Anyway lots of cops surround a warehouse and bust in. It's dark and the only lights are that of the SWAT unit’s cool flashlights on the guns thing. The SWAT unit storm the place and hear Mulder moaning . They open a box and there is Mulder and he starts screaming "they're here!" The cops find The Lone Gunmen and oh yeah and Mulder is still screaming inanities while stark naked and shaking.....
Cue Music -
'The Hippy Hippy Shake'
written by Chan Romero 1959
sung by The Beatles 1964
Anyway we get a re-cap on why The LoneGunmen are in the joint. Seems they tried to stuff a naked Mulder in a box! And last time I checked the FBI handbook it said in rule number 1013 paragraph 1121 "It is a federal offense to stuff FBI agents in a box." They are in trouble now. Oh wait yeah there is a bit more on why Mulder is in a box so lets see what Byers has to say on his behalf. I hope Lt. Munch grills him on this, man the way Byers is spewing stuff you'd think he was on Geraldo or something.... Stuff like his real name is John F. Kennedy Byres and crud who'd in their right mind would name a kid that? Anyway we get a narration with flashbacks as Byers recounts his story.
BYERS: I was doing good public works for the government at the local geek umm computer convention where I was proudly doing my humble service as a naive FCC grunt worker. And then I saw her. The most beautiful woman to grace the convention hall. She was gorgeous. I offered her a button but she blew me off. So I followed her......
The hot chick makes Byers hide as she tells him her ex is out there. Byers looks it’s Mulder. With side burns HAHAHAHAHA! Frohike calls Mulder a punk ass... and Byers narration continues. Melvin LOL sorry. Byers continues and tells how they got Frohike to help. Frohike thinks they should just kick Mulder’s ass. As it turns out they just follow Mulder instead. Look at that huge cell phone! HAHAHAHA... Then much to their surprise the cops come and bust the fat guy, the dig dug playing Ken, thinking it was him that stole the highly classified stuff.
Frohike gets Langly to help hack there way through the FBI highly secure computer system. Before lending is skills and services of a hacker Langly makes Frohike say it... And Frohike for the better good of humanity utters... "Your kung fu is better."
They Hack on to the FBI computer, and much to there surprise they find out the chick Holly ain’t Holly and she lied! But Byers wants the truth. They get the scope on Mulder from the FBI files, and they find out about the chick....
SCULLY: So this is how you meet these geeks, and I knew from the beginning of this she was not Holly. She used the name on the sugar for that. Gee Mulder that is a great start to a friendship.
MULDER: Liar, I saw it in your eyes. You thought Susanne was my chick.
SCULLY: Mulder I don't lie..... well often or very good. And Mulder you were still all crush from that dumb Phoebe to be thinking of women back then. I mean come-on check out those side burns....
MULDER: That was the style back then....
SCULLY: Hush I wanna see what the Lone Gunman find out. And I wanna see Lt. Munch he is one hot looking homicide agent. If I was dating an air force pilot I’d consider going out with him....
MULDER: I thought James Brolin was engaged to Yentel.
SCULLY: I’m not dating that old fart! I’m going steady with the hunk of the show that guy that was on Space Above and beyond. Now can you hush so I can find out what The Lone Gunmen found.!!! Susanne is a nut case and dangerous. Now I could see you liking her Mulder. She is a female version of you.
MULDER: She was a nut Scully, harping about conspiracy and stuff, she almost got me killed!
SCULLY: Now you know how I feel every week. With, "Oh Scully look aliens. Oh Scully look a conspiracy lets find the truth" The truth Mr. Mulder is you are nuts! I do all this for you and for what?
MULDER: Um... the truth? A cure for your cancer?
SCULLY: Hey I’m in remission and don’t mention cancer knowing Chris he might conveniently bring it back OK! But back to the point. I follow your sorry ass around, get you out of trouble just like the one you are in with this lady, and for what? Nadda nothing zilch you won’t even allow me to have a desk!
MULDER: That is not my doing that is Skinner.
SCULLY: Sure fine blame it on the bald man. But just look at the trouble you got yourself into with this. If I’d been there then...
MULDER: If you’d been there what? What would have happened.... Besides I was still with the violent crimes divisions and you were still in diapers.
SCULLY: Put a sock in it. I wanna hear if the Lone Gunman get more dirt on you...
Susanne finds some disturbing news and rips her teeth out. Back to the interrogation and Lt. Munch asks...
MUNCH: Where’s the tooth?
BYRES: The tooth is out there. Um... we flushed it....and then broke into the warehouse.
They are in the warehouse and realize the secret plan deals with asthma in hailers! At this point all hell breaks loose. Mulder shows up and then so do some other guys lots of gun fire and like fools they shoot the inhalers. Mulder is exposed to all the gas and the chick flees. Then the biggie happens....
SCULLY: It’s X!
MULDER: Yep, kinda cool how that works out ain’t it.
SCULLY: Why that scum bag! He has been in on the this since since since...
MULDER: Before the beginning.
SCULLY: Yeah! Since then. And to think I cried at his funeral. What’s he doing?
MULDER: Well I don’t remember much of that night Scully...
SCULLY: Oh yeah you are over there in that corner by the boxes in the fetal position shaking everywhere and screaming "They're here!" Oh look you ain’t got no clothes on either. Nice bod Mulder but your hands need work.
MULDER: Hey I got nice hands! And so do you if I might add..
SCULLY: I guess you would be the one to know since it appeared you tried to eat my hand and arm last go around whilst I was sick with THE cancer! Anyway why did X let you leave?
MULDER: Dunno....
SCULLY: I bet it is cause your old man is the CSM and he made people leave ya alone sort of made you who you are day one might say. Oooh, I'm a poet and I didn't even know it!
MULDER: That ain’t true my daddy was Bill Mulder and...
SCULLY: Your daddy worked with these men and we both know your mamma slept around! So don’t go a claiming Bill as your pops. I still say you are the son of the evil jedi...
MULDER: Scully wrong movie... that is Star Wars, this is the x-files big difference.
SCULLY: Not from where I’m sitting bucko!
MULDER: Yeah on the other side of MY desk is where little miss and you’d better stop with the your mamma stuff or I will never let them give you a desk.
SCULLY: Fine! See if I thank you at the next awards or lie for ya again... Oh wait did I just hear right? Did X give them that dumb name?
MULDER: Yeppers, that is where it came from kinda cool huh?
SCULLY: Kinda hooky if you ask me.
Byers still as a crush on the chick and well they try to find her. As it turns out they bump into her on the streets of Vancouver... OOPS sorry Baltimore. They chat about good times, and then Susanne kisses Byers and tells then they ain’t paranoid enough then leaves. Only to be taken by mean looking evil men. As they drive by we see it was X.
The Lone Gunman are hanging out back at was once an awesome computer and electronics convention when Mulder happens on them. They like Mulder but realize he is much to naive and not nearly paranoid enough so they fill him in on the events that transpired the day before.
And thus ends how the Lone Gunman and Mulder happen to be..... Next week it is killer trees that invade the hick riddled woods of Northern FL as Mulder and Scully are stuck in a road block on their way to the magic Kingdom for an FBI convention....
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