Cue Opening Theme X-Files Music -
Ooo, David, cool! Ooo better, Gillian! SCULLY!!!!!! Whoo Whoo!!!!! More scenes that we have been watching for the last 4 years. When are they going to give us new opening scenes? Commercials, Join the Navy "Be all you can be," visit our web-site and see how the Navy is not just a job. It's an adventure at http://www.usnavy.com... and more mindless brainwashing by big companies to force us unsuspecting couch potatoes to by their stuff or things we don't need, like get KFC for Santa even though we know damn well all he eats is cookies and asks for the occasional carrot stick for Rudloph. And an add for FOX Sports Home of the XXXXXXXXXXIIIIIIIIMMMMCCCCXXXXX Super Bowl....
BURST: He calls himself Pusher.
SCULLY: That's a nice name. So what happened, and why are you bothering us with this. We have lots of work to do and interviews to grant, on the whole Flukeworm in the sewer thing. The National Inquirer is stopping by later. They want an exclusive, and are still reeling that Mulder told the story to The Globe first.
MULDER: Well you didn't tell me The Inquirer bought the rights Scully! I need a new secretary, you think like we are equal or something and have the same rights I do at killing all the monsters and aliens.
SCULLY: I am not your secretary Mulder! I was hired to keep your butt out of trouble and to always be there to perform autopsies on aliens or any other weird thing you happen to stumble upon. Not keep track of your schedule. That's why CC pays the local population of Vancouver, they are cheap labor and make great extras for the set.
BURST: Will you two stop! I have a major problem here and I came here looking for help. This Pusher man, is bad news. And I wanna get him! Not only would it look really good on me service record but CC might have me re-appear as a guest next season. And I hear the likes of Linch, King and various other writers, directors and stars are going to be working on the show while Chris devotes all is time and energy into that new program FOX wants him to do.... What’s the name of that show?
MULDER: Millennium, and I hate it already! But your right back to the case at hand.
SCULLY: You claim this Pusher was making a pass at the young officer and....
BURST: Yeah and then next thing the new squad car is scrap metal and Pusher is gone.
MULDER: The power of suggestion Scully, we see it all the time. That's what this is.
SCULLY: I'm not buying it Mulder.
MULDER: Ok, then explain to me why you use Clairol instead of Nice'n Easy to dye your hair red?
SCULLY: Because I had a dollar off coupon, not because I was brainwashed with subliminal messages. If that was the case we'd all be wearing Nike's so we could be like Mike, drinking Coke, own Direct TV, and vote Republican.
MULDER: Burst was there anything else at the crime scene.
BURST: Yes, Pusher did take the time to write a clue on the car with the dead officers blood.
SCULLY: NIN RO???? What the F*** is that supposed to mean?
MULDER: No, no Scully.... It's RO NIN, don't you remember anything? This is a deranged mad man and lesson 101 at the academy was "All deranged mad men will leave clues and write them backwards." And it's a Samurai without a master.
SCULLY: HUH?
MULDER: What you never watched Yojimbo?
SCULLY: Um, no! I guess I missed that one, saw "A Fist Full Of Dollars" though, and "Enter Of The Dragon."
At the golf range Pusher awaits and takes practice shoots before having an FBI Agent burn himself, Scully puts out the fire and Mulder gets the Pusher man. They haul his butt in and Pusher bets Mulder 5 bucks he gets off. Well Pusher rigs the jury and brainwashes the judge and goes free. Mulder pays up and makes him look and now becomes a worthy opponent for Pushers amusement.
Mulder is at the shooting range Scully pops in and they discuss the scientific implications of the 'Whammy.' Pusher goes to the FBI headquarters, gets by the security with a 'pass' and pays a visit to the secretary chick, plays on her sympathy, gets the info he wants then lets loose the chick to beat Skinner up, and she leaves size 7 heel marks all over the AD.
Scully and Mulder use the lame criminal trespassing complaint and obtain a search warrant. A full swat team of agents crashes Pushers apartment. Mulder finds protein drinks Scully finds drugs, and Burst gets a call.....
BURST: Hey Pusher long time no see.
PUSHER: Yeah what a whole 2 days. Hey are Agents and Scully there? Well namely Scully? I think she's hot.
BURST: Yeah there here so what?
PUSHER: No reason just asking and it's in the script. Hey didn’t I tell ya that you had a great name?
BURST: Yeah what about it?
PUSHER: Oh nothing, except right now the script calls for me to get into your mind, make your heart beat fast. So you will have a heart attack and die. Of course the G-man and G-woman figure this out but not fast enough and you croak. And that means no return guest appearances on next season's eps. too bad huh?
BURST: I don't believe you! CC promised....
PUSHER: Nope it’s true says right here, Burst well Bursts... Me on the other hand, well I have a great scene coming up later.....
MULDER: I'm going in!
SCULLY: Why? It's just one of those dumb protest things, let the locals handle it.
MULDER: Nah, this guy is pissing me off and I want him.
SCULLY: Well if you must here put on all this swat gear so I can see you beat this disgruntle and unruly patient to a bloody pulp. I mean Jeez, I hate it when patients bitch about the food this guy deserves what he gets. Oh and hey take my gun too, I wouldn’t wanna see ya get hurt.
MULDER: Gee thanks Scully, I didn't think you cared.
SCULLY: I didn't say I cared just don't wanna see you get hurt. Because then they would force me to do more work and carry the show in your absence. And not just get to sit around and look pretty and throw loops in all your theories. I'd have to do real work and CC doesn't pay me enough for that.
SCULLY: Hey what happened to the picture?
EXTRA SWAT MEMBER: Dunno, must not have paid the cable bill.
SCULLY : Well I had better go in after him, and give him a piece of my mind for having the TV link go out. We were just getting to the good spot and the popcorn was already too.
ESM: Well ya better suit up. Sorry I don't have all the fancy stuff like we gave Mulder. With all the cut backs in the Agency we only have one SWAT gear out fit and we all have to share. All we have is one bullet proof vest.
SCULLY: No way I ain't wearing that God awful vest.
ESM: You have to, it says right here in the script. "Make Scully wear the ugliest vest we have and give her the line this is the only one we have left. She will complain that it does nothing for her cleavage and yell at wardrobe. Don't listen to it. She is 5 times smaller than you. Get another Extra in there if need be to hold her down. But get that vest on her. It is very so important because it adds validity to the scene and CC wants to send it around for the Emmy people. Tell her it is for own good that she wears the vest."
SCULLY: You are lying it doesn't say that!
ESM: Yes it does see!
SCULLY: This vest does absolutely nothing for my cleavage. Get me the idiot in wardrobe that got this dumb vest 2 sizes to big!
ESM: This is the smallest size they got. Now put it on like a good little actress and go get Mulder!
SCULLY: My agent is gonna hear about this! This bites!
ESM: It's for your own good, now go save Mulder's butt. We're all rooting for ya! Be a good little trooper and team player and do as the script says. Besides I think CC is sending this scene to all the Emmy people.
SCULLY: Well in that case, better have make-up come in and touch up the sugar coating stuff on my face so my mole don't show. Or CC will have a fit! Something about my face being to small.
ESM: Your face isn't small your height might leave a bit to be desired but I like the beauty mark.
SCULLY: Well thanks agent, and I know I'm part of the vertically challenged and I would appreciate it if you would stop making mocking comments about my lack of height. It might have grave effects on my ego and self worth and I might be forced to seek professional help. Therefore missing a few eps. And remember what happen the last time I wasn't in an ep?
ESM: Oh, yea '3' and Mulder got laid by a vampire.
SCULLY: Yes and the ep sucked, ratings were low and CC was pissed! And you would not want to be the reason he is mad. Trust me I know. I made him made once and ended up being abducted by aliens.
ESM: I thought was because you were pregnant.
SCULLY: Uh, huh, that's why he was angry, he had to listen to the execs. at FOX say "I told ya so. You should have gone with the top heavy Anderson not the short one."
ESM: Well ya got that vest on?
SCULLY: Yeah, guess I better get in there.
ESM :Yep.... and Agent Scully... Good luck.
SCULLY: Thanks....
SCULLY: Hey! That's my gun!
PUSHER:Shut up Agent Scully! You are interrupting a very challenging game of Russian Roulette between me and your partner. Wanna join?
SCULLY: No! I just want my gun back. With all the bullets too. The last time I returned my gun back to wardrobe it was missing a few bullets and they took it out of my salary. Bet they never take stuff like that out of *his* salary.
MULDER: Come on Pusher, lets finish this. There's a ball game on in a few minutes and I wanna make it home in time to watch.
PUSHER: What makes you think you will be alive to watch it Mulder.
MULDER: Well I read the script. Scully is gonna give a great preference here and possibly earn her self a Emmy nod. She'll cry it will distract you, but only for a moment and you will have me point her gun already to shoot. Which I wouldn't mind doing sometimes because she can really be a pain in the ass... Demanding to drive, not buying my sunflower seeds when I ask, always making my look like a fool by finding holes in my theories, and she looks better then me. But I have this soft spot for this lovely G-Woman, even though the vest does nothing for her cleavage.
PUSHER: So what are you getting at? Stop stalling and shoot her Mulder! Remember she doesn't believe. She is a spy hired by the CSM to debunk your work kill her kill her kill her!
SCULLY:
MULDER: Ya know he's right! You have been nothing but a pain in my side since day one. I have a good mind to....
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