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since 01/02/01

My Story

Well, here's my story. As you read through this I'm sure some of you will identify with the feelings and emotions I went through. Indeed, you may be feeling exactly the same way yourself. The problem I found, was not having anybody to talk to about these things. On the one hand, you need to talk, but on the other, you know that if you talk to other witnesses, they will immediately identify you as "apostate", even though you clearly are not. Hopefully, this site, and my story, may help you and give you somewhere to voice your feelings and concerns, either by email or in our "chat" room.

My Background

Just to give you some background, I have been brought up "in the Truth" since I was 2 years old, (I'm now 50), so I've never known anything else but the "Truth". I gave my first public talk when I was 20 and served many years as a Ministerial Servant and almost 10 years as an Elder. During that time, I was Watchtower Study Servant for the most time, along with being a Book Study Conductor, Assistant School Overseer, Temporary Service Overseer and even Temporary Presiding Overseer for a while

I married in 1970 and a few years later, with 2 babies, moved to "serve where the need was great". We eventually had 3 more children, moved back to our original hometown, then spent 3 years in another congregation in the country and 6 months overseas, before coming back home again.

What this travelling around and serving in different congregations has done, is to help me see a great divergence of opinion and policy in this "united" organisation.

The "Simplification"

What really got me thinking was a few years ago when we were given a special letter informing us of the "simplification" arrangement of providing the literature free of charge to the public. I remember the document well, although I haven't been able to find a copy of it to check my memories of the actual wording. But the thing that really stuck in my mind, was that a scriptural principal was used to promote the new thought, i.e. "you received free, so give free". The reason it stuck in my mind so vividly, is that some years previous, a brother who insisted giving the literature away free of charge, using exactly the same scripture and principle to vindicate his action, was disciplined by the elders and stopped from receiving literature or going on the ministry.

I also immediately struck by the great emphasis that was being placed on the fact that we weren't to ask for any contribution, and only when the householder raised the matter were we to be allowed to talk about contribution. The fact that this was emphasised over and over again, struck me as odd.

Again, the society training meant that I put the matter out of my mind, almost, but it still niggled away at me. Then when I realised that some, if not most countries were still charging for the literature, I thought how could you have a scriptural principle to govern both policies. It became obvious it was some sort of practice to avoid taxes. Even then, I was happy to accept that, although I wasn't happy that the society had sought to dress this tax ploy up as a theocratic change in policy.

Then the more I thought about it, my view changed. Jesus said to give to Caesar what was due to Caesar. (Matt 22:17-21) We are supposed to be honest, and law abiding citizens. And whilst I had at first thought that it could be argued that this was making use of worldly riches, it really boils down to deliberate deceit and tax evasion! The more I thought about, the more aspects of the matter troubled me, which I won't go on into just now.

"This Generation"

Then there was the matter of "this generation"!! I have been thinking for some years that the society must have got it wrong, but again just accepted that it would all become clear in Jehovah's time. But when the new reasoning came out, it made absolutely no sense at all. Then I looked at other matters that I had just put to one side. Such as the separating of the "sheep and the goats", the 144,000 being a literal number when the rest of the scriptures around that number are symbolic, the appointment of elders being guided by Holy Spirit, 1975, etc. etc.

Charles Taze Russell & the Pyramids

Then as I began to look deeper, I couldn't believe some of the things I was turning up. That Russell started this religion that turned into the "Truth" in conjunction with a Seventh Day Adventist. That the Society, claiming to be backed by Jehovah and being used as His mouthpiece was using the symbol of the cross into the mid 30's. That the faithful men of old were supposed to being resurrected in 1926, and that the Society had even bought a house, "Beth Sarim" for them to live in. (That one really amazes me, the fact that these men who died in the Middle East were expected to come back in America!!). That Russell had "confirmed" 1914 as "the end of the world" by measuring the corridors and walls of the Great Pyramid of Gizeh, (the headstone of his grave is in the shape of a pyramid!) claiming it to have been designed and built by Jehovah. Plus lots of other things that I am sure I'll mention in other parts of this site.

Conclusion

Having said all that, I still have problem, and you may feel the same way. It is only by being a witness that I have learned so much about the scriptures, and have lived my life in a Christian way. Part of me still feels that I need that association and stimulus to keep studying and learning about Jehovah. If I cut off completely, I feel like I will be in a void floating around aimlessly. So I am still going to some of the meetings, although I must admit I am looking at the things said there in a different light now.

On the other hand, how can I trust an organisation that claims to be blessed with Jehovah's Spirit, and acting as His spokesman on earth today, when they appear to have "distorted" the truth, have made date prophecies and got them wrong,(Deut 18:20-22) have disfellowshipped people, tearing families apart, overdoctrines that at a later date have become accepted as "new light".

Is Jehovah's Spirit that was used to create the Universe, to create man, to perform miracles such as the parting of the Red Sea and resurrections, that caused the 120 in the upper room to instantly speak in different tongues, is this Spirit unable to convey the correct interpretation of prophecy to Jehovah's self proclaimed spokesman.

Would Jehovah allow His "chosen" people to use a symbol taken directly from false worship, and so much identified with "Babylon the Great", i.e. the cross, right up until 1935, a full 36 years after we're told "the faithful and discreet slave class" had been appointed by Jehovah?!

I can ask the questions……we all need to make our own decisions!!

Updated 17/04/01

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