Monkey Business

       I will always remember the day that the
evil Doctor Marshmallow captured my friend and
I. That was a day in late summer. My friend and
I were walking along, talking to the trees 
(talking to the trees helps them grow) and 
carrying on conversations with the birds. If we
had paid a little more attention to the birds, 
we would have realized that there was danger 
afoot. Everyone knows that birds are flighty 
creatures, though, so we disregarded their
warnings.

	We had been walking along for about an
hour, and had come to a delightful little 
babbling brook. Walking and talking with the
trees and birds was tiring work, and we decided
to go get a drink. I leaned down and took a 
drink from the brook, and I instantly realized
something was wrong with the water. I looked to
my friend to warn him, but I was too late! He 
had drunk from the brook as well. Before we 
knew what happened, we were fast asleep.

	When I woke up, my friend and I were in
a laboratory. I looked around for a method of 
escape, but saw only one door and no windows. 
My friend and I were restrained to two tables by
straps buckled across our bodies. I was 
examining our restraints when an evil looking 
man walked in. He was wearing a long white lab 
coat, and his white hair stuck out in all 
directions, prompting one to imagine a white 
porcupine sitting on his head. His gray eyes 
held a hint of madness.

	While I was observing his, the evil man
was observing us. He examined our restraints to
be sure they were secure. After he seemed 
certain that we were completely restrained and 
no threat, he did a little victory dance. His
victory dance reminded me of a rooster crowing. 
Shortly after I came to this conclusion, he 
began crowing like a rooster. I immediately 
decided that this man wasn't completely sane, 
and resolved to escape as soon as possible.

	Eventually, he stopped crowing and 
looked at my friend and I. "I have captured 
you," he said.

	"Really? I hadn't noticed," I replied.

	This answer seemed to upset the man, as
he promptly slammed his fist on the table. 
Apparently, slamming his fist on the table 
caused him some pain, as he began screaming. A 
short, dwarf-like creature entered the room, 
apparently hearing the screams. 

	"Yes, Master?" the dwarf asked.

	The man continued screaming and motioned
at his hand. The dwarf apparently understood 
this, as he walked over to a cabinet, and 
opening it, pulled out a bandage. He applied 
this bandage to the man's hand, and the man 
immediately stopped screaming.

	"Do you know who I am?" the man asked.

	"Should we?" my friend retorted, 
speaking for the first time.

	"I am the greatest mind known to man! I
am Doctor Marshmallow!" The Doctor cackled.

	My friend and I snickered. "Doctor 
Marshmallow doesn't sound like a name for 'the
greatest mind known to man'," I said.

	"Fine!" he stormed. "Mock me if you 
like. You'll see. You'll see." He cackled with
evil glee as an idea formed in his head. "Slur!"
he shouted. The dwarf-man approached the Doctor
with a questioning look. "Take them to the 
Vault!"

	"Oh, the Vault," Slur repeated, a 
malicious relishing of the words in his tone. 
"Are you sure the vault isn't too much, Master?"

	"You dare question me?" the mad Doctor
half-screamed. Slur trembled in terror and shook
his head. "Good!" said the Doctor. "To the 
Vault!"

	Slur, hoping not to provoke the Doctor
further, complied. He hurriedly unbuckled the
restraints and tied our hands. He led us out of
the laboratory and through a labyrinth of halls.
At each door, he stopped and hopped once, 
clicking his heels together. My friend and I were
amused at this ritual. Our quiet giggling seemed
to annoy Slur, but he made no move to stop us.

	Eventually, Slur seemed to reach the door
he was looking for and stopped walking. He fumbled
with a key ring for a moment, and my friend 
offered to help. Apparently, Slur wasn't as stupid
as he seemed, because he merely gave my friend an
exasperated look and continued his search of the 
keys on the ring. Finally, he found the one he 
wanted and unlocked the door. Before opening it,
however, he untied our hands. My friend and I 
looked at one another, ready to attempt escape.
Slur apparently sensed our plans, however, and
before we could run he opened the door and threw us
in the room, closing and locking the door behind us. 

	My friend and I pounded on the door for a
moment, hoping to escape that way. Eventually, we
realized that the door was too strong, and we gave
up on that rout. We turned to examine the room in
which we were imprisoned. To our surprise, the room
was full of monkeys! There were hundreds of small
monkeys scattered about the room, most no taller
than a foot. My friend and I wandered around the 
room, looking for any means of escape.  The only
thing that seemed like a possible escape was a 
heating vent in the ceiling. There were two 
problems, however. The heating vent was locked, and
neither my friend nor I were tall enough to reach 
it in any case. 

	We walked over and stood beneath the 
heating vent, even though any escape we attempted
in that way would be futile. Even if we had a means
to open the vent, we wouldn't know which way to go
to get out of the place.

	While we were contemplating this, one of
the monkeys had approached us. This monkey was much
bigger than the rest. He was about four feet tall,
whereas the rest of the monkeys were no more than a
foot. I wondered what this monkey could want, but my
questions were soon answered.

	"I am Louie, the leader of these monkeys," 
said the monkey, with an accent strangely like that
of the English.

	My friend and I thought it only proper to
introduce ourselves. "I am Dachary," I said, "and
this is my friend, Brad," I finished, pointing to 
my friend. "We have been captured by the evil 
Doctor Marshmallow. Do you know how we can escape?"
I asked, hardly daring to hope.

	"Many have come here with hopes of escape,"
he began. "I told them how to escape on the 
condition that they help free my fellow monkeys and
I. They agreed, but as soon as they were free, they
left, making no attempt to help us."

	"Why, hat's horrible!" said Brad, appalled
that anyone who agreed to such a deal would break
their word.

	"Yes, it is," replied Louie. "We have been
trapped here a long time," he said, "and like you,
we would like to be free."

	"Of course we'll free you, if you can help
us free ourselves!" I said, determined to show 
these monkeys some kindness.

	"How do I know that you'll keep your word?"
asked Louie, reluctant to believe us.

	"What can we do to prove our good 
intentions?" asked Brad.

	"I have an idea. There are two of you. 
Presumably, neither of you would be willing to 
leave the other behind." Here he paused and looked
at us questioningly, and we nodded. "Well, one of 
you could go in front of the monkeys, and one of 
you can go behind them. This way we are insured
freedom because you would not desert each other."

	Brad and I nodded, smiling. "That is a 
splendid idea!" I said.

	Louie pointed out the fact that if I stood
on Brad's shoulders, and Louie stood on my 
shoulders, we would be able to reach the vent. 
Louie had acquired a paper clip, and he proposed 
to pick the lock on the vent and open it. Brad and
I agreed to this idea, and we maneuvered quickly 
to pull it off. Louie had some skill in picking 
locks, and in no time at all, the vent was open. I
climbed up into the vent, and Brad stayed below to
help the small monkeys up into the vent. Louie sent
the small monkeys scouting to find the correct path
out of the maze of vents and to freedom. The 
monkeys soon began returning, just as Brad finished
helping the rest of their numbers up into the vent.
They found the way out, and led Louie and I through
the vents. The little monkeys followed, and Brad 
followed after them.

	Eventually, we reached the end of the 
heating system and stepped out. We were less than 
half a mile from the brook where Brad and I had 
paused to take a drink earlier in the day. We were
thirsty again after all our hard work, but we had
learned our lesson. We advised Louie to steer clear
of that brook, and began to walk off.

	"Would you like to come to our land with 
us?" Louie asked suddenly.

	Brad and I looked at one another, then back
to Louie. "We appreciate your offer, Louie, but I 
think we'd like to go home. It's been a long day."
Brad nodded. Unable to resist, I added, "Besides, a
land of talking monkeys with English accents is 
quite liable to drive us as insane as the mad 
Doctor."

	Louie merely grinned and said, "Why do you
think he's insane?" as he walked away.