The Batter taps "Home" plate. Hey If I didn't know no better I'd bet the farm there was something under that base, oh say like a dead baby. The batter whacks the ball over the bobbed-wired fence and into the only house on the block with storm clouds over head and it's a nice sunny day too. Oops wrong house wrong old television show. All the boys stare and declare that "I ain't going in the Peacocks yard I hear they eat little boys." The day is saved however when one boy remembers he as an extra ball and the game continues. The batter reaches down and does that dumb base ball ritual. Why do they do that BTW. Next he continues with the time honored ritual passed down through the ages and promptly starts digging his feet into the dirt. Striking oil, wait that ain’t oil... ewwwww its blood and ewwww a dead baby's hand. All shrike in horror except the pitcher he was busy concentrating on the pitch. He tosses... strike 3 your out! Then he too sees the hand....
Mulder picks the baseball up and smells it. Scully mean while is bent down...
KIM MANNERS: Hey she has on combat boots! Wardrobe! Who the hell said Scully could wear boots?
SET HELP: huh.... Ms. Anderson did.
KM: And since when did any one around here start letting the stars pick out their own clothes?
SH: I don't know Hey I only work here.
KM: Well it's to late to have her change and we got a production schedule to keep. But next time I want to see Scully in heels! Not boots! The audience is used to seeing Scully wear these 11inch heels. Besides if she didn't wear them she would only come to Molder’s belt buckle! And don't let Ms. Anderson talk you into letting her wear boots! She will mind you. She will mumble trash about how they hurt during running scenes and that they aren't comfortable. We don't pay her to be comfortable we pay her to act! Now, Action!
SCULLY: Mulder! Mulder! What the hell are you doing?
MULDER: Huh, sorry did you say something? I was remembering stuff.
SCULLY : Why am I the one doing all the work while you stand there and play with your self? Mulder! Mulder! You haven’t heard a word I've said have you?
MULDER: Huh...
SCULLY: As I was saying.... I quit the FBI and am now your Congress Woman.
MULDER: Smell this Scully.
SCULLY: Lovely....
MULDER: And you can't be my Congress Woman. I didn't vote for you and I don't think they pay you enough to buy the election. And weren't you supposed to say "I quit the FBI and became a spokes person for Ab-Roller." That is what was in the script not that junk about being in Congress. Besides I was just remembering me, Samantha, baseball and stuff like that. This is a nice place ya know. Nice and quite no faxs no computers.
SCULLY: Mulder you'd go nuts with out your PC.
MULDER: You don't know me as well as ya think I wouldn't mind after the show runs it course I think I could handle settling in a place like this.
SCULLY: No way! And you would die with out that PC. I know you! You are constantly on line surfing the newsgroups and mailing lists checking out what is being said bout you. Me on the other already know I'm the Goddess of the internet and have no such need to boost my ego! And you would pick a place like this to settle down? HA! I thought you were going to do movies after the show.
MULDER: Well I'm doing movies now. Which is more than I can say for you miss Queen of the net. And this is a nice town, oh look here comes the sheriff.
SCULLY: This town? HA! reminds me of Mayberry and you...
TAYLOR: Hey there ya'll I'm Andy Taylor the sheriff.
SCULLY: LOL
MULDER: LOL
SCULLY: You are kidding right? [Still laughing]
TAYLOR: Nah, ma'am. That was the name they gave me when I auditioned
MULDER: You look ....
SCULLY: Familiar.
MULDER: Yeah that is the word. Have we met before?
SCULLY: Gee Mulder! How dumb can you be? He used to be on Space Above and Beyond played the Colonel. He probably got the part cus of Wong and Morgan.
MULDER: Yeah.... I remember now.....
Scully slaps on the latex and looks at the baby. She tells Mulder that this baby has every kind of genetic birth defect ever known to man. And it is decided that the baby died because it was buried alive. Of course Scully uses big long words to describe everything but you get the point.
Mulder and Scully walk out side and have, well they have probably the most touching and intimate scene to date since the Rock scene in Quagmire, while they sit on the bench.
MULDER: You ok Scully?
SCULLY: Yeah, I'm fine Mulder.
Scully spews lots of big words lots of times and it is agreed that the Peacocks have defiantly been watching the movie "Deliverance" way to many times and are practicing some inbreeding. But with no sis or mother to put to the test. It is concurred that they probably kidnapped someone to use to proliferate those Peacock genes of theirs....
Mulder and Scully go to the Peacock farm. Before going to the door, Scully stops to adjust her bra. And they notice a car! Hey they ain't supposed to have nothing modern. Well they take note and go to the front door and knock. Surprise Surprise Surpass, no one answers, so Mulder does what he always does, enters FBI rules be damned! They snoop around and find all the evidence in one room they would need to convicted. And like idiots they say it there too. They should be more careful don't they know the walls have ears or in this cases its the floor and it has eyes......
Scully chats with Taylor will Mulder tries to make the TV in the hotel work. Taylor tells Scully he has issued an APB and they hang up. Taylor checks is gun. The Brothers Grime mean while have decided to take a spin into town in their nice big white Cadillac.
MUTANT #1: Ma! We'll be back we need to go into town and beat that no good sheriff to a bloody pulp.
MAMA MUTANT: Ok, dear. You are such good boys. Did ya grab the big o'le clubs by the door dears?
MUTANT #2: Yes mother.
MAMA MUTANT: Ya got enough gas?
MUTANT #3: Yes Mother.
MAMA MUTANT: Well ok then and you be back at a decent hour now ya hear? Oh and can ya swing through Micky Dee's I'm dying for a Big Mac and some fries.
MUATNT #1: Sure ma. see ya later!
Scully is still in Mulder's hotel room...
SCULLY: What the hell are you doing?
MULDER: Trying to get the Nick's game. Hey Scully...
SCULLY: WHAT! Ya know Mulder you are really starting to piss me off in this episode...
MULDER: Gee, you don't have to bite my head off. All I was gonna ask is if you could stand by the TV hold these rabbit ears while I wrapped you in foil for about 3 or 4 hours while I watch the game. But well if you are gonna get all testy on me you can just leave.
SCULLY: I can't believe you! First the "here Scully smell this baseball," while I did all the work. Hell all you did was pretend you were 9 years-old again. And now you want me to be your TV antenna? I don't think so! How come you don't have to do no work on this case?
MULDER: Oh, that’s easy, see not only did my agent, BTW great agent you should talk to him about having that whimpy contact of yours re-negotiated. Anyway, he made it so not only are we just doing only 22 episodes this year but I also get to be almost non-existent in one, do voice overs in the one bout the CSM, have a great script written for me, um.. not you! So I get a shot at the Emmy, and I don’t have to do diddly in this episode while you do all the leg work. Pretty cool huh?
SCULLY: NO! I think that bites! Well I'm going, all the work I did has made me tired and I need my beauty sleep. Oh look the lock on your door is broke. Gee I hope no one sneaks in and belts you on the head or nothing. If I was you...
MULDER: Hey this is "Home" PA no crimes ever happen here I can leave the door unlocked.
SCULLY: Well I ain't that dumb. I know I will be locking my door. After all those 3 mutant brother, they were watching us before for all we know they could have been hiding behind that bench and over heard the fact that I have a prefect genetic history not to mention I'm gorgeous. And well, they might decide to try and kidnap me and make me make Uber Scullys with them. So I know I'll be locking my door!
MULDER: That is the dumbest most paranoid Scullyism I have ever heard. What were Wong and Margon stoned when they wrote this episode?
SCULLY: They didn't write that I ad-libbed it. And I have heard you spew worst so shut up and good night! Oh and don't let the Gruesome Threesome bite!
Deputy Barney sits on the steps smoking has Scully and Mulder drive up. Barney tells them the bodies are inside and also gives Scully the lab reports he received this morning. Mulder looks at the bodies, and Scully bitches about the lab tests. She then explains the birds in and bees to Mulder. Scully suggests they go back to the farm to hunt the boys down like dogs. Mulder strangely says that they should wait for back up! Barney does his imitation of Charles Branson and demands vengeance. Chuckie wins and they go to the farm.
The Peacock boys how ever are ready. They prepare the house and turn it into a Waco type compound re-enforcing every inched of the house with booby traps in an effort to defend all that is Peacock. Mulder, Scully and Barney prepare to storm the house.....
BARNEY: Here better put these on!
SCULLY: Are those butt ugly vest really needed! I hate wearing them! They do nothing for my sexy figure!
MULDER: Shut up Scully! Every time you have to put one on you bitch and it takes like 4 guys from the set to hold you down while one straps the vest on you. Can you please make this a bit easier this time? Or I'll get the brothers grime over there to hold ya down while I slap this on ya!
SCULLY: Well I hate these things they suck! The cool SWAT head sets though are a different story, but I hate these damn vests! Whos hair brain idea was it anyway!
MULDER: Scully put it on or I call the 3 mutants!
SCULLY: Fine! But see if I try and help you out when CC makes you wear dumb stuff!
Mulder makes a rude sexaul comment Scully ignores it. And finally they get the distraction as the pigs stampede and the brothers come storming out of the house. Mulder and Scully sneak in and find lots of booby traps. And mama Peacock, informs Scully she would make a shitty mother. The brothers return and there is a big fight scene. But to due time here we'll just skip it. Well as it turns out these are mutants and the normal bullets have little effect even from Scully's *big* gun it takes 5 shots to due in a mutant and that ain't counting the missed shots on both her and Mulder's part. Oh yeah before the fight scene we saw old pictures of the Peacock family while the armless and legless wonder that is mama Peacock recounts all generations and their history to Scully, that was when she told Scully she would make an awful mum.
As it turns out they get 2 of the boys but one gets away with mama peacock. The back ups finally arrive but to late.
Closing scene ---
We see the white Cadillac hear that Johnny Mathis tune while the car kinda moves back and forth. Then the boy gets out the trunk and mama says something about continuing the Peacock family line and they drive off into the sun set.
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