Web Of Deception

Fifteen years ago a minister who prayed for me saw a vision, while he was praying for me. He said he saw a spiders web with a big spider pulsating and ready to jump at me. He didn't know what that meant and neither did I until recently. Sexual perversion and deception have followed me and my family most of our lives, it has passed through several generations. I believe that as God has brought healing into our lives, I am able from first hand experience, expose the tactics of this most highly destructive behaviour. As a result of my own early abuse, I have a vulnerability to be "picked" by abusers. Sexual abuse victims' walls have been broken down and need to be built up again, through healing and counselling but the greatest protection is a network of healthy friendships and family. But the responsibility for healing is on the victim. Like the web of a spider being spun unnoticed, is the web of Paedophilia. This page is my attempt at uncovering the deception of the paedophile, which is destroying countless numbers of our children.

To Be a Child

On a recent trip, we stopped at a truck stop for a cup of tea. I got talking to a man who had two daughters with him and was returning from a weekend fishing trip. I asked him how many fish he had caught. with a sheepish grin and a slight hint of disappointment he said "Only one this time mate, but we had a great time." "Would you have gone, if you knew that the fish weren't biting" I asked him. "No way mate, I'm not an idiot" he replied I asked him what was the most exciting part of fishing and what was it that drew him to such a consuming pastime. He said it was the anticipation, the planning, the waiting for the one that takes the bait. He went on to say that the fish is only the end result and that the excitement of catching the fish is short lived. His passion would return after he threw out the bait again. I asked him to tell me how to set a trap to catch the fish. He said that first you have to choose the right bait, throw it out to where you think the fish will be, sit back and wait. He also said that you mustn't put too much pressure on the fishing line to give the fish a false sense of security and you don't pull in the fish until you feel it struggling to free itself, that's when you know you have got it. Leaning back with his hands behind his head and a smug look on his weather worn face, he looked at me and said "Yeah mate, it's just a matter of time before they take the bait." I believe that a paedophile works on the same principle as the fisherman. He only goes were the fish (children) are, mainly low income or sole parent families. It doesn't take him long to find the weakest child with a low self esteem and a mum or dad who are too tired, too self absorbed, too busy or too preoccupied. He just has to find the right bait, it's usually something the parents can't afford, like money, designer clothes, shoes, trips, education, the list goes on. he starts by first listening to the child and gaining his/her trust. he becomes the parent that the child doesn't have in his/her own parents. be sure of this, the paedophile will find and meet the need that you as a parent aren't meeting in your child. A paedophile sees a needy child and then plans how he is going to trap this unsuspecting victim into his complicated web of deceit. He has patience and "gets off" on the thought of setting up and having control of this innocent child. He sets the trap, usually using the parents to secure his plan. The child then becomes entrapped by his/her own needs.

A study considered to be the most reliable to date, says only 8% of abusers were strangers, with 41% being family members including biological relatives and stepfathers or adoptive fathers, with 75% of research subjects reporting the use of coercion. (Medical Journal of Australia 1997; 166:65. Only about one quarter of child sex abuse is caused by strangers. Most cases are caused by someone in a position of trust, who knows the child and is often a family member. Concentrating on the minority abusers is more comfortable than facing the fact that most abuse occurs in the child's own home, although their offending, once discovered can only be described as monstrous. We owe it to the victim, be they children or adult survivors of child sexual assault, the best that is available in investigative practices. The fact is, that the Monsters and the "Nice men" are one in the same.

Paedophilia destroys countless innocent, unsuspecting lives that the paedophile has no conscience about. They use any form of manipulative tactics that on the outside appears innocent. They manipulate other people to acknowledge that the relationship between them and the children is acceptable. They live on their instincts and manipulate situations and people to suit their own deviant plans. They first gain the trust of the child which isn't hard to do because children are naturally trusting and innocent. They prey on the child's innocence and then control their emotions and will, often with the consent of the parents. The paedophile has to start feeding his deviant sexual fantasies (most paedophiles when caught have numerous amounts of child pornography videos) to reap the end result (your son or daughter) he has to sow into that fantasy. What better way than to watch someone else doing it via pornography videos. The more he feeds that desire, the more it will grow until he takes what is normal and decent and perverts it into his own distorted reality. It's not long before the satisfaction of watching someone else perform these indecent acts loses it's appeal, and he has to experience it for himself as he has done so many times in his mind. All he has to do is find a vulnerable kid who "wont tell." Once he finds his prey, puts out the bait and just waits, fantasizing about the catch. It is only a matter of time.

The Strategy of a Child Molester

By an anonymous former church Leader * I am a child molester. I have molested more than 90 little girls, ages 4 to 10. For the first time in my life I accept responsibility for my deviancy and criminal activity. This article is scary for me to write. You may misunderstand some of the situations and issues I address, but please save your judgements until you have read the complete text. My reason for writing this article is to acquaint you with my tactics, similar to the tactics of other molesters, and to offer suggestions which may assist you in protecting your children from sexual abuse. Angela R. Carl, in "Child Abuse, What you can do about it." states that a child is molested every two minutes. For the first time in print, I am exposing my own method of operation in setting up my victims and how I manipulated the parents, as well as th victims, in order to sexually abuse children. I utilize the feminine gender because all my sex abuse victims are girls. However, the same strategy is used by child molesters who molest boys. I tell the child our relationship is "special". "You are my special little girl. I love you diffently than any other little girl." The victim understands that if she tells anyone, the relationship will end. I remind the child that her dad and mum love me, and they are happy and very pleased that she is my "special little girl." The victim will not wish to disappoint her parents. I express to the child that I will always continue to do special things for her because of our special relationship and her being "my special little girl." Implied is the loss of bribes should she tell. I also express to the victim that I am making her feel good and she is making me feel good. This creates a belief of a dual responsibility. The child believes she is responsible and will not tell. I tell the child that we both know what we are doing is very wrong and ugly, and that no one should ever know. This creates a mutual responsibility so that the victim will not tell. I cultivate and manipulate the parents and my victims into the relationship. I emphasize to the child, in the presence of her parents, how much I enjoy being able to share a special relationship. Then vice versa, I tell the parents, in the presence, how much I appreciate the child's response to me and the social and spiritual progress I observe in the child. My victim then believes the parents approve of the relationship. I express to the child how disappointed her parents will be if they know we are doing these "ugly things" together, and I know "we will never tell anyone". Again, the child chooses not to disappoint her family or have them disappointed in her. I emphasize often to the victim. "You should not let me do this, I love you and I do not want to hurt you, so do not let me do it". knowing that she has no choice. I put the responsibility on the victim, making her think it is her fault, therefore she will not tell. I say to her. "Just this once and no more". She agrees to experience the uncomfortableness of the situation and will not tell, in order to have the special attention and favours. I tell some of my victims that if anyone finds out, I will probably get into trouble, may have to leave and go somewhere else, and never see her again. I emphasize she may get into trouble also. I continue by saying. "I will miss you and will not be able to do these special things I do for you". Then I remind her of all the special things I do for her. It is important to establish an atmosphere of trust at home, so children can and will share experiences in which they are frightened or feel uncomfortable. Once a child has been assaulted, the offender is apt to repeat the offence as often as he can manipulate the situation. I sexually assaulted some victims as much as four dozen times. Listen to your child. Open communication is the best strategy to protect your child from sexual abuse. A child who has no one to listen to her, or who does not experience love and care, is most vulnerable for sexual exploitation. I never molested a child who considered me a stranger. I carefully manipulated a trusting relationship, usually with the parents as well as the child. One interaction with a child changes the status of a stranger into a friend. Rather warn a child about strangers, it would be best to teach her to be aware of actions and behaviours of adults toward her, or situations created by someone showing interest in her. Become suspicious when someone manipulates trust and begins to shower excessive attention on your child. Confront the adult and inquire as to the motives. Never ever force a child to kiss or hug an adult. Respect the child's feelings and allow her to create boundaries of her relationships with adults. Never force a child to go some place with an adult. If the child is reserved or resistant, she may have good reason to be. Always believe your child. If you show the child you care and are willing to listen, she will usually tell you the truth. Be careful not to overreact, as you may prohibit the child from telling the whole story. If you suspect a child is lying, allow her to talk. She will contradict herself if she is being dishonest or making up the story. If the child has been sexually abused, do assure her that it is not her fault. As a child molester, I am most sensitive to a child's vulnerability. I observe children that are emotionally deprived and denied the sense of belonging or being loved. Generally, such children will allow me to spend time with them. They will become my "special friend" and choose to be with me enduring the bad moments for all the good times we share, to have that sense of being loved and cared for and not alone. I create an attachment by buying things for a child that she may be deprived of. This establishes an immediate bond and often trust. The child is willing to experience a moment of uncomfortable touching in order to get the tangible rewards. A child tends to become attached to anyone who will spend time with her and enjoys doing the things she enjoys. Observe your child's behaviour and be sensitive to change. A sudden change of behaviour such as withdrawal, rebellion, aggression, nightmares, fear of being alone, bedwetting, stomach aches, genital discomforts, fear of being hugged. sudden drop in grades and/or interest in school. Use of sexual talk beyond her maturity level or a desire to run away from home are all possible clues to sexual abuse. I hope that something I have shared will assist in the prevention of sexual child abuse. I was abused as a child for a period of six years. I trusted no one and was afraid to share with anyone, continuing to endure the abuse. Take time with your child. It is one of the best investments you can make. Observe your child, it is the best prevention of sexual abuse. Be your child's best friend. The writer was once a leader in a large denominational church in Florida. He was arrested, convicted and sent to prison. He wrote this while serving seven years. *permission granted to reprint this story from Class Speakers. Comment: This man is sorry in hindsight, but he minimizes the child's trauma and betrayal. He lays the responsibility back on the parents, whom he has already manipulated into trusting him.

My Brother Abused Me

When the son of a trusted babysitter abused my sons, all I had to go on was my instincts, telling me that something was terribly wrong. I had no facts or suspicions to draw from, so I stepped over and trusted my instincts, knowing I couldn't just jump in and blurt out "Have you guys been abused" because I understood the threats and secrecy that surround this crime. You can tell them that sometimes people change, even though you really love them and trust them. Someone who has never hurt you before may start to touch you or play games with youthat are different to how they used to be. It feels nice but bad at the same time. It's hard for children to tell, especially if they feel or have been told that they wont be believed. Or if they tell, he will go to jail. They will also lose their rewards,. The child being molested carries a lot of guilt, shame and responsibity that is too big for them. We need to teach our children that sexual abuse is not acceptable. We dont have second thoughts about teaching our kids of the dangers of life, yet we neglect to tell them about thje most destructive force that is operating right now under our very noses. How Will TheyKnowUnlessWe Tell Them????? When I found out that my sons had been abused I stopped going after the things that I thought would make us happy as a family. I let go of a successful business and stayed at home. Suddenly, money and success weren't that important anymore. The price I paid to stay at home and protect, nurture and help my sons heal has paid off. I learn't skills so I could work at home where I was always there when they needed me. I had no friends or family who stood with us. I can't understand why, nobody wanted to get involved. I guess it was too hard for them. I found strength inside and I hung on to a loving God to help us get through and we did. I had wonderful counsellors when I needed them, but the key I found that brought us through was an open and honest relationship with my kids. I was in tune with them. We may keep silent because of our shame but we will pay the price. The molester wont. He continues victimising children. He carries no shame or accountability. As long as he can get away with it, he will continue to do it. The only thing a molester fears is getting caught. Mothers Do you know that you are included as the target when a paedophile chooses your child? He needs you to set the scene for his prey - your child. He has to find a need in you to manipulate and control. It's all part of the plan and purposes he has for your child. Without convincing you that he is nice, trustworthy, and loves your child he has no control. You have to be drawn in, it is part of his deceptive plan. Your instincts will tell you, if you will listen. In our western society we have learnt not to listen to our instincts. We tend to take things on face value. Intuition : "direct perception of truths, independent of any reasoning process" Paedophiles also use their intuition and know by instinct and observation the kids that won't tell. They usually pick kids from troubled families. They pick kids that are vulnerable, have low self esteem, dont have a sense of belonging, don't feel love. Or where the parents are: too busy, too sick, too self absorbed,too controlling, too drunk or high, too poor , too lonely.

It is not easy being a sole parent and we didn't get there by ourselves. It is especially hard when there is no support, it's tiring and the demands are carried alone. It's easy to entertain thoughts at times about just giving up, or even fantasising about a knight in shining armour, riding in on a white horse to rescue you, to be an instant understanding husband and a wonder stepdad to your kids. The road is long and the burden is heavy so when a "nice man" comes into your life, you are ready to overlook his shortcomings and the things that "don't seem right". Where there was no hope,there is now hope in someone who appears to love you and the kids unconditionally. There are wonderful men "out there" and there is a chance that meeting the right person may happen, but first you have to work through your own problems and find a way to meet your own need and the needs of your children. Make them the focus of your love, provision and protection. That way when someone comes into your life, he will have respect for you. Don't be blinded by your needs. We live in a broken world and the majority of us have had our hearts wounded and broken. We've had our trust betrayed. What do we do with our broken hearts and betrayed trusts? If we don't work through and resolve them, the chances are high that we will become vulnerable and an open target to the many predators "out there". As wounded humans we tend to repeat patterns unconsciously and the chances are high that we will choose a relationship that will harm us even further. I buried my abuse because I felt I did something wrong to make it happen. I thought if people knew, they wouldn't want to know me. i lived in shame and hiding for thirty years and paid the price for it. My only crime was that I wanted love, and I trusted and believed my abusers. Counselling doesn't take away from you what happened but it takes away the sting and the power it still has ovwer you. At times I still feel vulnerable but the difference now is that I can recognise it and deal with it appropriately, and move on. It's never too late.. Shame Is a Lie

I believe that the church has a responsibility to the sole parent , to offer them the protection and support that is lacking in their lives. It seems that the sole parent doesn't quite fit and is often excluded from being embraced into the network of the church. We need to give support to these brave woman who choose to stay and bring up their kids alone...

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