How to die

Author: unknown, Submitted by: Boulotis Dimitris on Mar. 6 1999

Two guys were talking about death,suffering etc.
So the one guy tell the other:
"I would like to die like my father. He died easy, fast,without pain. Same as his passengers"

Squawks

Author: unknown Submitted by: Ed Medlin on Mar. 4 1999

"Here are some actual maintenance complaints generally known as squawks or problems submitted recently by Qantas pilots to maintenance engineers. After attending to the squawks prior to the aircraft's next flight, the maintenance crews are required to log the details of action taken as a solution to the pilots squawks. The following are some recent squawks and subsequent responses by maintenance crews." ***
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.
***
(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
***
(P) #2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
(S) #2 propeller seepage normal - - #1, #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage.
***
(P) Something loose in cockpit.
(S) Something tightened in cockpit.
***
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
(S) Evidence removed.
***
(P) DME volume unbelievably loud.
(S) Volume set to more believable level.
***
(P) Dead bugs on windshield.
(S) Live bugs on backorder.
***
(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute decent.
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
***
(P) IFF inoperative.
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
***
(P) Friction lock causes throttle levers to stick.
(S) That's what they're there for!!
***
(P) Number three engine missing.
(S) Engine three found on right wing after brief search.
***
(P) Aircraft handles funny.
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious!!
***
(P) Target Radar hums.
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words.

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