Elegy

5/5/97
ELEGY
"Elegy, A Nothingness Review"
by C.Schmidt ®

DISCLAIMER: Blah blah blah legal, blah blah blah, Chris Carter, blah blah blah, them, blah blah blah, poor, blah blah blah, sex, blah blah blah, none, blah blah blah Barney, blah blah blah, wait whoa Barney? Nevermind I own nothing, these are just ramblings that make no sense, never did never will.

Opening Scene -

The manager of a the local bowling alley is picking up the mess of the day, while the hired help counts shoes. He is slow and the manager is done and doesn’t want to have to pay him over time so he sends him home. Harold leaves and the manager starts shoving the shoes in any which slot. One of the pin mover upper and over things starts going bizerko and oozing blood. The manager goes to take a peak and finds more blood and a woman stuck up on the pin thing. He calls 911 then runs outside and grabs one of the cops tells his sad story and....

Cue Music --
"I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together. See how they run like pigs from a gun see how they fly. I’m crying. Sitting on a cornflake -- waiting for the van come. Corporation teashirt, stupid bloody Tuesday man you been a naughty boy you let your face grow long. I am the eggman, they are the eggman -- I am the walrus GOO GOO GOO JOOB."
‘I Am The Walrus’
Lennon/ McCartney

Scully is strapping on the bowling shoes while Mulder chats with the manager of the bowling alley...

MULDER: Hey Scully, come look at this.

SCULLY: Look at what?

MULDER: This.

SCULLY: Yeah so, it’s a bowling pin mover replacer's thing what’s so interesting about it? There are 29 more just like, in this building even.

MULDER: Nah, look at those bars. This dude the manager says it would take something pretty heavy to cause them to bend like that and it had to have happened from the top meaning some pushed down.

SCULLY: Oh... Is this where you claim to have seen that young woman that the police found outside in the parking lot?

MANAGER: Yes ma’am.

SCULLY: And this is the same spot where the blood supposedly oozed all over then disappeared when you returned?

MANAGER: Um... yes ma’am.

MULDER: Hey can I get a drink?

MANAGER: Sure what ya want?

SCULLY: Well I’d like some vodka cause this case looks like it is gonna lead me to drink.

MULDER: To early in the day...Just bring me a coke and some water for the lady.

SCULLY: Hey I said Vodka!

MULDER: Scully, we are on duty and vodka isn’t good for your cancer. Um, Mr. Manager one coke one water thanks.

MANAGER: Hey lady don’t give me that look the gentleman said water.

MULDER: Yeah why that look and explain it to me what that look means.

SCULLY: It means I’m not amused, this case is dumb but since we are here let’s bowl.

MULDER: Well this case is not dumb, just wait once I get my coke I’ll show ya something. Also bowling isn’t good for a person in your condition.

SCULLY: Huh? What you mean my condition?

MULDER: Hush we’ll chat later here comes my coke.

Mulder dumps the coke on the place where the blood was and the words "She is me," appear etched in the floor. Jump to a police briefing where Mulder gives his take on things and appears crazy like normal. Mulder and Scully follow some leads that lead them to a mental hospital....

MULDER: Does anyone recognize this woman?

Mulder holds a picture of the lady found dead. All the patients hold their hands up and start claiming,"yeah I know her. She is the dead lady." Scully holds a picture of Jay Leno...

SCULLY: Anyone know this guy?

FAT MENTAL GUY: He is the killer!

All agree.

SCULLY: Good we’re done Mulder Jay Leno is the killer of this woman. Let’s issue out a warrant for his arrest and go home.

MULDER: Not so fast Scully I want to question that one in the back.

Scully goes out into the hall way and figures out something about wedding rings then they question Harold. Mulder and Scully agree this guy needs help and is in the right place they also agree that he is like that person Dustin Hoffman played in the movie "Rain Man." Something about numbers, anyway Scully is really sick of this case and comes across the best excuse to get out of work. As she and Mulder talk and look over Harold’s records blood drops to the report.

MULDER: Scully stop bleeding all over these reports. We do have to turn them back in you know. SCULLY: Um... I feel sick I think I’ll let you deal with this case. I’m going to the hospital.

MULDER: Oh fine, just leave me to deal with the case. Ditch me! I know you think it is a dumb case, sure fine, "Oh my cancer is acting up again I have to leave." Sure fine go I’ll handle this case you go off relax in the hospital but if I die while trying to solve this case ALONE it will be YOUR fault.

SCULLY: Well the mental people already Id'ed your guy it’s Leno so this case is done as far as I’m concern. Excuse me I need to clean this blood off my face.

Scully goes into the bathroom and wipes the blood off but before she is done she sees the words "She is Me," written in blood on the mirror and a ghost of some college chick. Almost immediately another lady is killed, Mulder and Scully find out it was a college chick. Scully keeps it to herself that she saw this college chick in the bathroom and decides now is a good time to see a shrink. Well after she goes into the hospital for a blood work up that is.

Meanwhile Mulder goes back to the bowling alley for another look see. He finds Harold up in the rafters mumbling "She is Me," over and over. Later a cop and a shrink and of course Mulder question Harold. All Harold does is spew numbers. Mulder whips out a name and Harold whips out numbers...

MULDER: Penny Timons.

HAROLD: 32, 24, 32

MULDER: Lisa Sharpiro.

HAROLD: 36, 32, 36

MULDER: Mary Chamberlain.

HAROLD: 22, 35, 22

MULDER: Shoe size.

HAROLD: 6 1/2.

All go back to the bowling alley. Harold leads them back behind the lanes and there are all these scorecards. Harold sees the bowling managers ghost and screams NOOOO! And runs away. Turns out the manager just crocked from a heart attack. Mulder visits Scully at home and asks for help. Scully says the Doc said she was fine and returns to duty.

Meanwhile in the mental home, Harold is brought back in and told to take is medicine. He never gets to has the drug crazed nurse steals it then claims Harold beat her up. Meanwhile the fat mental patient tells Scully, "I’m only a human being." Scully runs into the drug crazed nurse and they duke it out. Scully wins as she has a bigger gun. Actually the nurse only has a scalpel and she trys to cut Scully. Scully doesn’t like getting all cut up so she shoots the nurse, but not to kill and because of lots of practice on shooting Mulder, Scully merely wings the nurse. Tis just a flesh wound. Mulder and Scully chat in the hall way...

SCULLY: So How does Harold fit in all this Mulder?

MULDER: I think Harold had a connection somehow. Like he could channel stuff of the dying because he himself was dying.

SCULLY: Oh, really.

MULDER: Yeah, so he was able to channel the dead before or rather in between when they died and right before they go to heaven.

SCULLY: Uh, huh. So what? You know Harold wasn’t the only one to see visions of the dead.

MULDER: Yeah, I know the manager guy saw the one dead lady.

SCULLY: I saw one.

MULDER: What?

SCULLY: Do I stutter? I said I saw one of the dead before they were dead or there about the time they became dead.

MULDER: And you didn’t tell me! Why! I thought we trusted each other. Now I find out you have been keeping stuff from me. You are a psychic and didn’t tell me. Why?

SCULLY: Cause, then you’d want me to tell you the numbers for next week's lotto. And you would get mad cause they will be wrong. I can only see the dead not pick lotto numbers. That and I don’t believe. Remember I’m the skeptic you're the believer.

MULDER: Is that why you came here then to prove me wrong?

SCULLY: No I came because you don’t have a medical degree and you needed a medical opinion.

MULDER: Oh, yeah forgot. But you still don’t trust me enough to tell me you saw a ghost. I think you need to see a shrink! After all we have been through I can’t believe you don’t trust me.

SCULLY: I saw a shrink and a doctor and they said I was fine! So stop whining! Forget I’m psychic, cause I’m not going to help you place bets on things!

MULDER: Fine! Some partner you are. You're a psychic and you won’t share your ability.

SCULLY: You're jealous.

MULDER: Damn straight I am.

SCULLY: Tough! I’m going home. Bye!

Closing scene -

Scully walks out to her car. She is upset with Mulder, life, cancer and her new found ability. But she doesn’t want to address all the problems so she does the next best thing.... She cries her eyes out. Only to have her moment of sobbing end with the ghostly appearance of Harold in the back seat. When she turns to see him he is not there.....

Cue the Milky Way commercial.

THE END