An Interview With a Local School Teacher - By Ryan "The Wizard of Poop" Cook

I went into the underground to get the real scoop on some serious issues and learn more about the constitution here it is in an exclusive no hold barred interview with %$$^&&$# (The name has been excluded to protect certain people):

1. Ryan: So ^%%%^%^& what do you do for a living?

$$^&&$##: Well I my name am #$%%^&& and I be here to help the society of children cause they be our future leaders. So in a sense I am a 9th grade civics teacher at Smith Cotton High School.

2.Ryan: Now #$%%^&& ... I can call you #$%%^&& right?

#$%%^&& : you best respeeet yer elders! Boy!

3. Ryan: Now first what are your opinions on the O.J Simpson case? I know this is old news but I hear you have strong opinions about it

#$%%^&& : Well it all comes down to the fact that he is a poor black man tormented by society. I don't see how he could have done it, he played football!

4 Ryan: I hear you man, I mean how could an ex football player, holding a knife, possibly kill an unarmed man and woman?

#$%%^&& : my point exactly boy!

5. Ryan: How do you feel about the youth of today and the crime amongst them?

#$%%^&& : Well I try to tell me students you know donut be afraid to axe questions. My neighborhood used to be a mess but I moved in and I cleaned it up. What the youth of today needs is a good look at the constitution. The government is here for them.

Ryan: Oh yes.

#$%%^&& : You know in Kansas City teachers are getting bonuses just for taking a job there and here we get no money.

Ryan: Isn't that a little off sub...

#$%%^&& : You hush when I am talking boy! You want a quiz... You know you just gotsta have a love for de kids. Any questions? Any comments? All right then. Ok

Ryan: You seem to believe this constitution thing but yet you hush me when I try to speak?

#$%%^&& : I think you need the internet. On the net you can be where you want whenever you want. You could go to Russia boy!

Ryan: Look at the time I better be going.

#$%%^&& : It was nice talking to you anyways I need to get back to work on this letter to our senator. Don't be afraid to axe questions! It is about Wal-mart, they need to let truckers in.

Ryan: Yeah, well I’m going to go now.

(NOTE: #$%%^&& continued to speak, even after Ryan had clearly left the room, and even turned off the light… fortunately, our little reporter left his Dictaphone in the room with #$%%^&& .. the conversation continues.)

#$%%^&& : Boy! You stop sassing me! Do you need a quiz?

-Silence-

#$%%^&& : I TOLD you not to sass me, boy! This is America! A land where anyone can do ANYTHING they want……except for talk in MY class!

-Silence-

#$%%^&& : Yeah, that’s what I said… Hey, did you know that there are NUCLEAR trains running through Sedalia? Yep, there are… but you won’t ever see them durin’ the day. No, sir. They go at night, cause the protesters would cause a ruckus! I tell you wha…..

-Tape ends-