Peanut's Story
This is the story of "Peanut". Peanut was to be our second child. We decided that when God felt it was time for us to have another child, we would...We tried for less than a month, and we were pregnant. I was excited, but scared at the same time. My innocence had been shattered after losing Michael, and I have met too many other mommy's of angels not to know that a thousand and one things can go wrong. One afternoon when I was about 6 weeks along, I had a sharp pain in my right side that wouldn't go away. It was bad enough that after a while, I called my doctor. I went in for an ultrasound and was diagnosed with a "pregnancy cyst" on my right ovary. During the ultrasound, I got to see a tiny gestational sac, but no baby. I was told that it could still be a little early yet to see the baby and not to worry too much. I went in the next day to have some tests ran, just to be sure. My HCG (pregnancy hormone) test was high at 11,000. Two weeks later, after seeing my doctor, another ultrasound was performed and again, no baby was visible in the gestational sac. At some point in my pregnancy, Peanut just stopped growing and developing and no one but God knows why. There was no medical reason why this should have happened. So, on December 23 ,1999, our second child was returned to God. I couldn't believe it. For the second time in six months, I went to the hospital pregnant and left again without a living child. To all those out there who think I was "not as attached" to Peanut as I was to Michael, that is simply not true. Just as in life, in death, I love my children equally.Dearest Peanut,
I am so sorry that I cannot give you a proper name...I have no way of knowing if you are a boy or a girl...I will have to wait till I get to Heaven to know that. But, since you were "Peanut" from the moment I knew you were there, "Peanut" you shall stay until we meet again. I want you to know that to your parents, you are no less our child than Michael. You were wanted, hoped for and dreamed of, just as your brother was...you are missed equally as well. I am sad that I did not get to know you, even a little bit. I barely knew you were there and you were gone. I just know in my heart that Michael picked out a wonderful soul to be his sibling. You are both as precious to me as breath...and you will be remembered and cherished forever in my heart. I will tuck your memory into a special place, right next to Michael, and keep you alive in my dreams. Always remember my sweet, tiny angel, you are loved from the bottom of your mother's broken heart.....
I will love you forever
I will like you for always
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be....
From Love You Forever By Robert Munsch
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