Unruhe

10/28/96
Unruhe
'Unruhe' A Review...The Nothingness Review,
by C.Schmidt ®

All standard disclaimers apply I don't own The X-Files or the Scully crew. They belong to CC and all those other people and what I do and write I do because I have nothing else better to do and I am insane... So you can't sue a mental person :-P

Opening Scene -
Two people, a guy and a chick sit in a Volkswagen planing to flee the country, but need a passport. So being the usual run-of-the-mill criminal type... they go to the local 5 and dime store to get one. The lady walks in orders a one slurpy, couple packets of condoms as not to draw attention to herself or the real motive then asks for a passport. The old man takes the pic and rings the order up only just like all people on the run the lady forgot the cash and thinks for a brief moment about using one of those credit cards then thinks nah.... as a person in a yellow rain coat enters. Hey this is Vancouver and it is for ever raining....Anyway he walks past the lady, and the cashier but most importantly the film so he can use is ability to change the pic, why else! Lady walks out to the car for cash finds her boyfriend in the car who just had his last smoke and a date with an ice pick/awl just as the man in the yellow rain coat pricks her and injects the latest new drug craze on the streets 'Twilight Time' in her as we watch her collapse and fall to the ground.....
Old man/cashier in the store waits... gets impatient decides to look at is photography... And it's a really bad pic worse then what you get at the Department for Motor Vehicles........

Cue X-Files Theme -
Skip through the usual pics oooooooooo Scully!!!!!!! Commercial and being that this is the new night quick switch to TNT for a football update... Damn it's Pat 'small hands' Hayden, and the pregrame crap.... flip back to the show and there is just enough time for a fast beer run before the commercial break is over.....

Scully and Mulder are driving to the latest crime scene, in Northern Michigan even though it looks like Vancouver to me.....

MULDER: So what do you think Scully?

SCULLY: Why were we called in on this Mulder?

MULDER: Look at the picture Scully.

SCULLY: I did and it looks worse than my drivers license photo, and I still don't see the point of being dragged up to Michigan for a bad DMV photo. Hey ya think if we wrap this case up fast we'll have time to drop by my Mom's?

MULDER: Well we aren't that far but we'd have to take some backroads I want to get back home early got a date. Hey do ya think your Mom would make that fried chicken livers dish you are always raving about?

SCULLY:Well I think I can talk her into it. Besides the backroads will be no problem in our new Ford Explore that CC has given us.

MULDER: True besides I like Explorer better than the Taurus(sp) even though it is still a Ford the Explorer makes me feel like Tim Allen .... More power!

SCULLY: Well I think we got the new wheels because the Saturn/Taurus type is the out thing in Hollywood and Broncos/Explores are the in thing. That and I like this I feel so tall sitting in this Explore and can for a change look down at people. Oh there is the 5 and dime good thing to I need to use the little ladies room, and I'm dying for a cherry slrupy and I need some film for my camera too. Do ya think you could pick those up for me while I use the restroom Mulder? Darn I'd give you my credit card but someone stole it from my mail box.

MULDER: No problem, I just got my new Discover card and I will get points back and there is this new book, 'The Book of the Unexplained' I have my eyes on.

Scully and Mulder tool around in the store for a bit... read the new mags on the rack sift through the candy aisle. Mulder questions the cashier while Scully slurps her slurpy, and checks the *born on* date of the film and contemplates should I bra strap adjust or not.... not CC wasn't pleased in previous eps about that, better hold off besides he promised a big huge scene in the finale for that! Standard stand in local cop comes in and takes the dynamic duo to the house of the missing woman and her live-in partner in crime boyfriend.

LOCAL GENERIC COP:Sorry to drag you two all the way up here to the outskirts of Grand Rapids Michigan for nothing. It appears the missing woman probably did the boyfriend in and fled. See what we found.... they were into credit card theft.

SCULLY: Hey! That's my new Visa card I never got! Damn see it's people like this that drive the interest rates up for credit cards. These people should be given frontal lobotomies! Mulder I think we are done here lets go see Mom and maybe we might even have enough time to catch my brother Aaron's soccer game this evening.

MULDER: Not so fast, Scully as much as I'm dying for those fried chicken livers, I want you to come look at this.

SCULLY: What? Oh, don't tell me you found more bad photography!

MULDER: Yes Scully and I believe the kidnapper or killer has the ability to impose pictures of the crime scene on film. And he knows it! I bet he is having bad nightmares, was probably a bed wetter as a child, has a hankering for coke as opposed to Pepsi, prefers the old fat Elvis, and is a lefty.

SCULLY: Now how the hell can you tell all that from that pic! Mulder I think you have been watching way to much of CC's new show Millennium.

MULDER: Well yes I watched a little of it. But Scully look I think this guy was standing right here stalking her and.....

SCULLY: Yeah yeah, I know I read the script! I still say you have been watching to much Millennium.

MULDER: Well to be quite honest here Scully.... I only saw the first few minutes of Millennium, but it was too depressing nothing like our show it will never be as big a hit as the x-files! But I did try and bone up on the facts of the show but for some reason I couldn't find any web-pages run by fans on the net! Only the official Fox run one and that one bites!

SCULLY: Well that is because FOX had them all shut down Mulder! Now come on I'm hungry and Mom's is only about 15 minutes from here.

Several scenes, woman getting frontal lobotomies and joy rides in the new Ford Explorer later, we find Scully on a construction site having a friendly chat the local brain surgeon/construction worker on stilts.

SCULLY: Sir, FBI.....Can I ask you a few questions sir?

MR. INSANE PERSON: Surely, how can I help you there little lady? I hope this has nothing to do with illegal workers or the possible copyrights violations of my x-files web-page.. I promise after my shift is over to go and remove all nudes I have of Gillian Anderson from my site.

SCULLY: First don't call me Shirly! It's Ms FBI Agent! and I have never posed for nudes! Those are fakes! And they better be removed or I will have my lawyers hound you and those shiftily little eyes of yours to hell and back and really give you reasons to have those night mares my partners thinks you are having! Oh, btw Unruhe....

Insane guy freaks and runs..... Scully whips out the *big* gun and proceeds to hunt him down!

SCULLY: Stop or my mama will shoot.... oops wrong line wrong movie! Freeze! And remember the script calls for my *big* gun! That means you are dead meat bucko!

Scully drags the Mr. Insane person to the police station were he is questioned and getting ready to be book but due to the incompetence of the local law enforcement stand in the insane person escapes and he has the hots for Scully and stalks her. He waits patiently under the new Explore like any good insane killer/stalker would for his victim to appear and promptly pricks her with the 'Twilight time' drug in the foot! See this wouldn't have happened if CC would let Scully wear combat boots like in the kitty cat ep.... but no! Scully must wear those 13'inch heals for sound purposes when not standing on the Gillian box..... So our heroin(sp)lays spread out on the road and just so none of those nit-picking fans that are probably staring at Ms. Anderson's cleavage can see a bra-strap adjustment scene or a racy back laced bra exposed the wardrobe department forces Scully to were one of the old power suits from season one.... that yucky green/tannish one eeewwww with the big buttons on the front.

Mulder using his vast deductive reasoning skills that are called for in the script figures out exactly where Scully is after he gets a hold of Scully's bad DMV photo that helps reveal the 6 thing's in to the photo that are clues but really tombstones that some how leads him to a Winnobago/trailer.....Thank God at least there were no bees! Meanwhile Scully is in a dentist's chair brushing up on her German....

SCULLY: Do you speakens se Dutch?

MR. INSANE PERSON: Yes! But English will work for now besides when I'm done with you all that knowledge in that little red-headed noggin of yours will be gone wiped clean with this nice little awl(sp).... Just like what Joe Kennedy had done to his eldest daughter!

SCULLY: NOOOOOOOOOOOO HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was supposed to attempt to reason with you at least that is what the script calls for so here goes.... Please Mr. Insane person with the shifty eyes.... why do you feel you must do this?? Is because as a child you were a bed wetter?

MR. INSANE PERSON: NO! That has nothing to do with it! Hey! What happened to the make up! The make up person must be slacking I can see that mole on your upper lip and some freckles... looks like you got some sun before we started filming this ep too!

SCULLY: Well during the battle of the wardrobe people and the fight over this really ugly power suit I was forced to wear... BTW it does nothing for my figure and I really prefer the suit I was wearing in the earlier scenes, I can't flaunt my cleavage in this one.... Any ways it took longer than excepted to get the wardrobe straightened out and make up wasn't able to hide the freckles and mole like usual... besides CC won't notice he is do busy with Millennium and it did take longer for the make up people because you were right I did get some sun will I was in Tahiti.... and remember this was supposed to be the second ep but FOX decided to use this ep because it rocks to reel in new viewers so the sun burn is still here....

MR.INSANE PERSON: Yeah that’s right this is the first Sunday night ep and I'm glad the Yankees one or I would be watching that instead of getting ready to put my back room neurological skills to good use...

SCULLY: Please Mr. Insane Person! I would rather have a bottle in front of me then a frontal lobotomy!

Just then Mulder comes crashing through the door and promptly saves the day and the damsel in distress..... How fast we forget though that last week the tables were turned and Mulder was the useless one..... Well after the drive to Mom's and some fried Chicken Livers Scully gives us the Doogie Howser ending again but this scene is taken from Grotesque(sp) and Scully just re-reads Mulder's old lines about killers and getting in their heads before saving the file and surfing the net.... one day I think the ending should go.... And I would have succeeded too if it hadn't been for you dumb kids and that dumb mutt.....

THE END