From Crackhouse With Love

Hey, Guy!

So you've found my homepage. Congratulations. If you came here from RPGamer it was probably a dull, excessively lengthy trip, punctuated by looking at my horribly boring bio page. Why were you looking at my horribly boring bio page? It's horribly boring, you know. Anyway, to friends, fellow associates, and others who might happen upon this space, welcome again. I've tossed out the epileptic design of yesteryear, so dig in!

·March 12, 2004 2:47 AM Well, gross depression at reading about the peak oil crisis and the various importunings of various (okay, one) friend has led me to update this place again. I'm better now, of course, so perhaps I'll even add some real content in a little bit. For the time being, I've added a new and horrible comic, and I guess I can blog it up here, just to spite all those people who hold out hope of me ever becoming an lj addict. Of course, blogging generally requires some sort of events to chronicle, or at least a struggle with good old angst, so I'm afraid I have little to share. Too bad, eh?

Still, in case you care, I'm in a bit of a rut, having been sidelined by my wonderful immune system again. That's really getting inconvenient, and this time more so than the last, since the whole episode with diabetes took place in August, when I was safely summering it up. Missing a month out of a semester is bad news bears, and not the kind that win baseball games against Japan. True, the hospital had a top-notch staff and some kickass paintings (which may even be safer than the ones possessed by U of T!) but now that I've done jack shit for the past two months, I find myself hard-pressed to get back into any sort of routine, being as lazy as I am. This is probably the root of my lousy mood right now, so hopefully the fact that I finally went back to class today will solve that problem, and if not I'll just drown my sorrows in work. And here!

4:10 AM  And for bonus fun, here's a crappy rant!.

Doof Mountain: Episode 13

·February 7, 2003 1:11 AMThat's me, on the 11's, every so often! The past month has seen a variety of irritating connection problems, but take heart, for after completing the haikua update four freaking times, I finally got the bloody thing finished a fifth time - and was actually able to save the file without doom interposing itself anywhere in the proceedings. So I now present the long-awaited 16th installment of Maikua. The date on the file, incidentally, is from my third attempt at getting them up, showing just how frigging long this bloody thing took.

·January 14, 2003 6:11 AMWell, here goes nothing, part three... PageBuilder seems to have developed a mental block whereby saving pages is quite beyond its capabilities, a rather odd phenomenon for something designed to do just that. There will be Haikua, however... Oh yes, there will be Haikua.

In the daily rantings and ravings department, I've got quite a full slate to toss out here. In fact, so full I might just... do THIS!

Sadly, my haiku attempts have been thwarted yet again. I think I might just bite the bullet and HTMLize it, once I get some time. Sorry Mike ;_; Anyway, I think all my bitching about cats has jinxed me forever, cuz the revenge dumper ran away.

·January 10, 2003 5:22 AMSo anyway, through some irritating trick of bitchery, I can't seem to save the haikua update, so don't be clicking that link unless you're that guy that comes here from the page that doesn't exist. In other news, the Leafs won, handily enough, so I didn't manage to doom them. I'm gonna do my best to get those haikua up at some point today, so fear not.

·January 9, 2003 7:01 PM Just before the Leafs proceed to thrash the Lemieux-less Penguins(or lose horribly, as is their tendency against lousy teams they should beat), I thought I'd finally post the haikua Mike gave me roughly a month ago. In the interim, I've lost them once and ignored them six or twelve times when I really could have been posting them. So, apologies to Mike and any true connoisseur of poetry, who will recognize these works of art for the gems they are. The buttering up now completed, I can proceed to eat my toast and direct you to the haikua, of which there are surprisingly more than usual (although this can perhaps be attributed to their Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde qualities).

·January 9, 2003 2:06 AM Cat-tor struck again, converting one of my cats into a revenge dumping machine. For the unitiated in cat curiosities, "revenge dumping(or "pissing" in the case of a less malevolent feline)" consists of a cat, for reasons of spite, relieving itself in an inconvenient location, such as a shoe, purse, your prone sleeping form, or towel. Yoshimi, never one to be dull and repetitive, also mixed in a few revenge pissings, making me doubly irritated and also glad to be not in Whitby. Which brings me to now. Hmm. Now sure is dull. I'd spice it up by jumping off the roof or poaching a few squirrels or something, but I'm not the sort to contrive content. Well.. Except for that whole train of thought thing. And the inspirational quotes. And heck, I guess this crap here is pretty damn contrived.

Moving along, anyway, I think I'll throw up a rant. More on the lame pun inside.

01/09/03 3:39 AM- How very odd. According to the statistics page that good old Geocities affords me with, .45% of my viewers come from a page that doesn't exist. Freaky. For those who are interested, you can't access the notpage here. Also: why are so many people reading my freaking bio? A third of my hits are from people I don't know now. Guess I'll have to hide my dirty secrets or something. Makes me wish I had a couple...

01/09/03 4:21 AM- Appropriate that I'd update this section at 4:20... Anyhow, I've been a busy little bee and finally got my pretty pictures up. Irritatingly, moving them all over seems to have killed my ability to access my site temporarily, so I have to give Geocities a merry screw you on this one. Jebus.

·December 28/02 4:32 AM ;_;. My Toronto cat got run over a couple days ago, and has proceeded to cat heaven. Don't worry- I'm not going to turn this place into a creepy shrine to my deceased pet, but I figure she was a good enough cat to at least merit some mention here. Thus, I tip my mug (now filled with water, since I had more than my share of beer earlier and have no wish to taste it again from the wrong direction) in her memory, and hope she's frolicking in the clouds, chasing imaginary june bugs and maple keys. Bleh. If only cats didn't have such well-honed chasing instincts. On a side note, one of my cats here is ill, leading me to believe that some spirit in charge of all things cat is out to dick me, an entity I will deem "Cat-tor" for the sake of removing all credibility from this sentence. Screwwwww you, Cat-tor!

·December 26/02 11:39 PM Boxing day blows. Especially when you have to spend it wading through three hundred bilious, sneeze-infestationing, deathmongering people intent on killing each other over table lamps. Of particular note were the hairline family, whose posture and collective recession of hairlines suggested close relationship with profoundly arthritic gibbons, the sneezing doughnut, a repulsive twelve-year old girl whose habit of coughing without covering her mouth (save for the occasional phlegm festival which she opted to spew all over her forearm) had me breathing in a different direction by design, a fraudulent looking guy trying to do fraudulent looking things, and any number of other yucky yucky people.

Meh. I wish I knew what I was going to do for New Year's.

·December 13/02 3:00 AM And this week's word is Christmas! Enjoy, although the format is slightly altered, and the colours ugly.

·December 13/02 2:17 AM Good old timestamps... You can almost chart my reversion to nocturnal meanderings. That which is up: I'm stuck in Whitby a bonus night due to poor planning. It doubly sucks because I don't even work tomorrow, but oh well. I guess there's nothing wrong with some quality family time, or writing about a day in which you did absolutely nothing save for sit around in Leon's. Oh, and watch some crazy french movie.

The fun thing about french (or in this case, french canadian) movies is that they always seem to work in some sort of sexual theme that deviates from strict whitebread heterosexual funtasm. In the particular french film I watched today, viewers were treated to the budding lesbian escapades of a budding lesbian living in crushing poverty with a deadbeat father and overworked mother. I didn't stick around for the denouement, since generally that tends to include something verging on child pornography followed by gloom, doom, and a weirdly exhilirating sunset, but you get the picture. As I was leaving, incidentally, the lesbian-in-waiting was feeling dirty about herself for letting the boulangerist boulange her a little in the back room at the bakery.

At any rate, other fantastic french film moments, as generally seen on CBC at 2 AM, include:

• Heated 12-year old kissing spectacular on a church roof, followed by pissing off said roof onto a nun's head, which later enables the heroine to determine where her wayward boyfriend is, when, hey presto, another nun is treated to a heavenly golden shower
• Tom et Lola, a weird, cracked out film which somehow escaped censors involving this bizarre child-farm-factory-hellhole where nekkid kids escape from their imprisoning sick bubble to traverse the odd institution they're trapped in (I guess the lack of actual sexual contact was what snuck it through, but still... ewww. Dirty old men would probably have a field day with this one)
• Some kid being forced to screw a cat after losing a bet. Brings new meaning to various lyrics from "I'm Too Sexy"
• Some kid willingly screwing a side of beef and then strangling his grandfather through some weird chimney contraption as the old man takes a bath

Upon consideration, I guess lesbian cum child hooker isn't all that weird after all, against this sort of backdrop...

·December 12/02 12:57 AM So anyway, now that all that's done with, time to actually follow through with my promises of updates. Rant, Train of Thought, Dumb Customer stories, and Haikua are all on the platter for the next couple days, and I really will get them up, starting with the Haikua, which I've been sitting on for the requisite week.

And what an annoying week. First, two essays to kill off, including my bane essay, which very nearly defeated me (and may yet succeed, since the history department where I handed it in seems to lack a mailbox for my professor, leading me to believe that he may be not only an anachronism from the 50s, but actually on leave from that decade as part of some vast time travel conspiracy designed to bring institutionalized and subconscious racism back to the future, where I can only assume those people back then figured was where it belongs) an arduous task that culminated in me returning books to the library at 4:30 AM and then writing a test five hours later without benefit of clergy - or sleep. Fortunately, my cheatin' spoon saw me through that one, but ugh... Don't try this at home, kids.

Following this funpile, I have now worked six days straight, bringing me closer to my one true love - greasing the skids for dumb bitches to slide in one end of Leon's and out the other. Which brings us to our first update: Dumb customers!

·November 26/02 1:30 AM Three essays. Four days. Am I a bad enough dude? Time can only tell, but unfortunately, it means I break my promise of rant yet again. Apologies.

·November 21/02 11:12 PM Yuck. My school's freaking library decided it would be a fun idea to close at 11 today instead of 12 like it usually does, which irritates me somewhat since I needed some books for research. I took them out, so there's no real harm done in the end, but I dunno... There's just something nice about sitting in a library frenziedly going through a giant stack of ancient books in search of quoteworthiable material, as opposed to doing so in the comfort of your own home.

The essay in question, incidentally, is for my Japanese History course, which I may have skipped a time or fourteen in a row. Quite an auspicious streak, to be sure, but I had some reason. The prof came off as an unintentionally racist old screwball who was lecturing more from personal perspective than from any historical... qualification, I guess. By and large, he hasn't really done anything to dispel this notion, but at least he's no longer saying things like "There's only three races... Caucasiod, NE-groid, and Mongoloid". Of course, his lectures do still consist of Grandpa Simpson-style rambling, so it's not much of an improvement, but at least he seems a little less evil now. Okay, best to be writing me an essay now. Rant on the weekend, hopefully.

·Nov. 20/02 11:42 You know who's great? Tom Golisano. First he puts up two months of horrible election ads that feature him sitting stonily faced as he piously declares he won't be spending money on anything, which is a real good way to win people over to your way of thinking (vote for me! I won't do jack shit for you!), and now he loses the battle to buy the crappiest team in hockey, the Buffalo Sabres. You gotta love chronic failures :)

Now that's just frightening. I opened a playlist and it went right to the song I was thinking of. Kinda like what happened when I wernt out for food today. I was thinking that maybe if I gave one homeless guy some money, another that I hadn't seen would show up. Yep, it's a good day for random prescience in the crackhouse.

·November 20th, 2002:Hopefully, things will become readable across my site before too long. This doesn't mean I'm abandoning my commitment to garish colours. Far from it; however, when faced with my Cantonese movie reviews or dumb customer transcripts, I have to admit that I've been unkind to your eyes over the past two and a half years. So the old stuff will probably remain unconverted for nostalgia's sake (save the movie reviews, which I intend to both add to and convert) and the new stuff, whenever it appears, will be a kindler, gentler brand of fun.

Okay then. Down to specifics- I finally went ahead and did what I said I was going to do, which is toss this thing up from the mothballs I've stored it in for so very long. What I intend to do is to gradually convert all my content to this new format, which will be a lot better for updating purposes. There will, however, be a few changes:

• First, the Run-on story is gone for the time being unless activity picks up around here to the extent that I can warrant putting it back.
• Second, MS images will only be available during the time their respective update is current. This is because they take up way too much space.
• This index will now serve in more of a blog fashion, and I'll even archive it and stuff! I can tell you're excited.

So that wasn't a very big list, now was it? Yay for me. Okay, so poke around if you want. It's still the same old crap, but hey- At least it looks somewhat new now.

·(Nov.19)Good grief... almost two years? Well... no, I just messed up the year. Nevertheless, I apologize sincerely to the few, the devoted, who still come here... There will be updates. As for any RPGamers happening upon the page... Yeah, it needs work. So sue me... You shoulda known what you were getting into with my bio page : )

BONUS INDEX HAIKUA SPECTACULAR

Runny nose, cold hands

Products of winter's chill winds

Someone kill Jack Frost!