www.geocities.com/doniekelly
it is top-notch and features a picture of Russel Crowe and David Hasselhoff in a gay photo exclusive! Oh no, wait....
A fine TV show, and one that is ripe for all sorts of drinking frivolity.
You will need: A large bottle of Jack Daniel's Whiskey
Instructions: Each player choses one member of the A-Team- BA, Murdoch, Face or Hannibal.If you are on your own, stop crying and masturbating. You can be ALL the members! Each time your character performs a certain function in the show (outlined below) reward yourself with a double of JD's. The special functions are as follows:
BA- every time the big-guy either builds something stupendous out of a hunk of shit (ie nuclear warhead from a cornish pasty etc.) or utters one of his immortal phrases: "I ain't goin' on no plane", "shut that jibber-jabber" or "Murdoch you crazy fool!".
Face- every time face seduces the daughter of some unfortunate farmer or generally makes use of his sexual wiles to further the cause of the team.
Murdoch: every time he does something generally regarded by all players to be "howlin' mad" (Note: whoever is Murdoch will get alcohol poisoning)
Hannibal: every time he dresses up in an unlikely disguise, smokes a cigar, or says "I love it when a plan comes together" It is good form that Hannibal is chosen by the smuggest player in the game, as he is a bastard of the highest calibre.
BONUS POINTS! bonus doubles are to be awarded to all if A) no-one gets killed in the episode and (B) BA gets knocked out by a tranquiliser before being taken on a plane.
A genius film, involving as it does both fast planes and soft-core pornography (a recipe more directors would do well to follow), it stars Anthony Edwards in perhaps his finest role yet as Goose, a fast-living high-flying navigator/pianist with a distaste for authority. Oh yes, and Tom Cruise also plays a small role.
You will need: multiple bottles of vodka and a six-barrelled gun with only one barrel loaded.
Instructions: A variation on that old family favourite "Russian Roulette", this game sees friends pitted against each other in a battle to become the true "Top Gun". First, wait until the scene in the film where Goose is tragically killed. At this point, down an entire bottle of vodka and wave the loaded pistol wildly in the air, shouting "WHY GOD, WHY?!?!" (alternatively, merely "GOOOOOSE" will suffice). The players then take it in turns to point the loaded gun at their heads and pull the trigger. The player who pulls the trigger when the barrel is loaded loses both the game and, unfortunatlly, their life. The remaining players then consume further vodka before re-loading the firearm and continuing the game. The last player alive takes the honour of being "Top Gun" of the group. Well done you.
BONUS POINTS: for surviving
Important note for fools and the French: this is a joke
Many people love this film for its heart-warming storyline and life-affirming moral values. However, this game concentrates on an aspect of the film most would rather forget: ass-rape.
It's important to remember that, whilst the film has a happy ending, prison is not a nice place to be, and should one be sent there (are you listening Michael Davis?), it is more than likely you will encounter many a muscled man desiring you to be "his bitch" (nb:this is also the case when visiting KFC in Guisley these days).
You will need: Bottle of Bailey's, Chocolate Angel Delight (prepared in advance)
Instructions: Watch the film. When you believe that Andy has been anally assaulted, eat a bowl of Chocolate Angel Delight. When it is your opinion that he has given oral pleasures to his assualters, drink a glass of Baileys.
BONUS POINTS: for doing both at the same time
Important note: I realise that this game is bollocks, based as it is on guesses and hearsay. However, never let it be said that Patrick Arber is concerned when the facts get in the way of a cheap laugh.
If you have a girlfriend, at some point in the relationship she'll no doubt force you to endure one or more film from her shite collection of weepy feel-good crap (if you haven't got a girlfriend, don't worry and return to the peasures of the palm). Rather than telling her to shut up and turn Rambo back on, turn this into a prime opportunity to get hammered in the presence of those you love. Even better, ask her to invite a (female) friend along in the hope of multi-shenanigans. (Important note: this will not work)
You will need: Tinnies for you and Bacardi Breezers/WKD/Basically anything Quirkey drinks for the lady.Also emergency bottle of Gin.
Instructions: Award yourself immediate pint if the film stars Tom Hanks or Meg Ryan (always an ominous sign).Reach for the Gin if it stars both.. Once the film commences, down a drink each time the following occurs: simpering, longing glances, initial hatred between couple obviously meant to be together, "hilarious" mis-haps, cute kids,unlikely mis-timed meetings, unlikely not meetings etc. Thus, a six-pack should last you about two minutes in dross such as this. Hopefully you and yours should be so hammered after half an hour that you can surreptitiously eject the video.
BONUS POINTS: for then recording over the video with "The Terminator"
Short one this.
You will need:one bottle of Scotch whiskey, one bottle of cheap vodka, one bottle of finest Jamacian rum,multiple cans of red spray paint.
Instructions: first things first, switch off the video and throw it directly in the bin, as it's an over-long bag of wank. This done, pour the contents of all three bottles of alcohol into a large bucket. Dish out straws to your chums and attempt to sup the bucket dry. If this is accomplished, the fun can begin. Take the spray cans and compose your own poetry on the side of your neighbour's house.
BONUS POINTS: for multiple use of expletives in your composition and/or spraypainting the neighbours pet. Happy Hunting!
