*****  An anthropological treatise
             on the care and feeding of gazoos *****
    Picked up and pasted from the PB with permission from the writer

 Maverick says:
    (Sun Jun 28 00:45:23 1998 207.79.35.184)
  Here's my Tribute to Gazoo (you may use non-comm with attrib).

    (Part of this information was gleaned from the National Geographic Special,Inonsiderate Animals of the High Plains Savannahs--AnimalsThat Do Not Contact Their Mothers Weekly")

    Gazoos are actually antedeluvian and have, in fact, been seen carrying picket signs in various protest marches against the deluvians. And they are also antebellum, but as far as we know, have never objected openly to bellums.

    Gazoos emerged from the oceans during the Jurassic period and took their place in the sun of our ancestors, but then, when they freckled,they went back into the water. Soon, though, wearing bonnets, they did begin to walk the face of the earth but quickly decided they liked the nose area because they could use it as a slide and also they liked the way it smelled. Warning: when gazoos found out they were classified as amphibians, they took this as a license to phib, so you really can'tbelieve anything a gazoo says.

    Our gazoo, without his traditional wrist corsage, is a happy blend of man and  machine; in other words, the question arises, could it be of the feminine persuasion? Certainly it likes its tummy rubbed far too much to be entirely, generically male. Okay, let's be totally indelicate here and speculate upon what our gazoo packs in its Calvins. On any given night at the Bronze gazoo spends twice as much time in the ladies's room as it does in the men's so we are drawn to the conclusion that it is male. And then there is the infamous picture pinned to gazoo's wall inside the jukebox. The picture shows a skinny woman in a leopard-skin hat and suit and with cat's-eye glasses. It is signed, mysteriously, "Thanks for a wonderful night of love, Edith Prickley." My money's on our gazoo being a male it because we know E.P. is all woman.

    Our gazoo seems to thrive here at the Bronze. Its only natural enemies are the cleaning people who will sometimes throw out one of its meals before it is finished. And the only thing it truly fears is the vacuum cleaner. Heavy on the plus side, one of our good-hearted regular patrons has baked it chocolate goodies, and also it receives a steady stream of foreign money through the mail. Everyone enjoys ourgazoo, a charming conversationalist. Occasionally it will engage in flights of fancy that will be devastatingly insightful; other times, though, it can be so dense that, as an observable phenomenon, gazoo can bend light and has actually set off the Bronze Singularity Alarm. Lately, and this surprises no one, gazoo has begun a second career as a model for the soon-to-be-ubiquitous"lurk 'n' post, gazoo" doll. This cute, fuzzy little item is currently being test-marketed as a bed-timebuddy (sleeping companion) for pre-pubescent   Canadian children, replacing hockey sticks.

    By the way, that other item in the jukebox--that instrument-looking contraptionwith the eyepiece--the thing gazoo sometimes will study intently for long periodsof time, turning it over and over in its pawswhile scratching its head (we're toldby the cleaning people that it sometimes leaves a small pile of dandruff after doing this)--is a navigational device called a sextant.

    In summary, surely the Bronze would be a drab place without our friend and mascot gazoo, the self-styled jukebox paladin, but watch your diction should you wish to voice this sentiment in its presence because not only is gazoo modest and practices self-defecating (it's all that chocolate) humor, but, and this is another clue as to itsgender, gazoo does not like to be called Shirley.

Maverick

  And from the "Bronze Biographer":
Angle Man says:
    (Tue Jul 14 20:42:35 1998 130.63.184.64)

       The Gazoo was first seen lurking in the florida Everglades descriptions werehazyat best, Gazoo had a talent for music, and tried for a singing career. SadlyGazoo found out it's name was already Copyrighted by Hanna Barbera, Gazoo was stubborn and refused to change his name, about to lose the court case HB changed the character's name to the Great Gazoo, and it worked. "Who wants to see a Non-Great Gazoo?" The audience asked. Dejected Gazoo returned to Florida. After several violent incidents the USPS needed something to improve it'simage a mascot was the chosen idea, and after an extensive search the USPSdecided against Bitey the Dog and Slowpoke the Turtle and chose Gazoo. Now making appearnces at post offices nation wide Gazoo gets payed in chocolate, which he donates to all the beautiful women who crave it. In it's spare time Gazoo keeps up it's love of music by maintaing the Bronze Jukebox.

Angle Man

Click here to see the gazoo doll page

Click here to see gazoo's dingoes     Click here to see gazoo's Timeline

Click here to check out the Bronze Jukebox

Click here To go back to the PB

(the Apollo "Bronze", no frames)