THEIR ARE MANY ANGELS IN MY LIFE NOW IT SEEMS AS THOUGH SINCE I GAVE UP THE PAIN TO GOD, I AM ABLE TO FEEL AGAIN!
There truly are people in our world who are God's angels and sent into our lives to help. They do God's work without question. They hear the call and they go.
I have found myself once again in a place that there is peace. It took a long time to get here but it feels good. I do beleive in God and Jesus Christ. In the emergency service we do God's work everyday. But sometimes we loose ourselves and become absorbed in our work. I have always taken pleasure in helping others. But in doing that I have lost myself along the way.
I know that God has sent his angels here on earth to help me. They have helped me on my JOURNEY FROM THE DARKNESS INTO THE LIGHT. These angels have come in many forms. Some have said that I have helped them as much as they have helped me.
Recently when I attended church the pastor told us a story of goats and sheep. He told that in Israel they look alike. The only way that you can tell the difference is in how they act. Goats are head strong and go their own way and Sheep are passive and follow the shepard. When the Goats and the Sheep go to heaven and stand before God the Sheep are let in because they followed the shepard without question. The goats go you know where because they only thought of themselves and went through life without caring or following their shepard.
He than presented a question to the congregation. Are you a goat or a sheep? He explained, do you go through life with faith and love in your heart or do you go through life without direction, faith or caring for other people?
He told us if we want to walk with God here on earth we must profess we want to be a sheep. By doing this we give up the me concept and follow the lord to the promise land. I want to be a sheep. I know that having faith in God helps when things become overwhelming he will help. Usually one of my angels show up or someone touches my life and things change. I have finally found faith and hope for the future. Something I had lost many years ago.
There are many people that don't beleive there are angels especially ones that are right here on earth. To me an angel is someone who touches your heart. Whether it be a smile or a touch or just someone who will listen when the whole world seems to be turning and your stuck in one place. You can say I get stuck once in a while.
I may get angry but I still have peace in my heart. God has seen to it. I appreciate every moment I get to spend with my children. And they say God only gives you what you can handle. Well I am handling it but sometimes it seems hopless. But I know if I take a step back, I will be ok.
January 16,2000. Wow a new century and a new way of thinking all at the same time. A passage from the bible states "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." Exekiel 36:26.
It is sort of funny that for the last year I have been given a new heart. One that can love myself and others too. I have always had faith in my heart but today something just happened. I felt as though I was renewed. I found myself not feeling dirty and worthless anymore. That horrible feeling went away.
Today while I was in church it hit me. (no not the ceiling) The pastor was talking about being caught up in the world and the horrors of it. I am not sure what got me I think it was when he said anyone who wants to renew their faith come forward. As I was singing walking down the isle I realized right there right then a new life would be starting for me. I asked the pastor if he would do me the honor of baptizing me and washing away all the bad stuff and begin again.
The whole service was about being in the right frame of mind. I may still hurt but I would be renewed. You can say even though the horrors of my past are still there now there are many angels that will walk with me and I will be ok.
January 25, 2000
Jesus said, "So don't be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time."
- Matthew 6:34
It seems that it is so very easy to worry. I believe that "worry" is one of the most effective weapons that the devil has. If Satan can attack our minds and stress us out by worrying about things we have no control over, he has won a victory.
Too often, all of us allow our minds to be flooded with "what if" questions, "Oh man, I have to go to the doctor tommorrow. I bet it is something serious." OR "I wonder what my Captain thinks about my performance? How on earth am I going to stay calm at that meeting tommorrow?"
This weeks's verse has Jesus Himself speaking to us. Our Real Chief instructs us to not worry. He also reassures that God will take care of things. In other words, why allow Satan a place in your mind? Worry is a cancerous disease that destroys our spirits.
I think advice from our Lord is advice worth taking... stop worrying. Let Him take care of things. That means you must turn your worries over to Him on a daily basis and live for today. God will handle tommorrow for you.
September 13,2000, I have taken my faith one step further I attended a program at church last night. It was about love, faith and beleiving. On November 8, 1998, I went forward in church after a sermon about the walls of Jericho and how Joshua listened to the call and with Gods help brought the walls tumbling down. I felt so good that day. I had given up a lot of stuff and was ready to move forward. In someways in order to move forward I had to go back to the past and begin again.
Shortly after I had given my heart to Jesus things began to go wrong. Everything I thought was important to me just slipped out of my hands. All in the name I was to happy to be a dispatcher. They never got the point. They probably never will. I thought who I was centered around my job. Well God made sure I remembered to turn to those who loved me and lean on them. It has been 2 very long years. But God has carried me until my faith was strong enough to walk on my own again.
It is hard to beleive there is a God when we see the things we do in emergency services. But what we forget to see is that God is very much a part of why we do our jobs. It is our calling. Don't get me wrong, I miss my job, but there is something bigger out there for me and I know that going out and telling my story is my way of spreading God's word.
Since rededicating my life, I have realized there is a whole world out there that I have been missing. I am truly like the butterfly who has come out of it's coccoon. I am soaring and I love the view from here.
The sound playing is Reach out to Jesus. What better advice is there then reaching to him when life is so overwhelming that tomorrow seems so far away. He is our light in the darkness. This song really explains the feelings in my heart. The Life I chose to live, I carried the burdens alone. Instead of turning to Jesus and asking for help. Now when things are getting to much for me, I sit quietly and say a little prayer and the feelings of pain and anguish seem to disappear for just a while. I truly have given my problems up to him. Now there is room for better things. I know that I was saved that night to be able to do something better with my life. My mission today and the rest of my life is to spread the word that there is help out there if you would just stop and ask.
Life is short enough without going through life numb. Today is the present and we must treat it as a gift. That is why it is called the present.
