Lets face it, how many of us get up in the morning, look in the mirror and say "You are the coolest person I know"?

If you said yes to that question, put down the twinkie, turn off the Star Trek marathon you are watching on TV and spend a few moments reflecting about yourself....but wait.. let me help you out...HELLO...McFLY!!!!!!...You are sitting in front of a computer! The world is right outside your door and you are looking at www.monkeyspank.com!

Ok, so maybe you spend all your time at alt.dungeons.and.dragons.get.a.life.already and thats part of the no date since high school thing thats been bothering you lately but we'll come back to that later. (Actually we won't, but I wanted to give you false hope that you'd actually know how to meet someone that doesn't snort when they laugh)

I think you know where I am going with this, and now that we have established that you are not the hip cat you thought you were, lets look at some of the daily challenges we all face.

To establish if you are living a lifetime of stupidity, ask yourself these questions..If you answer yes to any of these...Welcome to the club!

• Have you ever been in the shower and couldn't remember whether you have shampooed your hair?
• Have you ever tried to stick gum under a table only to get it stuck to your fingers and then on your clothes?
• Have you ever gotten lost in a walk in closet?
• Have you ever gotten candy hung in the candy machine and then get your arm stuck trying to get it out?
• You act like you know the words to Louie Louie when you sing along with it at parties
• You wondered how that guy name Staff could teach so many classes in college?
• You got drunk and pee'd off a balcony at a party onto an off duty policeman ...(oh like I'm the only one thats ever done that)  

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I could go on but I'm betting you are already putting down your cheetos bag and reaching for the mouse. Wait! This is life-altering stuff you are reading.

Don't worry if you answered yes to any of these. Life is not hopeless.....yet. For a real self analysis, I recommend "A Confederacy of Dunces" by John Kennedy Toole. Guaranteed required reading by some of the more "hip cats" around the net.

This page was featured in The Mining Companies "Worst of the Web"

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By now you are thinking one of two things... A. this guy is right, I am killing myself right after the big Dr.Who convention tomorrow or

B. this guy is speaking from experience here, maybe I should find out more about him

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