time I was six months old,
I was in Florida. By the time I was one, I was in Tennessee. California
by the time I was two. The Navy sure does move you around a lot!
I
have three brothers and a sister. You guessed it, I'm in the middle. None
of us ever got along. Still to this day we don't. It's sad, but they don't
want to like me because they are afraid of me...or should I say...themselves.
You see, none of them truly know God. They hide from Him. They know that
I don't and they are afraid I will tell them about Him. Like I said...sad.
Well, anyway, my dad spent a lot of time on board a ship and over seas.
He loved kids and now had five. On the other hand, my mom wishes she had
none. She didn't want to be tied down to anyone, especially kids! Each
of us tried to help one another when the abuse started. It was always while
my father was not around. I could tell you real stories of horror, but
I won't. She seemed to have chosen me to let out most of her anger at having
so many children. It wasn't so much a physical abuse, more like emotional.
(but the physical was there, also.) There was nothing I could do to make
her happy. I got no love from her. I can remember when I was young, being
afraid of lightening storms. She would come running in the middle of the
night with comfort to give. Not for me, but for my little sister, who was
crying just as much as me. I had to just learn to live with my fears. The
worse thing my mom ever did or say to me was when she told me if she had
to do it over again, she would have an abortion instead of having me. That's
when I truly knew she didn't love me. I did, however, make lots of friends
which were a true blessing to me. Their mom's loved me and made me feel
like I mattered. I spent lot's of time away from home.
I
loved to have friends and still do!
I guess my mom had to like at least one of us, so she picked the baby, my sister. She did everything for her. She even loved her (I think). As I got older, I turned to anything that could get me away from her. I tried to go to church but got no real support from my mom. I had to walk because she wouldn't take me. So I walked. When I became a teenager, I turned to drinking, then drugs. When I was 18, I went to a revival and got saved, but was told it didn't work, because I didn't speak in tongues. Well, let me tell you. When you are saved, Satan will go at you full force to get you back. When you are saved and don't realize it, he really gets happy. He tormented me. First, I got married to a very NON Christian man. It was the best way I could think of to get out of the house. Six weeks later, I knew it was wrong. We fought all the time. Then I found out I was pregnant. He was in the Army and was just getting out then. We went to South Carolina to live. It was terrible. I started to pray all the time to get out of there. Finally I did, but not before he almost beat me up, just for getting a letter from a friend. At three months pregnant, I almost had a miscarriage. I left him and I gave birth to a beautiful little baby girl who I loved so very much. I prayed to find her a good Daddy and the Lord showed me the way. At the time, I was living in Virginia and decided to move to North Carolina to live with a friend. That's when God led me to the man I married. Last Dec. 31st, we celebrated our 23nd year together and I owe it all to our Lord and Saviour!
But it didn't end there! Satan was right on my heals. He wasn't going to let me get away that easily. Now he had another Christian to go after. In the next couple of years we had two sons and my husband also joined the Air Force. Things were starting to go very wrong. We didn't seem happy with one another anymore. My daughter, April, seemed to be getting into a lot of trouble all the time. She was jealous of her new daddy! She didn't want to share me with him. She learned how to play us against one another. I often said that it was like playing tug-o-war with me as the rope! Things got worse through the years. It was like living in a nightmare. Nothing seemed real. How was it that a Christian family that believed in God, was having so much trouble? The children and I had gone to Sunday school for a few years but we never went to church. We really weren't living a Christian life. Nothing about us was Christian. I prayed all the time but God was not listening. At least that is what I thought. When April was 18, I finally kicked her out. I couldn't take it any longer. It was a very hard thing to do because I still loved her and I knew she would only get herself into deep troubles...and she did. She got married and then devorced and then she got pregnant! She needed to come home and I let her. It was not a happy time. We made it through somehow and the day came for the baby to be born. But something was wrong with the baby. She had no nose and a cleft lip!! The doctors did a test and told us that the front part of her brain was not there and she would die. Could things get any worse? At two months she died.
April and I went out together to find a church in which we could have a funeral for the baby. We found one and the whole family, except April, joined. Within weeks my husband and I had rededicated our lives to the Lord and within the next year both my sons were saved!! Satan was bannished!
But
April would not even go to church. We felt like God had sent this little
angel to get us back to church, but what about April? She was still being
lead by Satan. Years went by and her life was full of so much heartache.
I had been told by many to close my door on her and to forget her because
of all the bad things that she had brought on our family. But I loved her
way too much to ever give up on her. One Sunday when I was praying so very
hard for her, the Lord told me that it was alright and to not worry anymore.
I still prayed for her but I felt better about what I was doing. In the
winter of 2000, after almost being murdered, April came to the Lord!! I
celebrate each day now for this wonderful thing that the Lord has done!
The
Lord and I never gave up on her!
So if your life is on the bad road, let God show you the right road. It's through His loving Son that you will find it. So if you don't know Jesus as your personal Saviour, get a Bible and read it. Find Him and you will find peace.
My Mom
by Nu2me
My mom she didn't love me,
She showed me in her way.
The way she talked about me,
Never held me night or day.
Said she never wanted children,
Tried with all her might.
The pill had not been invented,
Abortion was not in sight.
Nothing I did could please her,
I tried things all my life.
She was not a good mother,
She was not a good wife.
My dad he tried to fill me,
With all that love I missed.
The things all children want,
To be hugged and to be kissed.
Last year her sad life ended,
She's not with us any more.
I never really hated her,
I miss not having more.
So remember mom this Sunday,
Thank her for her loving touch.
For loving you the way she should,
Thank her so very much.
This
was written May 1997 for Mother's day.
My
mom died March 1997 without knowing Jesus.
Don't
let this happen to you or anyone you know.
