1. When it was first opened, the stupid cleaners polished the floor of the entrance so much that everyone kept falling on their arses before they got anywhere near the shops.

2. The biggest attraction of the arcade is the Wishing Fish Clock, which draws thousands of tourists on the promise of an experience not be missed, but disappoints most of them by simply blaring out a particularly cheesy rendition of 'I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles' whilst a big wooden fish spits washing up liquid out of its mouth.

3. The Regent Arcade has a sign outside which, amongst other things, prohibits 'loitering'. This is presumably why none of the shop's has lasted more than 5 months before moving out.

4. The big doors on the second floor of the Regent Arcade can be gained access to by a breaking an invisible infra-red beam at approximately knee-level. This will gain you access to, amongst other things, the tannoy system which plays the "Bubbles" song, but God knows what use that sort of information is.

5. The circular seats in the Regent Arcade are a popular haunt for the local youth, mostly because they provide an interesting variant on their usual habit of sitting in a straight line on the benches in the High Street.

6. Every Christmas, the Regent Arcade put up their decorations, which involves a great big Christmas tree shaped like a minge, and decorations on only one wall. Thus, you can avoid the decorations altogether by walking sideways. Hiding under the minge tree is a viable option, but Freud could have written whole books on that.

7. Shops which have spectacularly failed in the Regent Arcade include:

• The Longplayer, a record shop whose policy included pricing records at two or three pounds above everyone else and waiting for the customers to come rolling in. Also had a funny carpet by the door that made your feet go in the wrong direction.
• Our Price, another record shop which disappeared when Virgin decided to take over the Our Price chain. It's main failing was being hidden by the escalator, showing that even when applying complex business theories to shop management, a moving staircase can still come along and fuck everything up.
• Tomorrow's Music, which sat on the second floor trying to get noticed for a good ten years before finally giving up. The man who owned it is probably now wondering why the hell he wasted ten years of his life sitting in a shopping arcade playing electronic keyboards.
• The Body Shop, which decided after several years to move out of it's premises by the escalator in the Regent Arcade to a new location just to the front of the escalator in the Regent Arcade. If only Our Price had thought of that, and then we'd still have somewhere which sells those stupid little mini CDs.
• Confetti, which even I'd almost forgotten about. Sold a lot of sweets in a lot of pink paper bags. As far as I am aware, the only shop to move out of Cheltenham because it got bored.
• Planks, because the market for blue candles with gold moons and suns on dried up when every teenage girl had received one from every one of her teenage girl friends.

8. The Regent Arcade is currently home to Cheltenham Radio, a popular radio station manned entirely by a computer.

9. People walking through the Arcade divide into two types: Those who confidently walk down the centre aisle, thus risking taunts from said sitting-down youths and passing 'sads', and those who stick to the sides where they can't be seen. Where the escalator blocks the central aisle, the two tribes are thrown together, and several bloody wars have broken out between the factions in this area. Just goes to show that in a balanced but fragile socio-political system, a moving staircase can still come along and fuck everything up.

10. The Regent Arcade, named after it's rear entrance in Regent Street, was going to be named after it's main entrance, but they realised that a name like "The High Arcade" would attract several more youths than it intended, for all the wrong reasons.

11. When me and my two friends stalked John "Blue Peter" Leslie when he came to Cheltenham, he used the Regent Arcade as a subtle method of losing us. And if you're reading this, John, hello, yes it was me, and I've still got the piece of skin I managed to cut off you.

12. The Regent Arcade opens on Sundays now, but unfortunately the shops inside don't.

13. The glass lift in the Regent Arcade is not only a great way of getting laughed at by staring strangers, but also makes a great cubicle to guide a drunk person into in the false belief that it is a public toilet.

14. There are two cafes in the Regent Arcade itself, the one at the main entrance, and the one hanging over Regent Street, where I went once and noticed that my fingers smelt funny.

15. The men's toilets in the Regent Arcade have a timetable on the wall detailing which cleaner performs which shift during the week. Unfortunately, every space on the chart is filled with the same name: Dave.

16. There is a beautiful display of Victorian Cheltenham on the second floor of the Regent Arcade, which is second only to the display outside the front entrance in terms of being completely ignored.

17. The Regent Arcade is a very popular meeting place for people in general, and you can always see people hanging around the entrance looking embarassed as they wait for someone. You will also sometimes see a group of Mexicans playing a song, although this is a rare treat and only saved for special occassions - e.g. the days when my girlfriend doesn't turn up and I am thus forced to listen to their reportoire four times.

18. There is a glass cabinet outside the Regent Arcade which has a display attributed to one of the shops within, which nobody takes a blind bit of notice of. Unless they're waiting for somebody, e.g. a 'partner', in which case they will probably be able to describe it blindfolded by the time said person arrives.

19. If you watch television in the Central area (or often beyond), you can see an advert all about the Regent Arcade. Surprisingly, it doesn't mention the Wishing Fish Clock at all. I'm obviously lying.

20. The Regent Arcade was threatened with a rival late into its existence, with the new Beechwood Place touted as a serious competitor for the commercially successful shopping mall. Unfortunately, Beechwood Place turned out to be a bit shit, with a 'tropical theme' that lasted all of 5 minutes before being ripped out. (Like most of the shops, in fact).

If anyone has their own facts or memories about the Regent Arcade, send them in to greatleon@geocities.com, and I'll put together a reader's Top 20. Probably.