DARON'S JOURNAL

January 13th: Today you are one week old. I never knew I would love you so much. I fell in love with you when I first saw your face and that big yawn during your first ultrasound two months ago. I had no idea that we would be getting to know each other so soon. You are so tiny. The nurses say they see smaller babies all the time but you are the smallest baby I have ever seen. Your head is smaller than my fist. Your body is about the size of my hand. Your legs (the lower portions) are about the length of my index finger and about as big around. You lost some weight in the first three days but then it stopped. Sunday you gained one gram; Monday was seven grams; Tuesday was four grams; and today was a huge twenty-four grams. You are now at a total of 885 grams. You have been breathing on your own from the start and so far you haven’t had a bad day, although they warn me that it is a long road ahead for you. You have a great prayer covering, too. Pastor Jeff Fischer, Marlene Fischer, and Mary Wilkinson were all present at your birth. They also had a whole team of specialists assembled for your birth but you came so quickly that no medical staff was present when you popped out. Pastor Jeff was in the hallway shouting for help and within a couple of minutes the doctor was running down the hallway carrying you in his hands straight to the NICU. Pastor was so excited and he replayed your birth story for the whole congregation on Sunday. The Elders (Pastor Jeff, Jerry Humphries, Milt Martin and Tom Simpkin) came to pray for you on Wednesday night. You got plenty of other visitors, too: Aunt Paula (Hodges), Grandpa Gene (Sanders), Lisa Spencer, Liz Joy, Paul and Rachel Ilger, Kimarie Chartier, and Debby Kay.

January 14th: You sleep so peacefully. I got here in time to watch your tube feeding today. You just love to suck on your pacifier and they say this means you’re hungry. You just keep up your appetite because we want you to gain lots of weight. I am so proud of your progress so far. The results of yesterday’s head ultrasound came back normal. I was so worried because they said you might have some bleeding in your brain but it turns out that you don’t. Just as I was writing this, though, you had an attack of apnea. You stopped breathing for several seconds and your heart rate dipped to 44. Just remember how we practiced praying together Daron. If you get tired, just ask Jesus for help. The nurses say you do this about four times per day. I know you’re just a little guy and this is such hard work for you. I love you so much and I feel so helpless as I sit next to your isolette. It’s at these times we realize how much we need God. You’re so little and I’m so powerless but with God all things are possible! I just give Him thanks for your life. Another family was not so lucky. Yesterday their newborn daughter died. I can’t imagine how I would feel if this happened to you. To God the glory forever and ever.

January 15th: I don't know what it is but today you are more beautiful than ever. When I arrived you were wide awake, eyes wide open, looking all around.  I arrived just in time for your 2:30 p.m. feeding. They have you up to 7 cc's now and you are doing so well. I have been meeting other preemie parents on the Internet and I have heard so many stories, good and bad. I cannot compare you to others because you are your own unique self and God has a wonderful plan for your life. You are already a testimony to the greatness of our God and I'm sure this is only the beginning. I want to hold you badly but you are still too small. But you like it when I pat your leg or your back with one finger so I do this a lot. Your color is so much better after a week. You are no longer red but not quite baby pink. Another week or two. Your skin is getting dry also. When you go home I'll be able to put baby lotion on you and make your soft, soft skin even softer. I can't wait to be a real mommy to you, to snuggle you close to my heart but for now I watch and wait and thank God for my son.

January 16th: You are so strong, Daron. You are getting more and more attentive and you try so hard to control your environment. You like to lay on your stomach but when you are tired of a certain position you kick out your legs and move around. You end up in some uncomfortable looking positions but if I move you, you move yourself back. You even tried to turn your head. You got halfway there and then got stuck face down and I had to help you get the rest of the way there. You are determined, but not fussy. You reserve crying for very serious situations and all the nurses say you have a sweet, laid back personality. I remarked that I didn't think you got that from either parent but of course not. You are unique with your own personality. Your are such a blessing already and I know this blessing will just grow and grow!

January 17th: It's official! You are growing! This morning you weighed in at 936 grams which is one whole gram more than at your birth. You just keep up the good work, son. I swear you get more and more handsome with every day. You have been quite squirmy this afternoon. Your nurse says it's because you have a visitor. Of course you know mommy is here. We've known each other for a long time. They say you are normally very quiet. Actually I've noticed it, too. You are getting more attentive every day. You look around and you move yourself. Today you just stared and stared at me (my face was resting against the side of the isolette) and sucked on your feeding tube and then your fingers. I gave you your pacifier and you were happy. You sucked happily for about 20 minutes before falling into a peaceful sleep. You look just like an angel. It would seem that you will have a healthy appetite from all the sucking that you like to do. And that's a good thing because daddy wants you to be a football player.

January 18th: You were awake again today when I came. Either I'm coming at a good time or you know when to expect me. You just got done eating -- up to 9 cc's every 3 hours, that's almost 2-1/2 ounces per day. Apparently all of this food is working for you because you gained another 22 grams today. This week you have exceeded their expectations of 1/2 ounce (14 grams) per day. God has been so merciful and kind with your life. No matter what happens I praise the Lord that you are exactly as you should be according to His purpose. I don't understand it really, Daron, but your precious little life has drawn so many things together. My walk with Jesus is closer than ever before, as is your father's. You have also pulled our congregation together in supplication and thanksgiving. Also, daddy and I feel especially close right now, too. I still marvel at how a little life can make such a big impact.

January 19th: Today you have a new neighbor. Brynn was born weighing 1 pound, 7 ounces so you are no longer the smallest baby in the NICU. In fact, after looking at her you are starting to look bigger in comparison. You gained a whole ounce today so you are making good progress. They say the 10 cc feedings are probably you total stomach capacity so they will not increase for a few days. You are having more blood tests tomorrow; among other things they will check for jaundice again because you are a little yellow. Looks like you may have the teeny eye patches again soon. They actually glue small pieces of Velcro to the sides of your head to hold them on. Relatively speaking, you don't have too many devices anymore. In your left arm is the central line IV. This is where you are fed the extra nutrients which you cannot yet tolerate through your feeding tube. You get a yellow liquid which has proteins and vitamins. You also get an opaque white liquid which I was surprised to learn is fat. It does not clog the tubes -- I asked. In your right arm or one of your feet is a superficial IV for administering medicine. They change the location every few days because your veins can only handle small amounts. You have a little cuff on your other foot that measures your blood oxygen saturation. There are also little monitors taped to your chest to measure your heart rate and your skin temperature. In your isolette, as I mentioned before, you receive a small amount of oxygen. There is a probe laid next to your head to monitor the percentage of oxygen in the air. You are laying on a sheepskin and they roll up diapers to make "snakes" to position you just so. This equipment is overwhelming at first but I have gotten used to it quickly and am thankful that modern technology exists to keep you alive (with God's blessing).

January 20th: You reached another milestone! You crossed the kilogram mark (1009 grams). I was very excited when I called and heard the news on the phone. When I arrived, however, you were under the photo therapy lights because your bilirubin levels are at 13 (should be under 10). I was expecting this as you were starting to look a little yellow. They say it is probably due to the breast milk and is no big deal. The part that really startled me was the oxygen tubes under your nose. This is not an intrusive procedure (it lays under the nose and blows little streams of oxygen up your nose) but it is the first "assisted" breathing you have had in your first 2 weeks. Sometimes I feel like they don't give me the whole story when they say it is to be expected. You have had more apneas and bradycardias lately so they just want to help you breath easier. They say this is because your full little tummy presses against your diaphragm. I need to try to remember not to over-react to either the good or the bad. You will have ups and downs; it is a long road ahead of us and I will be beside you each step of the way. God knows what He's doing.

January 21st: I admit I didn't like the oxygen tube but today you are doing much better with the apneas and bradycardias.  I took 2 more pictures of you today.  That was the last of the roll so I should have new pictures of you in just a couple of days.  That will make daddy happy, too, because he doesn't have the privilege of seeing you everyday like I do.  Gail is your nurse today and I admit she is my favorite.  I got to turn you over onto your back, change your *very wet* diaper, take your temperature (under your arm), hold your bottle nipple (couldn't find your binky) which you tube fed, and then flip you back onto your tummy so can take a nap and digest your food.  You are doing a super job of digesting your 10 cc's so today they started adding Human Milk Fortifier to your breast milk to give you more calories.  you are doing so good at growing.  I'm starting to see a difference now.  You are resting so peacefully now but earlier you had hiccups and you were wiggling all around.  You looked at me for a long time again today.  I wonder what you can really see?  You have pretty gray-blue eyes right now.  I wonder if they'll stay blue?  Your hair is decidedly more blond than red.  I wonder how you'll look when you are free from your isolette and all of its accompanying wires and tubes?  But I'm trying to stay in the now, in today, because the future could hold so many different things.  We're just going to walk through this together, with God and your father, one step at a time.

January 22nd: Gail is the coolest nurse.  She lets me be so much more involved with your care than the others.  Today I got to hold you for a minute!  You were in the isolette so I couldn't cuddle you but I held you in my hands.  Your head rested in one palm while your body laid in the other.  You gazed up at me and I told you over and over that I love you.  I thought I would cry and I wanted so badly to cuddle you and rock you.  Soon, very soon, Little-D.  You gained another 1/2 ounce today.  I am so impatient sometimes but I just can't wait to care for this precious little gift that God gave me.

January 23rd: Is that a smile?  Are you old enough to smile yet?  I've noticed a half smile for several days but today you looked at me as I talked to you and tickled your chin and you let out a big grin over and over again.  If it wasn't a smile it was still the most precious thing I've ever seen.  You had me laughing with delight.  I got to hold you again as I attended to your 3 p.m. routine.  You lost 4 grams today.  That's the bad news but the good news is that they increased your feeding size to 12 cc's per feeding.  More foodies mean more weight gain.  I have become such an observant person around you.  Today I worried about the dark circles around your eyes.  The nurses say it is just because your skin is so thin and we can see all the blood vessels.  Daddy called today and I admit I sure do miss him.  He loves you so much, too.  God is really doing a work on all the members of this family.  I wish we were all together now instead of in 3 different places, but God is in charge and He is attending to each of our needs separately so that we can be a stronger family in the end.  I forgot to write this yesterday: You really love your pacifier, as I've said before, but Gail told me that it is a specially designed, hotsy-totsy pacifier with special ergonomic features.  You really like this although most babies prefer homemade pacifiers (a bottle nipple with tape over the end).  You did suck on the homemade deal a couple days ago when we couldn't find your special one but it is obvious that you prefer the special one.  She says this means that you will be an expensive child with exotic tastes.  That's okay, my precious little one, we will do everything we can to make you happy!

January 24th: Everyone at church loves you and prays for you.  It's amazing how inundated with questions and good wishes I am on Sunday morning.  In fact, I don't think I ever told you about this, the first Sunday following your birth we received an actual message from God.  A woman who I had never seen before came up to me and announced that she had a message from God.  She went on to tell me that because of my faithfulness you were healed.  She said my prayers should stop asking for healing and just thank Him for you.  I, of course, do thank Him over and over again for your life and your health.  She said that you were an answer to my prayers for patience and spiritual growth but not to fear for your life because you are healed and everyone will praise God for your life.  I really pondered this and everything she said has come true.  You have brought your parents closer to God and closer to each other.  You have united a church in prayer.  You are a miracle!

January 25th: Today I can't stay as long because I had to attend an appointment.  I hate when anything stands in the way of our visits.  You are doing so well.  You gained another 36 grams which puts you at 1104 grams total.  You are up to 13 cc's per feeding and I guess this is working well for you because they removed your central line IV today.  You now have superficial IV's in each arm.  One is used for your medicines and one is used for your nutrients.  Since they removed your central line I would imagine that they expect you to get enough calories from breast milk soon.  The other big news is that you have outgrown the tiny "Wee-Pee" diaper in your baby book and have graduated to regular preemie diapers.  The new ones are still a little big on you but at the rate you're going you'll fit in them in no time.  You are the light of my life, Daron.  It amazes me that I have slowed down enough to marvel at each little milestone but there really is nothing more important than you.

January 26th: Every day you are just a little bit more of a miracle.  Your doctor said today, "If only all the babies were like Daron we wouldn't have any problems!"  And your nurse said, "He just gets cuter and cuter every day!"  You are very close to coming off of both IV nutrition and oxygen cannula.  A few days after the IV ends, they will start trying to experiment with nippling.  I should be holding you in no time.  I can't believe how quickly you are progressing.  You are now 20 days old and you could be home in 5 or 6 weeks.  I'm so unprepared at home but I know the Lord will provide just in the knick of time.  And then I look at you and you smile.  They say you aren't smiling at me but I'm not so sure.  When I am very close to your face and speaking very quietly to you is when you smile the most.  Anyway, you are all that matters.  When you smile I can't help but remember that.  God will work out all the details for our good.

January 27th: You are three weeks old today.  When I arrived I noticed that they removed your heplock (the superficial IV which was used to give you medicines).  You are losing your hook-ups one by one.  Dr. Yu says your nutritional IV will be removed tomorrow.  I'm sure you are glad about that, even if it is only a 45-gauge needle that they stick you with.  I also discovered today that you are getting straight breast milk again.  I don't know how long that has been going on, maybe a couple of days.  I was worried about that.  I was wondering how we would manage that at home but they said you are doing just fine with my milk.  I am trying to eat well for you.  Tonight I am having liver for dinner so you can get plenty of iron.  You go up to 17 cc's for your 6 p.m. feeding.  They increase it so fast now I can hardly keep up with it.  You weigh 2-1/2 pounds now.  It's coming along, Daron, it's coming along.  I praise God for your healing!  Tonight is the family meeting at church.  I go every year.  Next year we will all go as a family!  Everyone can't wait to get a peek at you so I guess I'll take the blurry photos and show you off.

January 28th: You are needle-free today.  They pulled the last of your IV's.  You seem to be quite pleased that you have both hands free to suck on and pull out your oxygen cannula.  Well, you try to pull it out but you have been unsuccessful so far.  I arrived a little later than usual and was so pleased to see the good news.  You were already awake and anticipating your foodies.  I changed you and took your temperature while you shoved a thumb, a finger and finally a fist into your mouth in an effort to satisfy your hunger.  You were already about 5 minutes late being fed and waiting *patiently*.  I was so happy about your good day.  But wait, there's more!  Dr. Yu walked by and said very casually, "Daron is over 1100 grams now so let mom hold him for his feeding."  I felt tears fill my eyes.  Hold you?  I get to hold you?  So my poor hungry little baby had to wait 5 more minutes while you were dressed in a little shirt and cap and wrapped up in 2 receiving blankets.  I sat in the rocking chair and they handed me the little bundle.  I couldn't really feel any weight because you are still so tiny.  It was like holding a doll in a receiving blanket -- except this doll blinked and smiled and grunted and sucked on the little binky.  I couldn't believe how emotional I felt.  You just gazed at me and I gazed at you.  After your feeding (up to 18 cc's fortified) you fell into a peaceful sleep which I rocked you and thanked God for you.  I never wanted this moment to end but I knew Mary was waiting for me downstairs.  I was 5 minutes late getting down there and she looked at me like, "Where have you been?"  I handed her the picture that Dr. Yu took of us together.  She just broke out in a grin.  Any mother would understand.

January 29th: Steve came with me today.  It was the first time he had seen you in about 2 weeks.  He was surprised at how much bigger you had gotten.  He kept touching you and petting you.  He is much more tentative than I am now.  He wanted me to stretch you out and turn you over so he could see all of you.  He watched with great interest as I changed your diaper and took your temperature.  At feeding time I asked it I could hold you again.  Your nurse thought you were too little but upon checking with Dr. Yu it was added to your chart that I can hold you once a day.  Steve took lots of photos.  There's not too much to write today because all my time was spend just holding you.

January 30th: I was only home from the hospital for about an hour last night when Dr. Yu called to say you had a heart murmur.  I didn't really understand what this meant but she said you would be taken off of feedings, put back on an IV and given medication.  An ultrasound would be done on your heart and a pediatric cardiologist would be called in.  I immediately called the prayer chain.  It was a tearful night for me as I let my imagination get the best of me.  This isn't really a lack of faith in God.  I know you will be alright.  You're just not alright right now.  When I came in today you looked fine.  I don't know what I expected.  You were awake and alert.  You seemed happy to see me although I couldn't hold you today.  You had an IV in your foot again but your hands were still free to get into mischief.  They said you were responding well to your medication and you actually gained 16 grams.  (One of my fears of your treatment is that you would lose weight that took so long to gain.)  I was getting ready to leave when the ultrasound technician showed up so I stayed another hour to be with you.  She said your PDA looked smaller and that you would probably be alright.  They had not heard a murmur all day.  You were starting to get a little fussy -- I think 24 hours after the fact that you figured out they weren't feeding you!  I had to go but felt better about your prognosis.  Even surgery, after the procedure had been explained, didn't sound so bad.  But we are believing that Jesus will completely heal you without any further treatment.

January 31st: It's Super Bowl Sunday and my day was so very complicated.  I called the hospital to check on you before leaving for church.  They scared me again.  They said you gained too much weight (2-1/2 ounces) presumably because you are retaining fluids.  What does that mean?  They said they had to suction you because your nose was bubbly.  What does that mean?  I left worried again.  I need to get a grip.  I thought of the prayer I taught you when I was in the middle of worship.  You remember the one where I told you that if you were tired or scared or lonely to ask Jesus for help?  I need to follow my own advice and I cried out to God, "I am tired, I am scared and I am lonely!"  Tears streamed down my face.  I'm such a cry-baby this weekend.  Peace replaced my fear and I regained my hope.  After church, Paul Ilger took me to buy a freezer to store breast milk for you -- and Beverly Wiseman paid for it.  I thank God for his constant provision.  I could never have done this alone.  Steve and I stayed at Hope Chapel for the Super Bowl party.  Lots of junk food, big screen TV and I spent a couple of hours cutting out paper hearts for the children's church valentine project.  It was fun but I really missed you.  I usually spend the afternoon with you and today I'm somewhere else.  I wondered if you knew I wasn't there.  I don't know how much you realize your schedule.  I finally got to the hospital at 8 p.m. and stayed a couple hours.  You are off the IV again and back on the food.  I held you for about 45 minutes before you ate.  I thank God that your first real setback was mild and resolved so quickly.

February 1st: When the mail came today I discovered a package from Northern California.  I guess Newborns in Need contacted this woman and she sent me a package.  I was expecting patterns from the Missouri chapter because I sent them a small donation 2 weeks ago.  However, I was not expecting anything else.  I opened the box with great anticipation and in addition to the patterns there was material in cute boy patterns along with 3 little crochet blankets, a drawstring nightgown, a hand knit blue sweater, 3 little caps and a couple pairs of booties.  I was so overcome I was in tears.  It's been an emotional week for me!  I picked out a blue and white striped cap with a pom-pom and a soft blue blanket to bring to the hospital today.  You've worn hospital clothes so far (if at all) and these are your first real possessions.  I also brought the little stuffed kangaroo that Paul Ilger brought to me in the hospital before you were born.  It's so cute; it has a little joey in the pouch and Paul was sure to point out that the baby didn't come out.  Nonetheless, you were born a day and a half later.  While I was in labor I clutched that little toy tight and never let go.  It became my focal point.  Today it became your first toy.  It was wrapped in plastic wrap and placed inside your isolette.  You have many new things to feel and look at today but you don't seem too happy.  Your blood saturation has been dipping low ever since I got here.  It seems so overwhelming at times but I know God is in control and you are going to be just fine.

February 2nd: You're having a quieter day today with the monitor and it sure makes me happy.  Dr. Yu says they tried to nipple you (feed with a bottle) this morning but you had a weak response.  Apparently you aren't ready yet so they will try again in a couple days.  You really are still so small.  You lost 54 grams today.  I guess that excess weight gain from the weekend has now balanced out.  The nurse took a Polaroid picture of you while I was holding you.  This time I held my hand next to your head so we can capture the perspective of your size.  I have yet to see a photo capture your beauty and I'm afraid they never will because a Polaroid changes your coloring and the tape on your nose, cheeks and chin appears strange in a picture.  You look just like a little angel but that may be our little secret until you leave the NICU because of the limitations of film and lighting.  And I don't think I've really captured your smile although we shall see when the next roll of film is developed.  I'm really surprised that you are smiling so early but there is no mistake that it is a smile.  Your brothers did not smile until they were 6 to 8 weeks old.  I think that you smile because you have worked so hard in your short little life and you feel you have a right to be proud of yourself.  And your mommy agrees!

February 3rd: Boy, am I tired today.  I didn't get much sleep last night and I wonder if this is a preview of what's to come.  I spent the afternoon napping and arrived for your 6 p.m. feeding instead of 3 p.m.  I wonder if you realize I'm late?  Nurse Linda suggested that I just stay home today and rest, knowing that you are well taken care of.  Well, no, I don't think so.  Nothing will keep me away from my baby.

February 4th: I held you for 2 hours today.  I don't know which one of us enjoys it more but I can see this journal start to suffer because I would much rather hold you than sit and write.  You reached a wonderful milestone today.  Dr. Yu tried to nipple feed you and you took 10 cc's without choking or sputtering.  That's only about 1/3 ounce but it's a valiant first effort.  I am so proud of you and you are one more step closer to coming home.

February 5th: Your brother, Chuck, arrived late last night and he saw you for the first time today.  You are such a little darling you even charm a male teenager, disaffected as he is with the world.  He says he's never seen a baby as small as you and I know he was a little nervous around you.  Today you took 12 cc's from the nipple.  I wanted to feed you but all I could do was watch for today.  Actually I was able to take several pictures of you nippling and then Chuck took some of me holding you.  I am so very grateful for my family and I praise God everyday for your precious life!

February 6th: Both your brothers came to visit today.  You are only allowed 2 people at your bedside so they had to take turns seeing you.  Luckily for them they were downstairs getting coffee when I discovered you had a dirty diaper.  This was the first of many that I will change.  I also wrapped you in your blanket for the first time.  These are little triumphs and each one brings you closer to home.  Normally the nurse had wrapped you up and handed you to me while I sat in a rocking chair.  Now I do everything but actually gavage you.  You lost weight today (20 grams) and it is hard for me to not be sad.  I know it's really no big deal; overall you're gaining but I just keep thinking one more day longer until you can come home.  I must remember that God is in control and you will be home when we are both ready.

February 7th: Today was a happy day for me.  I was at church with Chuck, Steve and grandpa.  It was wonderful having our family reunited but I realized that next year we can all sit there again and you and daddy, too!  You did well with your feeding; you took a little over 10 cc's by nipple and the balance of your 25 cc's by gavage.  You gained 46 grams today so you are getting the correct amount.  It takes a lot of work for you to nipple -- that's why you lost weight yesterday.  We always pray together when I visit and thank God for helping you grow and for healing you.  I know you won't remember the actual prayers from these early days but I hope you always remember that we prayed for as long as you can remember.  This is a good habit that can never be started too early!  It wasn't your scheduled picture day but your feeding tube wasn't in when I arrived and I decided to try to capture your adorable face without all that tape on it.  I think I even got one of your dazzling smiles.  I had to bring you a bigger hat today because your first one is getting quite snug.  You have matching booties and they were just big enough to cover the pulse-ox sleeve so you were allowed to wear them.  You have many things to keep you warm now but the funny thing is you are developing a fat layer and can maintain your temperature better than ever.  I love you so much.  I enjoy our time together and marvel at all these little interactions like putting booties on your little feet.  I just keep praising God for your miraculous life.

February 8th: Such a good boy.  You finished your first bottle today.  You took a whole 25 cc's by nipple.  It was such hard work for you and by the end of the feeding you passed out.  I think the real difference from yesterday is that the nurse held you during the feeding.  In the past you were propped up in the isolette while you nursed.  Since you are happier when you are held it would make sense that you would try harder.  When I arrived today I discovered that the NICU nurses had made you a birthday card for your one month birthday on Saturday.  It's very cute with a little record on the front but the best part is when you open it there are your one month footprints.  I scanned them and sent them to daddy, along with some measurements I took.  I needed the measurements for Velayn Barrett to make you some baby clothes.  Can you imagine you were this small?  Base of head to wrist is 6-1/2".  Base of head to elbow is 4-1/4".  Head circumference is 11".  Base of neck to bottom of (saggy) diaper is 8".  Base of neck to knee is 9".  And last but not least, your chest (under your arms) is 11".  You are my small but mighty miracle!

February 9th: I think I understand why your birth progressed so quickly.  Once the doctor broke my water you couldn't have stayed in there for more than 5-10 minutes longer.  Mary told me last night that you were born with your umbilical cord wrapped around your neck.  Apparently you almost died and that was why no one would answer me when I asked, "Is he moving?  Is he okay?"  As long as you were in the amniotic fluid the cord was no threat to you.  Once the sack was broken you needed to get out and God is merciful.  He didn't let me lose you.  You had your first eye exam last night.  The pediatric ophthalmologist says, "so far, so good!"  You have a very fine line of scar tissue in your left eye which qualifies you for Class I Retinopathy of Prematurity (ROP).  Class I is very mild and shouldn't have any lasting problems for you.  They will continue to monitor your precious little eyes to make sure it doesn't progress.  I wish you were off the oxygen!  I called Marlene again this morning to request prayer for you.  As always, I must remember that you are God's baby and we have set you apart for God's service.  He is in charge of your eyes and every other one of your parts.

February 10th: Your eating is coming along so well!  You take two whole bottles now -- one at 3 a.m. and one at 3 p.m.  They increased your feeding size to 27 cc's but you snuck a couple extras in this afternoon's feeding.  You gulped down 29 cc's but I guess it was too much because you did spit up a few minutes after you were done.  Not much, just about 2 cc's!  I had no idea your feeding was such an exact science.  I thought, "Oh good!  He needs a little extra!"  I want to fatten you up as quickly as I can but I must be patient.  You must go at your own pace and your doctor knows exactly what that is.  We had a really beautiful moment today.  I was holding you in front of me, gazing at your precious face, and speaking softly words of love to my son.  You would look at me off and on, as you drifted into your after-bottle slumber, and you just kept grinning.  I kept thinking that you were asleep and then there was that gorgeous smile over and over again.  You finally did go to sleep about 10 minutes before I had to leave.  I laid you in your isolette and tucked you in with your special little handkerchief-sized preemie blanket.  You were so peaceful when I slipped away.  I love you so much, Daron.  You're God's precious gift to me.

February 11th: You not only hit 3 pounds today but you passed it up by over an ounce.  I can't wait until you get home but I was told today that you might be home as quickly as three weeks!  Well, I'm not quite ready at home yet.  Looks like mommy better get busy with the bedroom.  You are up to three bottles per day now and I may get to actually feed you in a day or two.  Dr. Yu says you should be getting most of your feedings by bottle within a week.  I can't believe how quickly you are progressing.  The size of your feeding is increasing by 1 cc every other feeding -- currently at 28 cc's.  You are forming some fat now, too.  You were so scrawny when you were born but now you are developing fat little cheeks and chubby arms and legs.  My big boy!

February 12th: Another wonderful day for my son.  Today, praise God, they took you off of oxygen.  That has been my biggest prayer this week and as we already know, our God is faithful.  Your feeding tube is now inserted through your nose.  You are so happy to have your mouth free.  You have all sorts of new faces you make and you love to play with your tongue.  There is only one little piece of tape left on your face and it will be gone soon.  Your feedings by nipple have increased to every other feeding.  Another one of my dreams came true today because I was the one to give you your 3 p.m. feeding.  You took a whole ounce in about 20 minutes -- quite impressive, I must say.  Afterwards we did our normal little cuddle routine.  I snuggle you and pray with you and tell you how much I love you.  You, in turn, smile and coo and drift in and out of peaceful slumber.  While we were doing this, Nurse Holly took a Polaroid to capture your tape-free face.  I was amazed at how much you resemble daddy in this picture.  My two favorite guys!  Well, I can't forget my other two favorite guys:  Steve and Chuck.  I'm a very lucky woman to have such a blessed family.  Thank you, God, thank you . . . I can't thank You enough!

February 13th: My poor little guy got tired out and had to go back on the oxygen today.  I'm disappointed but I know God is in control.  He helps you breathe and when your lungs are ready, you will come off that added little bonus.  Steve came to see you today and we took some pictures.  He is the one who took my favorite pictures of you so far.  We took one with your head lying in my hand and you were smiling.  I hope it comes out.  He also snapped the first one of my holding you and giving you a bottle.  He is really getting fond of you.  He is working through a lot of different emotions.  He loves you most of all but he doesn't feel comfortable around such a small baby yet.  And he is a little jealous of being usurped from the "baby" position after over 16 years but as he falls in love with his little brother this is going away.  He gazes at you with such fascination.  I'm glad he could visit today; I think the two of you will be very close when you come home.

February 14th: Happy Valentine's Day, Daron!  You are my little sweetheart.  They have increased your feedings to every time now.  Well, at least you have the option to eat by bottle if you choose.  This is really tiring you out and you are not as vigorous with your feedings this way.  I had to really work with you to get 30 cc's down the hatch.  They are concerned that you might not be getting enough sleep.  You were at the crankiest I have ever seen you.  About three different times during our visit you started crying for no apparent reason but even when cranky you are a mild-tempered baby.  You only cried for 20-30 seconds and were easily comforted by my voice.  You have an adorable pout, although not quite as precious as you smile which you also flashed several times.  If you don't finish your feeding, they will gavage the rest so you won't go hungry.  I held you for such a long time today.  You were asleep for the last 45 minutes, just warm and snuggled up close in the crook of my arm with your head resting over my beating heart.  This is just why God designed mommy with all those soft spots and we will spend plenty more moments like this.

February 15th: You have graduated to ad lib feedings which means you can eat as much as you want and as often as you want.  You haven't been doing as well with your feedings since I left yesterday but hopefully by feeding you on demand you will get hungrier and eat more.  You must take at least 27 cc's every 3 hours or 35 cc's every 4 hours but you are welcome to eat more if you so desire.  I guess now will be the time we discover if you really do have your daddy's appetite.  You will have more opportunities to cry now, too.  Hey, maybe that will help develop those little lungs.  I was at home last night reading in a magazine about a baby's abilities, temperaments and motor skills in the 1st and 2nd months of life.  You are pretty much on track, actually.  This surprised me a little.  I just assumed you would be behind because of your prematurity.  You smile, you track things with your eyes, you can partially turn yourself -- all these things are "normal" for a baby your age.  It should be interesting to see how this progresses.  I expect you to be a little behind but perhaps you won't be.  Perhaps you will surprise us all.  I mean, that's really what you've been doing from the very beginning!  My little miracle continues to amaze.  What a wonderful God we serve!

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Last updated:  February 15, 1999