Post- Modern Prometheus

12/04/97
POST MODREN DAY PROMETHEUS
‘Post-Nothingness-Sort of- Modern Review of Prometheus’
by C.Schmidt ®

Disclaimer: Once along time ago there was a book that scared the shit out of people, or was that a movie? Anyway I didn’t write that book and this review has nothing to do with that book but I disclaim myself anyway just in case. Um... oh and this review also happens to have nothing to do with the show that was sort of based on that scary book that I just disclaimed myself from but I did read that book and I did watch the show that was based on the scary book I did not write that I have disclaimed myself from. That book and that show that once scared the shit out of people, that did not write but did read once, belongs to others... they just forgot there are people like me that love to rip apart literary masterpieces and cult blockbusters. All glory is theirs... I’m just riding on the coat tails but do promise that if I make anything off these ramblings they’ll have to talk to my lawyers before seeing one damn cent!

Opening Season -

We see a hand.. not just any hand mind you but a highly paid hand of a union actor working on scale’s hand... or It could be a hand of a hand stand in or the hand of God or the hand that that that what’s that old saying? Oh yeah the hand that rocks the cradle.... Anyway we see the last of the color with this hand as it opens a comic book... A comic book? We do have this on the right channel right? I mean this isn’t Lois and Clark is it? Could be though as I read on the Internet that there is to be a warm fuzzy feeling at the end... Any we see this hand, opens a collectors edition color comic book.....

"Some where in the land lurked a monster...."

Ooo, scary stuff!!!! Must be the black and white effect I’d never be scared if this was in color! Anyway we see some town and then a mama yelling at her boy about something.... Later it is night and the Jerry Springer show is on... Someone or should we say something (can’t tell this Black and White stuff is playing tricks with my eyes) starts tenting the house for roaches maube... but this is where the mama that yelled at her boy that is now watching Jerry Springer is... Oh no! The person we can’t see because of the B&W effect just violated her frying pan!! Good God isn’t that a federal offense? Oh no! There is smoke... and boy does this B&W effect really make it a scary effect. Wait I hear music.... Oh no it’s Cher! I didn’t know Cher sung. I thought she was an actress that occasionally sung.... Anyway her song really adds to the B&W effect to just scare the crap out of everyone.... Oh no! Its.. its... its alive!!! It’s the monster! Everyone run away... run away.... Quick someone find the color button that will make this ep not so scary. Good thing this show ain’t on Friday night now more or this would have the whole country calling their mummies..... Eek the monster and he is singing along with Cher.....

Cue Music -

"It's astounding - Time is fleeting. Madness takes its toll . But listen closely - not for very much longer I've got to keep control. I remember doing the time warp Drinking those moments when The Blackness would hit me - The void would be calling Let's do the Time Warp again Let's do the Time Warp again. It's just a jump to the left And then a step to the right With your hands on your hips You bring your knees in tight But it's the pelvic thrust That starts to drive you insane Let's do the time warp again insane Let's do the time warp again It's so dreamy - oh Fantasy Free Me So you can't see me - no not at all In another dimension - with voyeuristic intention Well secluded - I'll see all With a bit of a mind flip - you're there in the time slip Nothing can ever be the same You're spaced out on sensation Like you're under sedation Let's do the time warp again Let's do the time warp again"
Time Wrap,
Rocky Horror Picture Show

Mulder and Scully are driving in the rain to some town while Scully reads Mulder’s fan mail. Mulder thinks about getting his own 1-900 number and Scully is pissed because he didn’t bring her along when he was a guest on the Jerry Springer show....

MULDER: I thought you didn’t like that sort of stuff...

SCULLY: See that is where you were wrong...

MULDER: What you mean you watch the talk show garbage?

SCULLY: No you thought! Mulder every time you think something bad happens...

MULDER: Then why were you mad? Unless you really do like watching that garbage..

SCULLY: Um... let’s just say I have a secret obsession for raunchy tell all shows.. I nearly cried all night when they took Joan Rivers off the air.

MULDER: You mean you liked her show?

SCULLY: Well no... but by her getting the ax as a talk show host it means she’d show up somewhere else on TV where people might actually watch her.

MULDER: Well you still didn’t answer my question...

SCULLY: Which was?

MULDER: You really like the Jerry Springer show?

SCULLY: Let’s change the subject... Um... back to this letter.... It says this loon... ooops lady, heard Cher while getting knocked up? CHER!!

MULDER: Yeah you know Sony Bono’s better half, before moving to DC to be a Congressman. They had lots of hits, like "And the Beat goes on...." And they had their own TV show.

SCULLY: No way! Maybe that is what we should be investigating instead of the deformed gigolo here....

Mulder and Scully arrive at the ladies house. She serves them generic Pepsi or some type of caffine enhanced drink and spills her guts. She shows them the violated frying pan and the empty jar of peanut butter....

PREGOS WOMAN: He was here I tell you!

SCULLY: What because your pan was violated or because your peanut butter is gone, you claim a monster was here... Look lady, I have been on many a case and there as to be more proof then this to make me believe you saw a monster.

PW: I’m not talking to you, you ain’t the expert he is it said so when he was on the Jerry Springer show, that he was an expert on all things weird.

MULDER: Um... yeah Scully I’m the expert now go away, and find something useful to do while I solve this case... Go snoop in that room maybe you will find something...

Scully snoops Mulder empress the Pregos Woman with his knowledge of weird things.... Scully finds a collectors issue of a rare comic book that she has been wanting and swipes it. She then sees another comic book with a monster that looks just ike the monster that knocked up the prego woman. They all chat about it and then Izzy, the prego woman’s son and author of the book comes home. They chat for a bit and then Izzy takes Mulder and Scully into the woods....

SCULLY: Oh no... I hate the woods! Once five years ago this bigwig Hollywood type lied to me. He said oh come to Vancouver it will be a nice walk in the woods... And then last week we was stuck in the woods and were chased by evil trees...and I was forced to sing!!!!!

MULDER: Don’t remind me.... anyway Izzie you said this works...

IZZY: Yeah I put a peanut butter sandwich put and he comes....

Mulder and Scully have a private conversation -that is being taped- in which Scully gives us a Scullyism on talk shows, then presents Mulder with a dilemma by asking "Is there anything you don't believe in, Mulder?" Before we get the answer the monster appears and eats his dinner. All chase after the monster. He alludes them. Some guy with a pig appears and takes them to see Dr. Pollidori. Scully and Dr. Pollidori talk doctor talk and it is lighting continuously now... OOoo with the lighting and B&W thing really is making me scared.... Dr. Pollidori starts talking about some gene....

MULDER: What is the comics ox gene?

POLLIDORI: How the hell should I know... ask her she’s the scientist.

MULDER: UM.. Scully?

SCULLY: I believe it is a gene that was the predecessor to the now popular Levi jean... yeah that’s what they said in gene 101 back at the U of Maryland...

MULDER: You basically don't have a clue to what Pollidori is talking about do you?

SCULLY: Something like that but I know he is doing experiments with it, just look at all the machines in this place a humming and all the lab glass things on the burners and things in the jars, he must be busy maybe we should go....

Before they go Dr. Pollidori shows them a film on flies and Mulder now understands he is dealing with Dr. Frankenstein, who in tonight’s ep is played by Dr. Pollidori. Later Dr. Pollidori packs and we see him and the misses chat about kids. He don’t want none she does.... Dr. Pollidori leaves and the misses sulks... then we see the tent covering thing.

The next morning Mulder and Scully go to the local J.J’s diner -there has to be one of these places in every town. Scully buys a paper and Mulder flirts with the towns people. Seems they all like Mulder this a.m. and the food is not only great but free! Scully informs him on why they love him....

SCULLY: We have a nark! Let's find and kill him! Hang'em by the balls in the town square I say!

MULDER: Huh?

SCULLY: Why else do you think these people are being nice to you?

MULDER: Cause I’m cute?

SCULLY: In your dreams... but read this....

Scully gives Mulder the morning paper.

MULDER: This sounds familiar...

SCULLY: Yeah it was our conversation last night....

MULDER: No I mean this blurb on the one hot red-headed chick.... says she and her boyfriend Rod are gonna elope and mess the fans up and that her co-star has big caunhuhs! He is well hung or something.....

SCULLY: Huh? Never mind.... We got a bigger problem...

MULDER: And that would be?

SCULLY: These people think we are going to get them on the Jerry Springer show.

MULDER: So...

SCULLY: They are going to hate you when you break the news that it ain’t happening.

MULDER: Why me?

SCULLY: Coz they like you....

Mulder and Scully go to kill the nark. Izzy confesses he taped them and Mulder and Scully listen to the tape to confirm this. Yep that’s them all right and the Scullyism before the Great Mutato eats the sandwich... then there is something else on the tape...

SCULLY: What the hell is that?

IZZY: Boy are you dumb...

PW: That’s it that’s the song I hear when I get knocked up...

SCULLY: Huh?

MULDER: It’s Cher.

SCULLY: Oh I see.... That is a stupid song!

Next we see the monster at the Good Dr. Pollidori’s house. He is singing along with Cher..... Hmmm must have gotten laid..... Cut back to Mulder and Scully, Mulder gives a Mulderism, Scully looks around and it sort of dawns on her, "These people sort of look alike and they are creepy." I think it was the B&W stuff Scully makes everything in the ep creepy! Anyway Mulder and Scully drive and chat. Then Mulder sees a tented house and we hear, "Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves," while Mulder and Scully enter the house... OOoo that songs gives an eerie feeling or is the B& W thing oh well..... There is that gas in the building and Mulder and Scully succumb and pass out on the floor. Good God who decorates this house Santa Claus????

Mulder and Scully are awaken when the good doctor returns. His wife tells the tale. Mulder and Scully are still well they got a doosey of a hang over is what. Mulder explains that their frying pan has been violated...

SCULLY: I have to agree... this is the classic frying pan violation.

POLLIDORI: And this means what?

SCULLY: Well when combined with empty peanut butter jars, the Great Mutato has laid -so to speak- is seed.

MULDER: Well look an empty jar of peanut butter....

Next we see clips from MASK, as the Great Mutato is watching the tube. His dad brings him wow a peanut butter sandwich... now who’d a thunk it.... Back at the house the old man remembers the Great Mutato's childhood has he looks through old photo album until the Dr. Pollidori arrives and beats him to a bloody pulp.

Mulder stops in to J.J’s for a bite to eat but now finds he ain’t welcome there and the cook even spits in his food. Seems the townies now know Jerry Springer ain’t coming. Then a riot ensues and Scully starts doing some decetive work. Meanwhile the Great Mutato buries his dad. Mulder and Scully arrive at the farm and find.... a reporter. Probably the paparazzi. She gives the scoop on this and Scully sort of believes... Mulder does and proudly proclaims, "It’s alive!" Then another riot, the towns folk are armed with torches and lead by Dr. Pollidori to the barn to burn the monster out! They storm the barn, Scully sees the Great Mutato and they chase him. Of course Scully screams, "Federal agents and we’re armed so come on out?" Well they find the Great Mutato and his Cher stash. They reveal him to the rioting masses he explains stuff and then they all flee to Vegas and catch a show.... Um... Cher.. Great Mutato is happy and Mulder and Scully dance. I mean dance like they are having fun dance like Scully smiling fun. WOW this cold never have happened.... That is the x-file right Mulder and Scully dancing smiling and like being Um.. normal....Oh look the look now closes and we have color again.... THE END