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the Christmas season arrives

monday, 12/16/2002

We hosted friends from my Unitarian Universalist spiritual group for a Christmas party on Saturday night. A side benefit of having people over is that it forces us to clean up the place, put away or throw out all that miscellaneous clutter that accumulates on every surface and in every corner. We had to put up the tree without any help from the kids, since they aren't home yet, but we found an 8 footer (shorter than usual) that dressed up nicely.

UU groups always attract unusual and talented people, and ours is no different. This means entertainment is ever available, and we insist on sharing these gifts. Having a few glasses of wine encourages the performers. This year, we had a white elephant gift exchange, and the prize of the evening was this lovely, slightly used, ceramic toucan. The coveted bird changed hands several times, only briefly staying in mine, but the last person to own it thought I would love it more than her, so she left it for me.

Yesterday, M and I made sugar cookie dough to chill, awaiting the arrival of youngest daughter from college, since she loves to bake cookies. She arrived last night, eager to have some friends over. We'll roll, cut, bake, and decorate tonight.

the times they are a changin'

saturday, 12/14/2002

It is simply amazing how many places your name is recorded for some purpose or other. Yesterday I took care of three more, a frequent flyer program, a Sam's Club (shopping) membership, and a safe deposit box signature card.

The lady at the customer service counter at Sam's is used to name changes for women, but last names, not first. She looked at my old card and said, "Well you were never named ____ ." To which I said, "Yes, strange as it may seem, I was." After awhile, seeing who else was on the account, she would occasionally glance at me, then look back at her monitor. Nervous, but nice.

The trip to the bank didn't go as well, since I didn't want to go through all of the hassle again; I simply wanted to put a car title in the safe deposit box. The teller asked if I was M (the other name on the card), and I uncharacteristically fibbed and said yes. I couldn't sign like her, so she asked for ID, and of course the name on my driver's license is not on the signature card, and I had to confess. I asked to speak to a manager in private, and after I retrieved some documents from the car, we straightened it all out.  As the manager was getting the box out for me, I apologized, with the excuse that some people don't take to this sort of thing very well. Her perfect response was that it wasn't her place to judge other people. I suppose that having lived a good part of my life around serious bigots, I have low expectations for the responses of other people. How nice it is to be proven wrong.

Lesson learned: Just be honest (as is my nature) and let the chips fall where they may.

family

sunday, 12/08/2002

Who should we call our family? Should it be limited to blood relatives, even the ones we haven't seen for ages, sometimes by choice? Or should family include the people we feel closest to, the ones we can count on, who nurture and support us? For transgendered people, or any other marginalized minority for that matter, family must sometimes be reconstructed to include those whose love is unwavering, whether blood relative or not.

On Saturday, I rode to the semi-annual gathering of my trans-clan with my sister-by-choice Michelle, who is very handy with a wrench. She restored this beautiful 1956 Ford F-100 curved glass pickup (have to get all the car-buff adjectives in there) from the ground up.  We had a great time seeing all the old faces, and as always, a few new ones.  After the official meeting, eight of us spent the remaining afternoon and evening eating, drinking, and most of all, laughing harder than I have in years. Our comfort with one another was so complete, we could drop all the barriers we erect for outsiders  We were free to be ourselves, with no secrets, no subject too sensitive to discuss and share, and no joke too off-color.  This is family.

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