It's a Python page, me ol' beauty... a very LOOOOOOONG Python page... so you'd better get used to the idea! If you've been here before, you'll notice that I have been updating this page infrequently, adding new sounds and text at a stunningly slow rate, and trying to provide the world with some of the lesser known Python bits. For example, how many people knew of Michael Palin's Professor Gumby article for American Libraries, the David Letterman Top Ten list about John Cleese, or the Python snail mail address? (Check my Various Bits section for new additions) Textual info, such as scripts from the telly series and the films, are readily available at other sites on the WWW, so I'm trying to refrain from placing them here... unless I come across funny bits that I haven't seen at the other places (I am planning on transcribing several newspaper articles in the near future). I am open to suggestions (though let's keep the rude ones to a minimum!), and would like to hear from Pythonites from around the globe.

Anyway...

These sounds are now available for the first time ever to the public, thanks to a special agreement with no one in particular. They have been sampled economically, but the quality, to paraphrase a certain Hungarian/English phrasebook, may make your nipples explode with delight. For limited time only, these finely tooled hand-crafted UK wonder .WAVs are available for the small contribution of a nudge, a wink, and a quick shag courtesy Anne Elk (not too much to ask, really). Thank you, and piss off.

Flying Circus

The Holy Grail

• "Bring out yer dead!" (35KB)
  
• Black Knight: "I'm invincible!"
  Arthur: "You're a looney." (33 KB)
  
• Arthur: "Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!" (30 KB)
  
• "It's just a flesh wound." (14k)
  
• Dennis: "Listen... strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government." (62KB)
  
• Dennis: "Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony."
  Arthur: "Be quiet!" (87KB)
  
• "I feel happy! I feel happy! Uhhhh!" (59k)
  
• French: "Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person!" (45KB)
  
• French: "Pfffffffffffffft pfft pfft snort!" (58k)
  
• French: "I fart in your general direction!" (33KB)
  
• French: "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!" (60KB)
  
• French: "Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time." (39KB)
  
• Arthur: "Good idea, oh Lord!"
  God: "Course it's a good idea!!" (34k)
  

Life of Brian

• (Singing) "Always look on the bright side of life..." (82KB)
  
• "From now on, I want you all to call me 'Loretta'" (27KB)
  
• Brian: "Wolf nipple chips! Get 'em while they're hot, they're lovely!" (28KB)
  
• "They must think the sun shines out of your arse, sonny." (44k)
  
• Brian: "I'm not Jewish, I'm a Roman."
  Pilate: "A wo-man?"
  Brian: "No, a Roman."
  (smack)
  Brian: "Eeeehhh!" (59k)
  
• Group: "If it's not a personal question, are you a virgin?"
  Mandy: "'If it's not a personal question'?!? How much more personal can you get?! Now piss off!"
  (slams shutter closed)
  Group: "She is. Yeah, must be." (143k)
  

The Meaning of Life

• "Finally, monsieur, a wafer thin mint." (33KB)
  
• "Ooooh fishy fishy fishy fish!" (41KB)
  
• To children: "I've got no option but to sell you all for scientific experiments." (41k)
  
• "Ah! I see you have the machine that goes 'ping'!" (36k)
  
• "Harry, I want you to sell me a condom. In fact, I think I'll have a French tickler... for I am a Protestant!" (68k)
  
• Reaper: "Shut up, you American. You always talk, you Americans. You talk and you say, "let me tell you something" and "I just want to say this"... well, you're dead now, so shut up."
  Yank: "Dead?"
  Reaper: "Dead." (221k)
  

Python's Snail Mail Address

Here's the address of the Python offices, as sent to me by Kim "Howard" Johnson. It netted me an autographed photo of Eric Idle (in Hindu warrior garb from "Splitting Heirs") and a program from the Hollywood Bowl shows.
***
c/o MAYDAY MANAGEMENT
68A DELANCEY STREET
LONDON NW1 7RY
ENGLAND

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Various Bits

Buy Pythonic DVDs!

Python Books
The poet Ewan McTeagle
John Cleese article, circa 1988
Python CD fun
David Letterman's "Top Ten reasons John Cleese Could Not Be On Our Program"
John Cleese newspaper clipping, circa 1989
Monty Python's Oscar Wilde Sketch

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[Profiles][Crusades][Gumby][Sounds][Address][Songs][Bits][Quotes][Links][Disclaimer]

And Now For Something Completely Predictable...
Python Quotes

Yes, yes, I know... everyone in the mass of humanity knows bits of the "Nudge Nudge" and "Dead Parrot" sketches. But how many buggers out there can recite the longish name of the world's greatest forgotten composer? And how many gits truly recall the Butcher who is alternately insulting and polite? Sure, you may remember all about "The Lumberjack Song", but do you remember the cannibalistic undertaker? If your interest is now somewhat tweaked, then mayhaps you'll kindly click on the following word to go to some of Python's funniest bits in written form...

Streuth!!

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[Profiles][Crusades][Gumby][Sounds][Address][Songs][Bits][Quotes][Links][Disclaimer]

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Spammy Links Section

Order Python DVDs for Christmas, Easter or Arbor Day from Amazon.com
and help support this site!

There are many Python links. Many many many many many. Some are cooler than exploding penguins, and others are about as useful as a breakfast of spam, egg, sausage, spam and spam without the spam. It's up to you to decide what's ball-bouncingly fun or what makes you opine for something completely different. So go search Yahoo and leave me be, you miserable fat Belgian bastards!

• Pythonline! Send insults to your friends, or get pictures, stories and
  by the Pythons, even play games... GREAT!!
  
• Alt.Fan.Monty-Python Newsgroup FAQ
  
• The Beeb's Flying Circus Website!
  
• A ripping Michael Palin page from the Goddess Of Oddness
  
• Yahoo's Python sites
  

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[Profiles][Crusades][Gumby][Sounds][Address][Songs][Bits][Quotes][Links][Disclaimer]

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"It's all a bit zany, a bit madcap... frankly, I don't fully understand it myself. The kids seem to like it..."

Oh bugger!

(Hey, don't steal my pics and such... email me first to ask!)

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DISCLAIMER! The words contained herein are indeed copyrighted materials (except for my bits), and are the creative work of some of the most brilliant and hilarious minds of the 20th century (no, I'm not talking about John Paul George and Ringo!). Use these words peacefully, do not use them as deadly weapons, and by all means show the Pythons a little respect and buy everything that you see with their names on it (just like I have!). You REALLY shouldn't be running around trying to sell these sketches (or images or sounds for that matter), and if you are, then shame on you!