Reset 1/27/99
We now have a large Japanese following:
Two scoops of lesbian on every page
Now with more lesbians than any other page. Except for those full blown lesbian pages, now that's a lot of lesbians.
"Click My Butt to Enter!"
Best review of 1999:"I've never seen so much sin in one place."
Second best review of 1999:"You aren't punk. Actually, even I challenge the notion to feel as such. But
I'm 37, and was back home in Devonshire, UK, in '77 with Scrawl and the original Wanksters label, and have at least learned to understand the seed was a seed then, and a weed later. Mainstream fucking weeds, all of you. Punk as a term didn't exist when PUNK was a way to be. Need a life? Fine. Why not try to be real? Set something in motion, man, CREATE something other than a web site exploiting a past moment/place in time. PUNK is about creating outside of the loop, man. You are like a John Lennon groupie. Typical American narcissicm has you hearing your words, seeing your image in the mirror, perpetuating a static look and feel for life, and calling your site PUNK. Oh, please. Your mommy knows better than you what it is to be out of the loop.."
Quote of the month-January: "I have an inverted penis, isn't that's sexy?" Thanks Amy
Quote of the month-February: "I'm getting eaten out by Hulk Hogan" Sluggo while watching balding porno actor
Quote of the month-March: "What you kids need to do is get a cold sandwich and get laid."Chrissie Hynde in Sluggo's dream
Quote of the month-April: "I hope Steve Case accidentally fucks his mother."First line from a poem by Peach
Quote of the month-May: "If it winks, it stinks."Spanky on how to judge an anus
Quote of the month-June: "It's all her fault for buying all that wacky fruit."Friend of ours explaining why a coworker was bitten by a wierd spider in her house.
Quote of the month-July: "This guy touches little boys and you can't convince me otherwise."Reach referring to Jack "The Star Hustler" Horkhimer(spelling?)
Quote of the month-August: "I think I'm technically married to my vibrator...common law."Reach's friend Kristie
Quote of the month-September: "That chick needs to get her teeth shortened."Spanky referring to the large teeth on a porno star
Quote of the month-October: "Fukui-san."Ota from Iron Chef (the best show ever)
Quote of the month-November: "Do you need to use the F-word all the time."Sluggo getting yelled at by Skeletor at a hockey game.
Quote of the month-December: "I'm going to wear a white robe so it will look good when I puke."BKB on his New Years attire.
Here are a few letters from our satisfied visitors
"I feel like a new man. Even though I am over 70, my body and mind are like 49 again. My wife really enjoys the Chronic Masturbator. We both thank you for a wonderful product." -E. Braun, Wisconsin
"Last year my health was not good. My sex life just went away. After reading the Chronic Masturbator for only two weeks, my interest was back! Now, my sex life is alive and well. With so many zines making so many claims, I'm very happy to find one that really works!" -J. Wilson, Montana
"I am 45 years old and had a hysterectomy 20 years ago. Since I've been reading the Chronic Masturbator, I no longer experience the dryness that my doctor told me would be normal as I got older. I have an enhanced sexual desire and enjoy the newfound sexual and sensual feelings without having to worry about dryness. I also feel less stress since reading your zine." -K. Kewish, Arizona
"The potency and benefits of the Chronic Masturbator became apparent withing two weeks of reading it. I am now able to have frequent erections coupled with an emotional intimacy with my lady friend that resulted in a 2 1/2 hour, non-stop sexual experience with three orgasms-all at age 65!" -D. McGrath, California
If you are into any of the following - high class fashions, sledding, pick-up trucks, anyone with the last name Gordon, any band with 3 or more members who do not play instruments (including the Backdoor Boyz, In-Sink, and any other flavor of the month bands that I will not even take the effort to remember), anything labeled lite n easy, songs over two and a half minutes long, or sipping cocoa by the fire with your significant other, then please click here. We do not really think you would be interested in this site.
But, if you are into any of the following - big tits, cheap beer and cheaper women, fast, angry in your face punk rock, pornos, video games, tattoos, or B-movies then this is the shit for you.
You can expect all of this and more in this little nugget of perversion. You see, none of us who are donating our time to this have any lives so all we know is alcohol, pornography, and TV. We can only hope that there are other people out there just as pathetic than us. Ladies, we would also appreciate any nude pictures of yourself. If you're a guy you can send naked pictures of your mom, girlfriend, or sister, but don't send a naked pictures of yourself unless you happen to be hung like a light switch, we don't need to feel any more inadequate than we already do. They would have to be through e-mail because we sure as shit ain't giving out our address.
to visit this site.