The current Santa

An announcement from Lapland last month confirmed the rumours that the current Santa Claus, Mr Jeff Jones of London, England, is to retire. Mr Jones took over as Santa Claus, the 386th since records began, in 1968 when the previous Santa was killed in a tragic sleigh accident.

"I wan to spend more time with my family." said Mr Jones, 89.

This Christmas will be Mr Jones' last, and an announcement regarding his successor will be made in February.

"We are currently considering several replacements, including 2 women," said Mr Zywiglle, chief Elf at Lapland.

Rumours that the new Santa will be Sean Connery are denied by Lapland officials.

A student from Royal Holloway has shattered the Physics world with revelation about the origin of the Universe. Joe Bourne has made claims that the Universe was in fact farted from the stomach of a Cosmic Cow.

Rumours that Joe has had too many pints of Stella Artois beer are denied.

A leak from America has claimed that a new WWW browser interface is in development. The new browser, MindBrowse, uses a direct link to the users subconscious. The user then 'dreams' the WWW in their sleep. Ending the era of the bleary eyed web surfer, the new browser is expected some time in 2003.

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