Useless Ideas 1-28
Useless Idea #1: Two Words: Disco Minbari!
Travelling back to the past aboard Babylon 4, Sinclair makes a brief stop-over at late-1970's Earth. As a result, he brings the far-out dance moves and oh-so-funky fashion sense of the disco era to the ancient Minbari. This new weapon so terrifies the Shadows, they flee the battlefield for a thousand years.
UI #2: Babylon 5--In Mime!
An unusual energy wave passes through the station, paralyzing the vocal cords of everyone on board. With communications reduced to a state of pantomime, wacky hi-jinks ensue. (Vir, however, feels completely at home, since no one's ever had the sense to listen to him, anyway.)
Amidst the chaos, Ivanova arrives with her new ship for a little R&R. She endures about five minutes of charades before she starts breaking people's noses.
In the end, we learn the energy wave originated from the Great Machine on Epsilon Three. That Draal...what a kook!
UI #3: A Visitor from the Past
Jack the Ripper returns to the station, and this time he's brought a friend--a fellow Vorlon abductee. Security Chief Zack Allen detains these two visitors. Upon seeing Zack, Jack's companion--a lanky man in jeans and jean-jacket, named Jim--swears that he knows Zack, but keeps calling him "Bobby".
When Lyta attempts a telepathic scan of this "Reverend" Jim person, she becomes so lost she keels over in a drugged stupor.
Garibaldi, witnessing this, realizes he's just found the perfect weapon to use against Bester...
UI #4: The Return of Marcus
Marcus Cole is back--and he's pissed. He sacrificed his life to save Ivanova, but as his ghost now wanders the halls of Babylon 5, he realizes his lady-love is no longer on the station; that indeed, she's no longer even on the SHOW. He'd sacrificed his own future episode appearances, AND a major role in a potential spin-off series, for naught!
"Well," he thinks, "if I can't enjoy the show's success..."
A well-placed "accident" in the life-support system sets things in motion. And as he watches Sheridan, Delenn and all the rest writhing on the floor, gasping out their last breaths, the ghostly Marcus Cole throws back his head and laughs...
UI #5: The Would-be Conquerors
One million years in the future, the last human on Earth finishes downloading the sum of human knowledge into his computer, and sends it off to his people's new home. Shortly thereafter he follows suit, leaving his homeworld for the last time.
As his ship leaves orbit and heads for the jumpgate, a time machine appears on the surface of Earth. From it emerge two tiny lab mice.
"YES!" the smaller one exclaims. "We've done it, Pinky! With humanity gone at last, the world is ours for the taking!"
"Egad, Brain!" the taller one says, pointing upward. "What's that bright flash in the sky?"
Brain looks upward, and his face falls. "Oh, dear..."
UI#6: The Imposter
John Sheridan died on Z'ha'dum--and STAYED dead. Mr. I'm-the wisest-of-the-wise Lorien bungled the resurrection, and had to scramble to find a replacement. The so-called "John Sheridan" that returned with Lorien to Babylon 5 was none other than...wait for it...Lt. Keffer!
Captured by the Shadows after his ship was destroyed (don't ask me how; let's not get bogged down with logic, here) he'd been held prisoner on Z'ha'dum. Lorien rescued him and genetically altered him to match Sheridan (implanting a self-destruct that would kick in in twenty years, thus destroying the evidence of his ineptitude).
Keffer embraced the role wholeheartedly. Now, at last, his secret passion for Delenn was rewarded, his dreams of power fulfilled! Now *he* would be the one to make the great speeches.
His reign as Alliance president is marked by terror. The Centauri Republic is crushed under his heel, for the heinous crime of "bad hair". His marriage to Delenn crumbles after six months, when he becomes obsessed with finding a mysterious "phantom" in hyperspace (like any woman's stupid enough to buy *that* excuse).
The next nineteen-and-a-half years of alimony payments completely break Keffer, and he slinks away, a lowly supporting character once again...
UI #7: Yesterday's Babylon
A temporal rift opens near the station, and from it emerges Babylon 1. In an instant, history is altered. Lt. Keffer is now alive--and serving as commander of Babylon 5. His wife, Talia Winters, is the head of a kinder, gentler Psi Corps (with co-leader Lyta). Delenn, leader of the warrior caste, is the most feared presence in the galaxy. Ivanova, Marcus, and G'kar have gone into business together, opening a spoo diner on the Zocalo. Lennier is hooked into the Great Machine, which is tended by ten identical "Sheridans" (each one pronounced differently). Garibaldi's the head of Warner Brothers' holographic animation department, and Franklin...brr! Don't ask!
Only Vir Cotto (son of Londo) realizes that things are not as they should be. When he attempts to convince Captain Keffer of this, he's pushed out an airlock.
The situation is resolved with the arrival of a Vor-Shad ship. The product of interbreeding between the Vorlons and Shadows, the Vor-Shad's perkiness and really positive outlook on life so annoy Babylon 1's commander, he turns around and heads back into the time rift, which closes behind him.
History is restored to its proper path. The only after-effects seem to be a few minor headaches here and there.
Then Babylon 2 shows up...
UI #8: The Pointless Cameo Appearance
Z'ha'dum explodes in a fiery cataclysm. Drifting through space nearby is a small, mirror-like object. The shockwave of the explosion shatters the mirror, releasing three villains from a long-dead world. Of course, seconds later the explosion itself completely incinerates these three villains, so not much comes of THAT...
UI #9: The Dancing Doctor
Everyone thinks Dr. Franklin's completely lost his mind when he insists on being referred to by his full title: Dr. Stephen Franklin, Lord of the Dance. And he's not alone--one by one, the entire medical staff succumbs to an insatiable urge for Celtic dancing.
It turns out that on one of his visits to the station, Bester implanted a subconscious suggestion in the medical crew, a suggestion which is only now taking effect.
Casualties on the station begin to rise as, whenever a new patient is brought to Medlab, the doctors do nothing but prance in circles around the bed.
Everyone's completely baffled by this behavior--except Lennier, who joins in with the doctors enthusiastically. He hasn't been tampered with in any way; it just turns out he's a huge Celtic dancing fan himself (who knew?). And the body count rises...
Forget that whole Garibaldi/implanted personality thing. This was Bester's REAL ace in the hole...
UI #10: The Unexpected Ally
It's the middle of the Shadow War. Our heroes are gathered in the war room, plotting new strategies against their foe. Suddenly they hear a strange, rhythmic whirring noise. Moments later, into the war room strolls a curly-haired man in a longcoat and scarf.
"I say," he exclaims, looking around. "What a delightful command center. Who are you fighting?"
"The Shadows," G'kar says. "The ancient evil that ravaged my--"
"Stow it, G'kar," Ivanova snaps. "We've heard it all before."
"The Shadows, eh?" the stranger muses. "Nasty creatures. Took me forever to defeat them the last time."
"I...believe you're mistaken," Lennier says politely. "It was Valen who led the Army of Light against the Shadows."
"Valen?" the stranger frowns. "Valen...Valen...Ah! Yes. Splendid chap. A bit stolid for my tastes, though."
Ivanova speaks again. "Do you seriously expect us to believe it was you who defeated the Shadows?"
"My dear, no problem of any consequence *ever* gets solved without my help."
"And just who the hell are you?" she retorts.
"I'm the Doctor."
"Doctor who?" Delenn asks.
He flashes a toothy grin. "Exactly. Now, here's what we'll do..."
UI #10.5: Kosh vs. The Doctor (technically not a Useless Idea on its own merits, more of an add-on to #10)
Kosh: "Who are you?"
Doctor: "Exactly!"
K: "Who are you?"
D: "Indeed!"
K: "Who are you?"
D: "Right again!"
K: "Who are you?"
D: "Have we met?"
K: "Who--ah, screw it!"
UI #11: Sex, Eyes and Videotape
On the night of Sheridan and Delenn's wedding, G'kar leaves his artificial eye on their bedside table. Little does anyone know, however, that he's had a few modifications made to it: the eye can now record what it sees.
Londo wheedles this information out of G'kar, and devises a scheme. Soon, video-chips of Sheridan and Delenn's "get-together" are selling like hotcakes on the black market.
Ever after, whenever Sheridan goes he's greeted by secretive smiles and the phrase "woo hoo". He never does figure it out...
UI #12: Ivanova Returns--Sort Of
Ivanova tires of her new assignment in Earthforce, and is reassigned to Babylon 5. En route to the station in a White Star, the Drakh attack. The ship is damaged, Ivanova is critically injured (again!). As the ship's self-repair systems kick in, Ivanova is accidently absorbed into the ship itself.
When they reach the station, Franklin successfully frees Ivanova, but she's become a hybrid of human and technology. Her bust swelled to tremendous proportions, she stalks about the station in a skin-tight suit and high heels.
Crew efficiency drops as, wherever Ivanova goes, every male crew member drops what he's doing to follow her, tongue wagging. But Ivanova's heart belongs to only one man--that lucky dog Vir (you know how those Centauri are--wink, wink, nudge, nudge).
Ivanova's admirers, however, are not deterred. Traffic around the station becomes horribly clogged, as seemingly every White Star in the fleet just happens to be "in the neighborhood".
The Drakh take advantage of this distraction, and completely crush the Alliance in one swift stroke.
But hey, think of the ratings!
UI#13: The Big Announcement, the Big Mystery
The revelation of Delenn's pregnancy causes celebration thoughout the Alliance. Gradually, though, things settle down. Life resumes its normal course.
A few months later, one of the frozen telepaths disappears from the cryo-lab. A station-wide search turns up no evidence. A week later, another one goes missing. The next week another is gone.
Security Chief Zack Allen sets up a stakeout. Hiding in the darkened cryo-lab late one night, his patience is finally rewarded when the door opens and a shadowy figure enters. The figure opens one of the cryo-lockers, Zack calls up the lights...and blinks in surprise. "Captain?"
Sheridan's eyes go wide. "Zack!"
"Captain, what are you doing here?"
Sheridan hesitates, then finally breaks down. "It's...it's Delenn. Pregnant Minbari get the strangest food cravings..."
UI #14: Toy Story
G'kar's in a fix. He wants to get the perfect gift for Sheridan and Delenn's baby, but can't find anything that seems right. Then, during a trip down to Epsilon Three and the Great Machine, he becomes inspired, and designs his own toy.
He's pleased as punch by the results. Delenn loves it. Sheridan loves it. *Everybody* loves it.
Soon, this fuzzy little toy--Tickle Me Zathras--is the hottest thing in the sector. The revenue it generates completely revitalizes Narn, turning it into an economic powerhouse.
Of course, a few months later the toy's dominance is challenged by Lennier's new creation: the Beanie 'baris!
UI #15: The Reunion
It's a momentous occasion: the first visit to the Vorlon homeworld since the First Ones departed the galaxy. Flying to the planet aboard a White Star are Sheridan and the rest of the Alliance Council. Bester is also there, representing Earth, and hoping to find a cure for his stricken lover.
They park the White Star in orbit around the planet. Then, leaving the nameless extras behind, the *important* people head down to the surface in a shuttle. The world they find is not what they expected--desolate, dry, barren. They wander the surface until they stumble upon something unusual.
There, amidst the rock-strewn wasteland, is an irregular stone ring, tipped up on its edge. Bester noticeably pales at the sight of it.
"What in the name of the Great Maker is that?" Londo asks.
"I AM THE GUARDIAN OF FOREVER," a voice booms from the ring. "I EXIST IN ALL TIMES, IN ALL DIMENSIONS."
Suddenly, from the center of the ring leap two men, where only empty air had been before. One of them is tall, with pointy ears, clad in a blue shirt. The other's a bit pudgy, in a lime green shirt and gold sash. They look around quizzically, then the pudgy one's eyes fall on Bester.
"Chekov?" he asks.
"Kill them," Bester says.
"Bester," Sheridan replies, annoyed. "We're not just going to--"
"Kill them now! They're a threat to your precious Alliance, and must be destroyed."
"Chekov," the pudgy one continues, "where have you been? We've--"
Bester completely snaps. "I'm not going back!" he screams, whipping out his gun. "Fire your own damn photon torpedoes, you FAT BASTARD!"
He begins pumping ppg blasts into the pudgy man. The pointy-eared man's eyes go wide and he ducks inside the ring without a word, vanishing from view.
Cackling like a loon, Bester continues firing into the pudgy man's already-dead body, again and again and again...
UI #16: Some Things Never Change...
Londo's sitting in a bar aboard Babylon 5, trying desperately to ignore the man sitting across from him. Theis dark-haired man is clad in a motley uniform, only vaguely resembling a Ranger's.
"And that thing with Z'ha'dum?" the man says. "That whole sacrifice-the-White-Star-to-destroy-the-Shadows'-biggest-city idea?" He taps himself on the chest. "Mine. Sheridan wasn't even going to go, until I talked him into it."
"Is that so?"
"It is. And the battle to liberate Earth? There it was, the last defense platform, ready to wipe the eastern seaboard off the face of the planet. Sheridan's weapons are out, so he's got no choice but to go to ramming speed and sacrifice himself, right? So what do I do?"
"I can't imagine."
"I'll tell you what I do. I go screaming in there in my Starfury and blast that platform to atoms, that's what I do. Saving the day. Rescuing the One. I--"
Just then, Vir arrives. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but you've got a Council meeting in a few minutes, Londo."
Londo leaps to his feet. "It was a pleasure meeting you," he says to the man, and hurries off, Vir at his side.
"Who was that?" Vir asks.
Londo rolls his eyes. "Some fool named Joxer..."
UI #17: The Secret Weapon
The Drakh, like the Shadows before them, have agents seeded throughout the various races. One of them, a human, waylays Londo on the Zocalo.
"Ambassador, a moment of your time, please. I was wondering if you'd like to sample a new product of mine."
"Well, I--"
The man bustles Londo into his shop anyway. "It must by quite a task, taking care of hair like that."
"Now that you mention it..."
"My new product can help you greatly with that. Here, we'll put your old shampoo on the left side of your hair, and we'll do the right with my product." And he does just that. "Well?"
Londo waves his hand over the left side. "I don't feel anything here at all." He waves a hand over the right. "But on this side I can feel a tingling. Does the tingling mean it's working?"
The man smiles. "No...the tingling means it's EATING INTO YOUR FLESH! DIE CENTAURI PIG!"
And Londo dissolves into a puddle of goo...
UI #18: The Intruder
After a hard day's work, Sheridan returns to his quarters. Inside he finds a dark-haired stranger waiting for him.
"Are you John Sheridan?" the man asks.
"I am."
"Is it true that you died on Z'ha'dum, and somehow came back to life?"
"It is. Listen, who--"
"Then prepare to die the final death!" the man whips out a katana. "I am Duncan Macleod of the clan Macleod! There can be only one!"
SHWACK!
As Sheridan's headless body slumps to the floor, Macleod braces himself for the cool lightning bolts and explosion, but nothing happens.
He nudges the body with his boot. "Oh. Well. Whoops!"
He slips out of the room, muttering to himself, "Amanda's never going to let me live this one down..."
UI#19: The Final Strike
The war with the Drakh has escalated. Sheridan has discovered the location of the Drakh's supply depot, learned how to infiltrate it. He decides to utilize a variation of the plan that worked so well for him during the battle to liberate Earth.
Franklin at first oposes the plan. It's too horrible, he thinks, even to inflict on the Drakh. But eventually he sees the need for it.
Dozens of containers are seeded into the Drakh supplies, and delivered--one per ship--to their fleet. Sheridan then confronts the amassed Drakh forces. His face is grim but determined as he gives the order: "Release the Barneys."
On every Drakh ship, the seeded containers hiss open, and cloned purple dinosaurs come bouncing out. Skipping through the corridors on big floppy feet, singing and hugging every Drakh in sight, their effects are devastating.
From the bridge of his ship, Sheridan watches as, within minutes, the Drakh weapons fall silent and the ships become dead in space. Over the com-channels, he can hear nothing but the sounds of horrified screaming...
UI #20: The Scooby-Doo Ending
Lorien adn the other First Ones depart the galaxy, leaving it in the care of the younger races. Once they're beyond the Rim, away from prying eyes, Lorien reaches up and pulls off his mask to reveal...Q!
"Do you think they bought it?" he asks.
The other First Ones shimmer and re-form into other members of the Continuum. They nod.
"Great!" Q grins. "Now let's go back and have some *real* fun with them! I LOVE this dimension..."
UI #21: Kosh's Head
Delenn gathers up the Alliance command staff and hurries them into Sheridan's office. There they find Sheridan staring intently at the battered helmet of the late Kosh.
"What was that, Kosh?" Sheridan asks. He cocks an ear, as if listening, then laughs.
"He's been like this for days," Delenn says. "And it's getting worse."
"I've seen this sort of thing before," Londo says. He shakes his head. "Not a good sign."
"I knew it! I KNEW IT!" Garibaldi shouts, jumping up and down and pointing. "I knew he'd go mad with power! But did anyone listen? Noooooo..."
Vir, inexplicably, leans forward and waggles his fingers at the severed head in a little wave.
"What was that?" Sheridan says to the helmet. "They did what to Kenny? Those bastards!"
G'kar is suitably grim. "If word of this gets out, the Alliance will completely crumble..."
Only a few feet away, in a secret room hidden behind one of the office walls, two figures hunch over a console. They're operating the telepathic projector hidden inside the helmet, using its mind-eroding power on Sheridan.
As he works the controls, Marcus looks over at Ivanova and grins. "I think we're going to have a lot of fun this season, don't you?"
UI #22: The Widow
Franklin is surprised to discover that his "marriage" to Marcus--their cover for slipping past the Mars blockade--is legal, and that he's now a widow. As such, he's inherited all of Marcus's worldy goods. As he sorts through Marcus's quarters, he's surprised at some of the things he finds: the most pristine Tickle Me Elmo doll in existence (it only has a *few* bullet holes in it): a well-worn copy of the Junior Woodchucks Guidebook; and, most intriguing of all, a small black box with a red button on it. Above the button is a sign that reads: "In case of death or departure of major supporting characters, press here."
Franklin takes the device with him, studies it as he dines in the Zocalo. When he works up the nerve to press the button, a ray of light shoots out, and standing there before him is...Kosh!
"Who are you?" Kosh asks.
"Dr. Franklin."
"Right on." And Kosh wanders away.
Another press of the button, another ray of light, and there stands...Talia Winters. "Hey, Stephen. You seen Ivanova around?"
Another press conjures up an unfamiliar blonde woman.
"Who are you?" Franklin asks.
"Tasha Yar."
Just then, Vir happens by and stumbles, spilling his drink on the device. Instantly, it flies out of control, shooting rays out in every direction. More and more people suddenly appear before Franklin.
Lt. Keffer! Ivanova! Ensign Ro! Kes! Adam Cartwright from "Bonanza"! The "missing" older Cunningham brother from "Happy Days"! The original Jimmy Olsen from "Lois & Clark"! Mr. and Mrs. Roper from "Three's Company"!
Dozens of them appear, with more every second.
Sheridan declares a state of emergency and evacuates the station of everyone who's supposed to be there. Before leaving, he sets a bomb to rid himself of this problem. When everyone's a safe distance away, Sheridan sends the command to detonate the bomb.
At the same time, on the Zocalo, the revival device flares a final time and there stands, at long last, Marcus Cole. "Hey, everybody, I'm ba--"
KA-BOOM!
UI #23: Garibaldi's Revenge
Bester still hasn't recovered from his disastrous encounter on the Vorlon homeworld (UI# 15). He's been returned to Babylon 5, where Franklin attempts to heal his fractured psyche through hypno-therapy.
"What is your name?" Franklin asks, when Bester's finally gone under.
"Pavel Chekov. Of the Federation wessel Enterprise."
"'Wessel'?" Garibaldi asks. "Did he just say 'wessel'?"
"And did you enjoy your time aboard the Enterprise, Mr. Chekov?"
"Not wery much."
"'Wery'?" Garibaldi says.
"Mr. Chekov, how did you get--"
"Hold on a sec, doc," Garibaldi says. "I've got something I want to try." He leans in face-to-face with Bester. "All right, Mr. 'Chekov'. I want you to repeat after me: Victoria veered her vessel violently, to avoid the very volatile Vorlons."
"Wictoria weered..."
A few minutes later Delenn wanders in, to find Garibaldi grinning from ear to ear, and Bester ripping his hair out. "Why's Bester screaming like that?"
UI #24: The Takeover
Sheridan, Delenn and everyone else have succeeded in liberating Earth and forging a new Interstellar Alliance. Things are looking bright. But when they all return to the station, things take a turn for the worse.
As they exit their ships in the docking bays, they're greeted by hordes of armed and fierce-looking Zathrases (Zathrii?). Our heroes are quickly overpowered adn disarmed.
"What's the meaning of this?" Sheridan demands.
One Zathras speaks up. "Zathras is now being in command of this station, human. Zathras tired of being second-string character. Zathras told you he know more of Great Machine than even Draal, but you did not take the warning. Zathras used Machine's hidden cloning facilities, made an army of himself and made his move while you were gone."
"Zathras, I'm really not in the mood for--"
"QUIET!" Zathras slaps Sheridan. "Zathras not liking your attitude. Corwin, be taking these people to their cells."
Corwin appears, and Sheridan's shocked. "You're with these people, Corwin?"
"Why not?" Corwin shrugs. "You people went out and had all your cool little outer space adventures, but what did Corwin get? He got the shaft! No one paid any attention to *him*. No big story arc for Corwin!" He slaps Sheridan, too.
"You'll never succeed," Sheridan says. "Ivanova's still out there. She'll come back and--" He stops as Garibaldi whispers something to him, and his face falls. "Claudia did WHAT? Oh, God, we're doomed..."
UI #25: Vorlon Amuck
Sheridan narrowly avoids death from a Centauri terrorist's bomb, by jumping out of the rail-car high above the station's gardens. As he plummets toward the ground, Delenn pleads with Kosh to rescue him. Kosh sheds his encounter suit and floats upward.
Everyone sees Kosh differently. Garibaldi falls to his knees in worship, as he sees the image of Daffy Duck rising through the air.
Before Daffy reaches Sheridan the tip of a gigantic paintbrush appears out of nowhere. It draws a huge anvil in mid-air, tying it to Daffy's leg. Daffy/Kosh drops like a rock. Moments later, Sheridan splatters to the ground beside him.
Delenn cradles Sheridan in her arms and cries, "Who's responsible for this?"
The camera pulls waaaay back, to show Zathras at a drawing board. He laughs. "Yes, this is being much more fun than talking to dirt!"
UI #26: Hyper-Speed
Ivanova's onboard a White Star, racing through hyperspace toward a battle. Suddenly, they begin receiving a transmission, and Bester's image appears before them. He looks at Ivanova.
"Pop quiz, hotshot. There's a bomb on a White Star. If the ship drops out of hyperspace, the bomb goes off. What do you do? What do you do?"
Ivanova ponders it. "Well...how about--disarm the bomb, using some previously unmentioned scientific theory/equipment/substance that was invented specifically for this episode and will never be seen or mentioned on the show again?"
Bester's eyes widen. "Wow. Good guess."
"And then," Ivanova continues, "after I'm done with the bomb, I'm coming after you. For I am the right hand of vengeance! I am death! I am--"
"Starting to sound even worse than Kirk," Bester interrupts. "Say buh-bye, Susan!"
He pushes a button and the White Star explodes...
UI #27: The Substitute
After the explosion of the White Star on Z'ha'dum, and the injuries Morden suffers because of it, the Shadows have to emply a temporary liason to the other races. When the man arrives on Babylon 5, the first person he encounters is Garibaldi.
"What do you want?" the man asks. "I mean, what do you *really* want?"
"Well..." Garibaldi runs a hand over his balding head.
"Ah." The man smiles and nods sagely. "I've got just the thing for you." He reaches into a bag, pulls out a small aerosol can and hands it to Garibaldi.
Garibaldi looks the can over. "This looks like spray-paint."
"Yes, but if you spray that on your head, it'll look just like hair!"
"I see. And how much will this cost me, Mr...."
"Popeil. And that's the best part! You can have this amazing product for only four easy payments of $19.95! Of course, you'll also have to tether your soul to the forces of evil for all eternity, but that's not important right now. What *is* important is the *value* you're getting here."
"Thanks, but no thanks." Garibaldi hands him the can and starts to walk away.
"Hold on, hold on," Popeil says. "How about this, then?" He pulls out another device. "An electric pasta maker. No? All right, then, what about this cheese grater? It's a twenty dollar value! No? Then this one, definitely--the Pocket Fisherman! Hey, wait, come back!"
As he watches Garibaldi walk away, Popeil mutters, "Maybe I should have blow-torched a car..."
UI #28: Kosh's Legacy
The surviving fragment of the original Kosh, combined with energy from Lorien and Sheridan, fights the evil Kosh, their battle carrying them away from the station. Evil Kosh is destroyed, and the energy released with his death opens a temporal/dimensional rift.
The tiny bit of Kosh #1 is sucked through this rift into another universe. Weakened, dying, he latches onto and melds with the first creature he encounters--a tiny, fuzzy creature called a tribble. This creature is then pulled back through the dimensional rift--but a time-shift has occured, and the tribble appears in the B5 universe hundreds of years in the past.
The tribble, being what it is, begins to reproduce at a phenomenal rate. The fragment of Kosh's Vorlon life-force is dispersed among the offspring, hyper-evolving each new generation above the one before.
Hundreds of years later, some of Kosh's descendants settle on Epsilon Three, to tend the Great Machine. But Zathras and his kin have lost all knowledge of their own exalted origins...
The Rabid Bantha Bar and Grille
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