1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?", say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died, the cat's pregnant, again,..."

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell their company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, are they married?, how many kids?, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are a male; Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company..." You: wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing, Judy?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you?!? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?!?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.

6. Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If a long distance company calls trying to get you to sign up for their "Family and Friends Plan", reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends,...would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond, :"Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you couldn't just give out your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company. They often can't sell to employees.