[Church of Bob] [The Liturgical Year] [Liturgy] [Scriptures] [Saints] [Bobism] [Robbis]
It is a question open to debate when bobological chronology
begins. One obvious alternative is January 24 1961, when he first rode into Jeru...., uh,
New York. Several important robbis claim that that's when Bob
Dylan was born. Others emphasize the mystical transfiguration from Robert Zimmerman to
Bob Dylan, and wish to start their chronology on May 24 1941. A legalistically oriented
fraction of robbis have proposed that August 2 1962 be treated as day 1, because that was
the day Robert Allen Zimmerman legally changed his name to Bob Dylan. He had however used
that name since at least 1959, maybe 1958. The uncertainty as to when the name occurred,
makes it one of the central mysteries in some cults, but most robbis also agree that it is
an unsuitable starting point for a chronology.
Mainstream Bobism is what you find on these pages. There are, however, some major
branches that one
should know about, which reject parts of traditional Bobism.
The most important are the so called SHIAs (Snapping at the Heels of Inimitable
Artistry), who only believe in His own words and disregard the other writings about Him,
including the Gospels and the pauline epistles. To this group, Bobspeak is of course of
paramount importance (For this reason 1991 is the SHIAs' favorite year).
"Bobspeak," they claim, "will always lead to a clearer understanding, in
the end." Among the dogmas of the SHIA fraction can be mentioned: that Sad-Eyed
Lady of the Lowlands was indeed written for Sara at the Chelsea hotel, regardless of what
the Gospel of Clinton says; that Wiggle-Wiggle is an ecology song, all about fishing
(Stony Brook 5/2/91); that all Dylan songs are "true stories" (a small fraction
maintain that only Dylan songs up to the Rolling Thunder tour can be certainly known to be
true, since that's when He said
"Here's a true story. Actually they're all true" introducing Isis in Boston
11/21/75). There has also been a
heated debate among some robbis whether the phrase "I said 'I got no money', he said
'that ain't necessary'."
should be taken only as a reference to that particular situation, or to mean that money in
general is not
necessary. Most of these are presently in jail for shop-lifting).
The most extreme Shia's have serious eschatological problems with the Bobspeak of
Stuttgart 6/17/91:
"Here's a song about Heaven. Anybody know where that is? It's near Chicago!"
Now, there is a place near
Chicago called Heaven, but who wants to live in Chicago for all eternity...?
The shia's living in the Holy Land (the USA) who are involved in politics, all want Derek
Walker for
president, because: "Derek Walker, of course, he's gonna be the future president of
the United States.
Everybody, I guess, knows that. Anyway, you heard it here first. You remember me then when
you get to be
president!" (Lewisburg, Pennsylvania 5/3/96).
These are only a few of the shiite dogmas. For a more thourough account of their
teachings, see "True
stories. Shia revealed", written by an italian poet, robbi P. Luther Arch. Of course,
the shia themselves don't
believe a word of it....
Another schismatic group are those who only believe in pre-motor-cycle-accident Bobism.
The theo... --
bobological foundation for this is of course the rumor that Dylan actually died in the
accident, a rumor which
gained in strength by the 'new' Dylan voice on Nashville Skyline. Since the works given
most prominence
among Bobists and ordinary fans alike are from the time before the motor-cycle accident,
the differences in
learning are not that big. The main difference is that the Premotorcyclatensers miss a lot
of great shows by
the person they claim is not Dylan. This makes them a bit pathetic in the eyes of most
Bobists.
Most Premotorcyclatensers also believe that St Paul the Bug died at about the same time.
They usually have a
certain liking for conspiracy theories, they e.g. believe that J. F. Kennedy was not shot
but abducted by aliens,
who replaced him with a body-double, which however was so poorly made that it seemed that
a phantom bullet
had hit his head (cf. the Zapruder film, which shows it all. The abduction took place
while the car was behind
the sign pole). Premotorcyclatensers also make up a fairly large percentage of the X-files
viewers.
The most complicated sect is those that believe only in "1979-1981"-Bobism.
This group of followers is the exact opposite of the Premotorcyclatensers, in that they
believe that the true Dylan wasn't born until he was Born Again, and that all music
prior to 1978 should be considered a blurred image of things to come. (The role of the
Predecessor in this complex makes for some very intricate meta-cultical questions involved
here, including a certain circularity, which should be discussed more at length, but not
tonight, and it won't be here).
These sects are generally considered as schisms, not genuine heresies. The only
wide-spread heresy is the one
created and propagated by A. J. Weberman. All bobists, apart from Weberman himself,
consider him a
lunatic. Go see for yourself.