We borderlines are not very adept at handling rejection---in fact, most of us would rather just do or say nothing rather than risk it. I know I am like that. For example, one of my Webpages has to do with five chapters of a novel I wrote two years ago in memory of a close musician friend who died of an eating disorder because his band was starting to make videos and he thought he was too heavy for the ruthless camera.
But instead of introducing the book that way, I substituted a band that was extremely similar to my favourite one, R.E.M., and so public reaction was, for the most part, quite negative. I have only had the site up for a few days but it has already generated a great deal of unwanted controversy.
And worst of all, I feel very rejected and trodden upon.
Most people would simply alter some of the striking similaries quietly and go about their business. But I had to play the part of the maligned diva and throw a bit of a fit over the negative publicity. Now, if I want to be a successful writer, and I most assuredly do, I am going to have to get used to a great deal of rejection.
The whole world isn't going to fall head-over-heels in love with my upcoming book on Borderline Personality Disorder. Some critics will likely find it whiny, depressing and needlessly gruesome in parts. I have to roll with the punches and realize that this comes with the writing territory.
How do you feel about rejection? Do you find it hard when someone criticizes your hair, clothes, size, what you do for a living or your creative endeavors? Do you find it more difficult than your non-borderline friends to shake off negativity?
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you are not alone. It is an established trait of BPD that we don't take well to criticism, particularly if it is harsh. We get defensive and hurt, and may even resort to slashing or burning to quell the emotional pain of being dissed by either your families, friends or,if you are a writer, artist, musician or actor, your audience and those Siskel/Ebert-type critics who waste no time getting to the jugular, so to speak.
So what can we do to avoid the pitfalls of succumbing poorly to criticism or out-and-out rejection? Well, I'm no therapist, but I have learned that the sooner I get over the bad feelings it all causes, the better, not only for myself but for anyone who comes into contact with me. The trick is in not letting feelings of rejection fester like an infected sore so that they literally eat away at your spirit.
Fight back and say that you are better than what the nay-sayers are claiming. After all, we aren't going to get the whole world to fall in love with us or what we do or say. That is an inescapable reality that I learned over for the umpteenth time today when I read some very nasty e-mail. So they hated my chapters? I did alter them somewhat because, in all honesty, the characters were a bit too familiar and well-known and what I was apparently doing was almost libelous, but I am not taking the site off the Web. I think of who I wrote it for, my dear friend who died of anorexia several years ago. That site is for him, not my critics.
Just try not to let things get to you so that you are either emotionally paralyzed or self-destructive. Easy words to say but not so easily implemented. To be honest, I nearly cut myself today, but stopped when I realized that it wasn't going to solve anything in the long run.
Life can be a bitch. Accept it, hold your head high, and forget about those who rebuke you. They aren't worth the aggravation, believe me.
Please all stay safe tonight.