MORGAN: Finally!
GILLIAN: Oh I’m sorry come in. I was finishing packing up some stuff from the trailer, and watching "Journey of the Heart," while I wait for "Future Fantastic" to come on.
WONG: What you aren’t watching the X-Files????
GILLIAN: No it’s a repeat, seen it, been there and I got it on tape.
MORGAN: Well I am hurt. We wrote that episode...
DAVID: And did a great job if I say so myself!
MORGAN: Thank you David. At least someone still likes us.
GILLIAN: David you are such a suck up! I don’t see why you bother brown nosing, they are leaving the show again so there is no reason to their kiss ass’s. If you need to suck up go take John Shiban out on the town.
DAVID: I hate him! He snitched on us. Went running to Chris Carter with, "Chris Chris, David and Gillian, they are evil! They are ad-libing again. They made Mulder and Scully kiss. And it was gross, on the lips even."
GILLIAN: He did that? So that is why the "kiss" was cut out. Remind me to call and cancel is back order for the FHM magazine. And to think he had the nerve to even ask me to sign it, when it came in.
MORGAN: Why were you doing that? Wasn't he the one that made you play with those cats! In that really bad Killer Kitt episode from hell. And then didn't he do the goat sucker one? He is a snitch too, like David said. I have seen him get so many people in trouble this season...
WONG: Yeah, with Chris real busy with Millennium John sort of has been thinking he is the new head guy. Talk about sucking up! David watch John and learn. I mean it was is idea for Unrequited or what ever. And that was a bad episode.
GILLIAN: Hey Morgan stop messing with the TV, I’m watching that!
WONG: Oh, come on Gillian we want to watch the X-Files. That is why we came over. To say good-bye and have an X-Files Party. One last hurrah.
GILLIAN: Well fine then. But no talking after the show.
DAVID: Why?
GILLIAN: Cause, Future Fantastic will be on...Geez!
WONG: I thought that was only in the States. It already aired in Canada.
DAVID: Yeah, Wong is right... Remember Gillian we are in Vancouver not LA. I know Vancouver can pass as every city in the world and sometimes it might be hard for people with less intelligence to...
GILLIAN:David I told you to stop reading the postings in the Newsgroups. Those people are weirdo’s that have nothing better to do with their time then call me dumb. Besides I know I am in Vancouver but take a look at that!
MORGAN: What??
GILLIAN: Direct TV... Satellite bud! And it gets the Learning Channel. I bought it yesterday with some of my advance for "Hellcab."
WONG: Will you people hush! We already missed the opening scene and the music. And I want to watch this episode.
MORGAN: Yeah I’m with Wong, lets sit and watch.
GILLIAN: Fine, but I need to finish packing I am going to Chicago then Toronto to film some movies.
DAVID: Yeah, sure, fine whatever. Just don’t get in front of the TV while you do your packing.
GILLIAN: I can’t believe Chris let you get away with James "Chargers" Wong and Glen "Blots" Morgan in the credits like that. I’d like to have something added to my name in the credits.
DAVID: Yeah how did you pull that off? I bet you jinxed the Chargers too and that is why the Niners kicked their sorry butts that Super Bowl Sunday. And Gillian it’s a little late to add Klotz to your name don’t ya think?
GILLIAN: That was not the what I had in mind!
MORGAN: Chris was surfing when we added that. And Gillian "Hot Pants" Anderson would work.
WONG: Oh come on, Hot Pants, that is old how about Gillian "I got lucky in being Scully" Anderson. And Gilly you got any food in this trailer I’m starved.
GILLIAN: That is not funny guys, I had something a bit more personal in mind, like Gillian "Death to Joan Rivers" Anderson. And there isn’t much in the way of food remember I’m leaving for a while. I think I have some left over frog legs.
DAVID: That is gross... frog legs! And how about Gillian "I want a raise" Anderson.
WONG: Is that what happened to the frogs we had drop on you in this episode? You ate them? And move I can’t see TV.
MORGAN: Yeah, Gillian eats weird shit, fried chicken livers, cockroaches, sushi and tofu. She eats all the bugs and stuff we use on the show. Piper is gonna turn out one strange kid. Let me tell you.
WONG: Yeah I can see them now. Piper will say, "Oh look mum, ants. That means lunch." And Gillian will remind the little lass, "Now dear we only eat the black ants." Oh, I just had a sick thought. There is a pig and a snake in this episode and I don’t remember seeing them ever returned back to the props department. You didn’t feed that stuff to your family did you Gillian?
GILLIAN: Well... We are on a budget. And I get paid almost near to nothing. Sometimes we have been known to take home dinner from the X-Files set.
DAVID: Well Gillian has been known to eat real food and pack it in. Remember that private screening party we had for the CSM episode. Gillian drank all the beer , ate all the food and smoked all the smokes. And you know what eles.... I caught her once eating all the fake blood.
GILLIAN: David you were there helping me finish off the strawberry ones so don’t even...
DAVID: Well that stuff is real good. Man I am hungry. What I wouldn’t give for some take out from Starbucks.
WONG: Hey I found popcorn, and chips and dip and beer and candy and this bag in the fridge that says Starbucks... Gillian you have been holding out on us! You lied! Shame on you! And how come me and Morgan weren't invited to the screening of the CSM episode? We wrote the damn thing!
GILLIAN: Um... where the hell did that come from? I swear, I knew nothing. And it was David's he made out the guest list.
DAVID: Sheesh! "All I got it frog legs," yeah right. Lying about food! How dare you! Then lying about the no invite! I am shocked Gillian. What’s in the bag from Starbucks?
GILLIAN: Hey that is for me later, as a snack. Don’t touch the Starbuck stuff!
DAVID: Oh come on Gilly, Um... I’ll let your name get top billing for one week.
GILLIAN: One week! No way! Keep your scumy hands off my take out!
WONG: Move Gillian I can’t reach the chips.
MORGAN: You know Gilly you need a bigger trailer, like David has. You should ask Chris for a better one.
GILLIAN: Already did and he told me that I was small there for I get a small trailer.
WONG: Oh that is the lamest excuse that I have ever heard. I hope you didn't buy it.
GILLIAN: Hell no! I bitched and moaned for weeks. But for some really weird reason the news got out and turned into this rumor that I was complaining for more money.
DAVID: You mean all that stink about you wanting more money was a rumor? And it was really just you wanting more trailer space?
GILLIAN: Yep. I bet if I was that chick from Millennium I’d gotten a new trailer but no...
MORGAN: Will you people hush! I’m trying to watch the show and I can’t hear!
The step-father confesses to Mulder about being a witch, a worshiper of the dark forces, but Scully calls and Mulder handcuffs the step-dad to something while he goes off to save Scully. Only it wasn’t Scully that called it was Ms. Paddock using Scully’s voice. Mulder and Scully rush back to the step-dad’s house only to find him eaten by a snake. Scully confuses to watching the Learning channel.
The Dynamic Duo rush back to the school cause they remembered the teacher had a snake. They find Ms. Paddock on the floor but leave her and run into a trap. The PTA members hog-tie Mulder and Scully and drag them across school property into the showers. Something about less blood this way. But Paddock takes control of one of the evil PTA members and he goes crazy on them and shoots all the PTA members and turns the gun on himself. Later Mulder and Scully see a good-bye note on the Chalk board and read it:
-
MULDER: Good-bye. It’s been nice using you to get our own show.
SCULLY: F*** Off. The Wongs
MULDER: I’m going to miss those guys.
SCULLY: Me too.
MORGAN: Oh man Chris is going to be mad! They aired bloopers instead of the real ending.
DAVID AND GILLIAN: ROTFLTAO
WONG: Will you two stop!
GILLIAN: Sorry but I can’t. [Still ROFTL] Chris is going to blame you two for that you know this right.
MORGAN: Yeah like we care. We don’t write for the X-Files no more remember. We got our own show again!
DAVID: Well that is what you said last time but you came back. And I bet you come back again. Hey look! They are showing another repeat next week. And it is one that is on sale what is up with this?
GILLIAN: Oh two reasons. Number one the next episodes have something to to with what’s his face...Max. And Number two, extra time off for me to make movies.
DAVID: How do you know all this?
GILLIAN: Saw the spoilers on the internet.
MORGAN: What the x-files site?
GILLIAN: No way! That page bites! They didn’t even congratulate me when I won the SAG. I saw it on all the good pages, you know the fan run ones, and in the Newsgroups and mailing lists.
DAVID: No wonder I didn’t know I only read the Official one. Cause Chris says that is the only one we are allowed to look at. And I always listen to what Chris says.
GILLIAN: It’s because you my friend are a suck up! And David, stop reading that page. Get real!
MORGAN: Well I am still starving and there is no more food so I am out of here.
WONG: Me too! Gillian it’s been nice, take care, have fun, um...f*** off and all that crap.
GILLIAN: Bye! See ya next year when you come back because your show flops again. Oh and when you return to the X-Files.... Please do NOT write another "Field Where I Died." I hated that episode it was dumb, boring and did not happen. But take care till next season or the movie which ever happens first.
DAVID: Well I guess I am out of here too. Tea is waiting.
GILLIAN: What you don’t want to watch my show with me!
DAVID: No because you won’t share your Starbuck’s take out with me. And I’m not into future stuff like aliens and robots. That stuff is dumb!
GILLIAN: HA! You are just mad cause they didn’t ask you to narrate it they asked me. Just like you were mad when Rolling Stone came here to talk to me and not you.
DAVID: No. Like I said, I don’t like that Sci-Fi stuff that and you won’t share your Starbuck’s stuff.
GILLIAN: Ok I’ll share.
DAVID: Cool! Well bring on the food. I’ll switch the channel.
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