Click here to learn about Arkansas.
You also get an odd little essay I wrote about the passing of MST3K. Which you'll find directly below this sentence, with no division of any kind. I hope you can handle it.
My earliest memory of the cultural supernova that is Mystery Science Theater 3000 is from paging through copies of Omni while in high school. Yes, those were heady days. The article that caught my eye asked a number of celebrities or otherwise well known figures what they would do in case of actual contact with members of an alien species. Tom Servo, already somewhat of a scholar in things alien, advised our two species to touch butts.
Without knowing exactly who Tom Servo is, that joke might seem purile and childish at best. Well the joke's on you, buddy! Tommy S. is never childish! But he is purile. And therein lays the beauty of it all.
Mystery Science Theater, or MST3K as it's known to those of us "in the know" is perhaps the finest example of new wave post-modern humanistic comedy ever to grace the sometimes painfully bland face of television. Which is to say, it appealed to self-proclaimed intellectuals who like to make fun of the pop culture they are so blindly addicted to.
However, at the time I was like many of you, still unaware of what exactly I was missing. And perhaps it was for the best too, for I didn't have a fraction of the useless trivia bouncing around in my brain then that I do now. And a comprehensive knowledge of human civilization can only add to your appreciation of MST3K. It's that kind of show.
My first introduction to actual live MST3K goodness came while watching a local channel whose broadcast quality could best be described as intermitent. But every Sunday night, at 10:00 PM, they showed the Mystery Science Theater Hour, which was essentially several episodes of the show chopped in two for syndication. I immediately fell in love. The first episode was, luckily enough, Pod People. Truly, there is no better way to appreciate this show than by watching Trumpy "make magic."
I realize that reference is lost on some of you, but I'm hoping that the sharing will make us stronger. At any rate, I seem to be veering dangerously off course here. Back to my thesis statement: Why oh why did the Sci-Fi Channel allow this one to get away? Or, if you're feeling less generous, what substance sits between the ears of SFC executives that causes them to act out in such bizarre ways as showing Sightings everyday at 11:00, and cancelling the greatest show ever in the entire history of television? You would have thought that the gene pool would have long ago screened out such behavior. "Hmm, Zog wonder; should Zog pick pretty flower for girl or stick head in tiger mouth? Ooh, pretty teeth." Alas, fate was not so kind, and Zog's descendants went on to invent war, tooth decay, and UPN.
I'm sure someone somewhere thought that replacing MST3K with, say, Farscape or...that other show. You know, the one that uses the term "dissect my brain" twice in thirty seconds. I'd like to meet this person and do something mean. Perhaps shoot them into outer space with only episodes of Sliders to watch. Without the benefit of Keri Wuhrer, even. Extreme, I know.
And before anyone suggests it, yes, I know that not everything the channel does is a mistake. They show Brazil, for instance. And Cube. Though I'm sure the latter had more to do with a certain actress who suddenly found fame with the SFC's core demographic.
In the end, all I can really do is hang my head low and big a fond farewell to those intrepid movie-watchers who made the purchase of a satellite worthwhile. So to Mike, Crow, Tom, Gypsy, Cambot, Joel, Pearl, Bobo, Brain Guy, TV's Frank, Magic Voice, and all the Brains; Thank you. And Tom, touching butts is a really good idea. Honest.