Miracle Man Nothingness

3/31/97
MIRACLE MAN
‘Miracle Man... A bit of Nothingness’
by C.Schmidt ®

Disclaimer: Um... Um... well no cease and disorders yet so this is good.But just to be safe. I own nothing, nothing I tell you. If asked to stop I will claim ignorance and blame it on others. "Really, Mr. Lawyer Type from FOX, I had nothing to do with this. It was Um... ----> That person! Sue that one not me!"

Pre-Opening Thingie....

There was a fire, a dead burnt guy, a preacher and a kid. Somehow all this connects... Oh yeah the fire killed the dead burnt the guy, and for some reason a preacher was near by and he had the kid touch the dead burnt guy. The kid did not heal the burns but did bring him back to life.....

The Music -
And we have seen it, heard it, been there and did it already... Enough times to know it by heart.

We see a Jerry Farewell wanna be, preaching and stuff then the tape stops...

MULDER: I thought I told you to put it on ‘The Ten Commandments’ Scully!

SCULLY: OOPS I thought this was... I think this preacher man raises the dead in a bit.

MULDER: Um... Scully! Charlton Heston does not raise the dead in this movie. He parts the Red Sea. And that guy looks nothing like Charlton Heston!

SCULLY: Did we miss the chariot scene?

MULDER: Um.. Scully! No chariot scene, that was ‘Ben Hur.’ Now what is this mess? And flip it to ‘The Ten Commandments.'

SCULLY: This mess is our case.

MULDER: On Easter!?!?!? I ain’t working on a holiday. I’m a federal employee and have it off! So please I don’t wanna miss the parting of the Red Sea.

SCULLY: Well I really don’t want to work either but we are sort of stuck doing this. Yet somehow I feel as if we have been on this case before.... Oh well, let’s finish the video of this preacher man. Then I’ll flip it to... Oh look..

MULDER: Oh look what? ANd you know I get that feeling to that we have done this before...

SCULLY: Well are you sure we must watch ‘Ten Commandments’ The Waltons are on and...

MULDER: You have got to be kidding me! You would watch a made for TV movie about a squeaky clean boring family that lives on a mountain over a great movie with lots of violence, plagues, death and cool things like that?

SCULLY: Well... it says it’s a new Walton’s special and I loved the Waltons...

MULDER: You would, and I bet you watched Little House On the Pairie too.

SCULLY: As a matter of fact I have all the episodes on video! But it says here in the TV Guide Jon Boy..

MULDER: Oh please! Spare me! Only geeks tape episodes of their favorite show. Lets watch this video you have on the preacher guy and get this over with... So why are we on this case?

SCULLY: Dunno.. Something about..

MULDER: Is that the TV Guide you are reading?

SCULLY: Yeah, why?

MULDER: What else is on? And is there any good gossip in it?

SCULLY: Gossip? Yeah it says some chick from the X-Files kicked the girl friend of her co-star off the set! And banned from the city they film in! Oh Well, nothing is on but... Oh look.. Lets watch the X-Files.....

MULDER: Huh? Scully are you crazy! It is shows like that, that make people commit mass suicide. All that talk of aliens and conspiracies what a load of bull...

SCULLY: Well I would have thought this would be a show you would go gaga over.

MULDER: It’s a bunch of hooey! Two young people chasing aliens and there is no sex! Ok hurry up and finish that video on the preacher. We’ll do what ever tomorrow about the preacher guy. Right now, get it over with so I can turn it to the Ten Commandments.

Scully and Mulder go to the show with hopes of catching a miracle....

SCULLY: This is dumb.

MULDER: Actually I kind of like this. I hope there will be an Elvis impersonator during the intermission.

SCULLY: Oh, God I hope not. I paid 30 bucks for this and the show better start or I want my money back. And we better get a miracle too!

MULDER: Oh come on Scully this is fun so just sit back and....

The Preach guy announces, "I regret to inform you but Samuel will not be able to make it today. He is busy doing the Lords work."

SCULLY: I want my money back this is a rip off and I’m gonna make sure I get a refund or that preacher guy will find himself in jail.

MULDER: Oh chill Scully, we will just come back tomorrow.

SCULLY: Like hell we will. Of course you don’t care you didn’t pay I did! You claimed you were broke. I will not shovel out another 30 bucks for this....Look I’m going to go and demand MY money back from that Preacher Guy!

Mulder and Scully chat briefly with the Preacher guy. Then talk some to the local cop. He shows Scully the reports and she demands a chance to do an Autopsy. All is agreed that Scully is still mad for being hosed out of 30bucks and to soothe her ego Mulder suggests they exhume a body, any body, for Scully to cut up. They go to the grave yard and begin exhuming a body but are chased away by the local Christian population. The deputy tells Mulder and Scully that das’ wonder-healer boy is at a bar trashed and is being arrested for drunk and disorderly. Mulder and Scully go to the bar to question the wonder boy.

MULDER: Mind if I ask you a few questions Samuel.

SAMUEL: Nah... they aren’t taking me to the jail house till I finnish my beer anyway so fire away.

SCULLY: Yeah, a beer sounds good after the day I have had. Mulder I’m going to the bar.

MULDER: Scully can you get me a beer too?

SCULLY: And just when should I expect you to pay me back?

MULDER: I will I promise when we get back to DC. Ok? And make mine a Miller.

SCULLY: Mulder that is piss water, and I refuse to pay for piss water!

MULDER: Fine then get me what ever you are having. Now Samuel I hear you got a special gift is that true?

SAMUEL: Yeah sort a kind a.... If you want to call healing or killing people a gift. And you got a light for my smoke?

MULDER: That’s not what I’m talking about, Scully heals and kills people all the time and she ain’t got no gift not nor is she special. I mean that you can just touch people and...

SAMUEL: Well I also see things...

MULDER: Yeah, what to you see in me.

SCULLY: Here’s your beer Mulder. So you able to get a the whole story so we can go home and you can pay me back all the money you now owe me?

MULDER: Gee Thanks Scully, now where were we? Oh yeah you were telling us bible stuff. And he needs a light for is smoke.

SCULLY: Oh please I know all this I want to know what is so special about the wonder boy here. And out got any extra smokes? I’m out and I have no money to buy anymore.

SAMUEL: Sure here take the whole pack.... Well I can tell you sir are in pain and lost someone a brother or a sister...

SCULLY: That’s it! Deputy, book this guy.

MULDER: Hey wait I wanna know what he was gonna say about Samantha.

SCULLY: Mulder he is just yanking your chain.

MULDER: And how do you know this? He could be for real.

SCULLY: I just know. It’s like I have been on this case before...

There is a court hearing in progress and the judge sets bail for the wonder boy just before a whole butt load of grasshoppers descend upon the courtroom. Later Scully looks at one of the grasshoppers while Mulder reads the bible. They go and see the preacher man in a Graceland type mansion. Mulder thinks he sees Samantha. Scully tells him that she got free tickets to today’s miracle and they go off to watch. Mulder sees Samantha again and another person dies. Scully gets her way and does an autopsy. Later someone kills the wonder boy Samuel.

Mulder and Scully walk around the roof of the courthouse and figure everything out. The wonder boy’s soul pays a visit to the burnt guy. Later Mulder and Scully arrive at the Graceland mansion, just in time to watch the burnt guy die. Mulder packs the picture of Samantha away, Scully types on the computer. Other stuff happens, like the wonder boys body is gone and the deputy is charged with murder.

Closing Scene -

SCULLY: Looks like the Preacher is washed up in this neck of the woods.

MULDER: Nah... he will just go to the next county and start all over again.

SCULLY :What makes you think that? He ain’t got the wonder boy now to heal things so he has no ace in the hole to milk people from their money.

MULDER: Well he don’t need that anymore.

SCULLY: What do you mean?

MULDER: We bought some web-space and started a homepage. And he has lots of stories to tell about Samuel now.

SCULLY: Like What?

MULDER: Rising from the dead, a plague of grasshoppers. Come on Scully this stiff only happens every 2000 years or so. And now the preacher guy will milk it for all it’s worth on the net.

SCULLY: Yeah think?

MULDER: I’m sure of it and people will pay.

SCULLY: Speaking of paying where’s my money for the beer and the tickets?

Scenes from Next Week ....

CYN: Hey! That ain’t right!

ERIC: HA HA HA HA! You have to watch another repeat!

CYN: Shut up! And that ain’t right! It is supposed to be a new one! It said so on all the web-pages Synchrony was to air.

ERIC: HA HA HA HA! A repeat and you were wrong! HA HA HA HA!

CYN: This bites! I’m mad! And to think I sat through a repeat tonight just to watch the senses for next weeks NEW episode for nothing! We should have watched ‘The Ten Commandments!’

THE END