"The Guiding Light For The Days Of Our Young And Restless Lives"
(The Oasis Soap Opera)

Anticipated to go on endlessly (just like the soaps), this is gonna be something like the interactive movie, except it's a soap opera. ; ) The three soaps I'm most familiar with are "Days of Our Lives", "The Young and the Restless" and "Guiding Light," but any soap that you guys watch (preferrably American) is fine. Just stick Oasis and people associated with them in for the characters and send in your soaps.



Here's a parody of "The Young And The Restless," sent in by Bee
OPENING SEQUENCE
(Y&R theme otherwise known as Nadia's Theme)
The Newman family appear and each one does the classic half-turn. Then there's Noel, who half-turns, grins and gives a thumbs-up. Next, we see Liam (shades on, looking kind of unkempt) who half-turns, smirks and gives the "V"; Bonehead, hair (hehe) slicked back, wearing a tux, half-turns; Alan turns and smiles shyly; Guigsy is standing still and just stares.
WELCOME TO: THE RICH YOUNG AND THE WHINING RESTLESS
SETTING: THE NEWMAN RANCH
The rich and powerful Newman family is having a little get-together at the enormous Newman Ranch to celebrate Nicholas "MyBoy" Newman's birthday. The guests are among the most influential people in Genoa City. The great business-tycoon Victor Newman has hired his son's favorite band to play at this all-important event. The waiters are adding the last touches to the food and decorations before the guests arrive. A crash and loud voices are heard coming from the kitchen and Miguel, the Newman's loyal slave-servant, is rushing to inform Victor that some strange people are pawing through the Newman's well-stocked bar. The great Victor walks in and is greeted by a set of reddened blue-eyes and a "where's the fookin' G&T, old man? Nothin' here but all these bloody fancy wines." "No problem, they will do," says another voice coming from someone whose head is inside the liquour cabinet. Victor looks around and sees three other guys slumped around the kitchen. Thus, Victor is introduced to Oasis. Victor, by this time, is quite alarmed and just about to call security when Nicholas, who is there with his clueless wife Sharon, spots the band. Nicholas is so excited to have booked Oasis for his party (secretly, he had wanted a double bill featuring Hanson and Puff Daddy but Christine Williams had already beaten him to it). "It's really great to finally meet you, guys. Really great," he flashes one of his toothy grins. "Yeh, really great," Noel says, to himself adding, "fookin' stoodent." "Hey Nichol-ass," Liam smirks, "cum and be a good kid an' help us set up er equipment, will ya?" Nicholas eagerly sets up the band's things while the band sits close by chugging the cans of lager they brought along. Liam, meanwhile, is whining to Noel for accepting to play a gig at some rich #@%&* brat's party. "Shut up, ya wanker," Noel retorts, "I, unlike you arse-hole, see the bigger scheme of things. That is why today we are some of the richest blokes in the world." "Yeh, and that's why we are playing kiddie house parties, eh?" Liam sneers and smacks Noel on the head. As the boys begin arguing, Nicki Newman (one of Victor's ex-wives, Nicholas' mom) walks in and is introduced to the band by a very polite Whitey. Nicki quickly eyeballs Bonehead and starts flirting with him. Guigsy just stares. The guests start to arrive. The first are Christine (aka Cricket aka The Bug) Williams and her husband Paul. Tagging along with them, as always, is Christine's ex-hubby local rock star Danny Romalotti. Danny immediately goes over to meet the band. "I am a musician myself," he tells them, "you know, I had a Top Ten Hit a while back." Noel: "Yeh?!, well, we've only had 3 platinum records, singles in the U.K. and U.S. Top Ten, loads of awards piling up, 10 million adoring fans and a billion pounds. So big deal, now get out of here, you sad loser!" Cricket admonishes the lads on their rude behaviour and foul language. The boys laugh and tell her to @#&* off (by now, we can hear the cheers going up in every household watching this). More guests start to arrive: Neil and Drucilla Winters, Jack and Ashley Abbott, Jill Abbott, old rich lady Katerine Chancellor, office tramp Grace Turner, Malcolm and Olivia Winters (totally related to the other couple), Ryan McNeil, the Dennison brats and everyone else who is anybody in GC. The last to arrive is Nicholas' sister Victoria and her husband Cole. She sends Cole away to get some drinks, sweep the floor, make sure the guests are comfy, etc. and zeroes in on Liam. Vicky (seduction plan at hand): "OHHH, I just love your records! You are the greatest band of all time, better than the Beatles. In fact, you remind me a bit of John Lennon." Liam: "Just a bit?! Get out of my face, you stoopid cow! You don't know anything!" Vicky: "I'm soooo sorry, you are right how could I be so stupid?!" Liam: "Durn right yo are! Go back to yer closet and play yer bloody Blur records." Vicky: "But I also think that you are God's gift to music! I mean, you are OASIS, the greatest rock and roll band ever and you are just about the best singer there ever was!" Liam ponders this for a moment and decides to forgive the brat. After a while (and a couple of G&T's for Liam), he and Vicky seem to hit it off, as do Nicki and Bonehead. The rest of the band start tuning their instruments. Victor walks by and looks at Noel. "Sonny boy, you are not allowed to smoke those things here." Noel, who is holding his pre-gig joint, quickly hands it to Guigsy, who, in one inhale, finishes it off. "Gotcha, mate," he winks at Victor, who just glares and walks off. Noel looks at Guigsy and comments, "That bloke isa bit uptight, inne?" But Guigsy is off once again to Happy Land. Nicholas hops on the stage and cheerily introduces the band. The guests start clapping but Noel realizes that Liam and Bonehead are missing and that the gig is about to begin. He rolls his eyes and starts cussing out Liam, "You did it to me AGAIN, YOU ******! ONCE again I will have to perform the bloody gig meself." But since Bonehead is also missing, he nevertheless starts getting nervous.
Where are Liam and Bonehead?
How will the gig turn out?
STAY TUNED....

Here's the second half of Bee's Oasis/Y&R parody
OPENING SEQUENCE
When we left off...
Nicholas introduces the band and all eyes are on the stage. Noel is kinda worried and very ticked off because Liam and Bonehead are missing. Just when he is about to start on an acoustic guitar version of "What's The Story (Morning Glory)," the emergency song for all those Liam disappearing acts, both Liam and Bonehead walk in (in typical soap opera cliffhanger solution). They had been outside smoking and enjoying some G&T's. They hop onto the stage and start their gig. We see everybody singing along, jumping up and down and clapping in the Newman's ranch house. Victoria is sending Liam flirtatious looks, but then, so is old lady Katherine. The show is going well until Noel starts singing "Magic Pie." While he sings, Liam, looking distracted, starts making annoying sounds and plays his tamborine at the wrong beat. The Other Three look at each other nervously because they know what's coming up next. They've been through this so many times before. Noel tries his darndest to ignore Liam until the tamborine hits him in the head. He, then, stops the song midway through and lunges towards his brother. They roll on the floor kicking, punching, and cussing at each other. The others keep playing the song. Nicholas looks at his guests and tells them not to be alarmed since it's all part of the show. The brothers quit their horsing around and, while Liam stops his nosebleed, Noel sings the last song. The Newman's guests cheer and clap, etc. "You were GREAT!" Nicholas enthuses. "Twanks," Liam says, while he's holding a napkin to his nose. "I am...uh, WE are always great!" Noel says and accepts the champagne tray Miguel offers to him. "Please join me and my guests," Nicholas says. "Help yourselves to whatever food and drink......you want." Nicholas doesn't even finish his sentence before the band members load up on hors d'ouvres and beer. Vicki walks up to Liam and seductively puts her hand on his shoulder. "Hey, Liam, that was just too cool. Listen, would you like to dance with me?" Liam thinks about it. "Oh, I dunno. Me Patsy'll be upset if I don't call her tonite. Haven't talked to her in three weeks and she'll feel like I'm neglecting her. But..she's probably too busy spending all me money on some friggin' expensive clothes that she'll only wear once to really miss me. Oh, what the 'ell!!" He follows Vicki onto the dance floor. Whitey is already on the dance floor happily bopping along with Jill Abbott. Noel is finishing his 4th glass of champagne when Bonehead and Nicki, who is holding his arm, walk up to him. Bonehead: "Guess what, Noel? Mrs. Reed-Newman-Abbott-Landers, er, Nicki here invited us all to spend a couple of weeks here at the Newman Ranch. Her husband is away at the moment at some medical convention and she could use the company. So what do ya say?" He sends Noel a don't-spoil-it-help-me-out-here-mate look. Noel: "Stay here?! Are you nuts? We are in the middle of nowhere. It's so cold out here my arse is about to freeze off!" Bonehead (nervously): "Yeh, but we would all be inside, mate." Noel: "I dunno...I mean, we've got to do a real tour and stuff. Plus I gotta think about me Meggie and...OW! Why did you kick me fer?" Bonehead: "We could use the time to write songs for our next record. Are you listening to me, Noel? I never ask much. We NEED some time ALONE!" Noel: "What the hell are you talking ab...? Ohhh! Oh yeh, right, uh...umm. OK, I'll just call Meg to let her know. A couple of weeks would do us ALL good." Bonehead and Nicki head outside and walk around the ranch a bit. The night is crisp, clear, beautiful, and cold as hell. This gives Nicki and Bonehead a perfectly good excuse to walk close to each other. They stop close to the edge of the woods. Nicki is standing close to a big tree and pouts her lips invitingly. Bonehead leans forward, when they both feel that they've just stepped on something strange. Bonehead takes out his keychain flashlight and sees something that resembles a piece of dry fur. Nicki: "Oh Paul, what is it?" Bonehead: "I dunno, let's take a closer look." They bend down and he pans the ground with the flashlight to reveal the remains of a dead animal. Nicki: "Oh my God!! It's Bingo! No wonder I hadn't seen him and this explains why his food bowl hasn't been touched for a while. I remember now. It was such a long time ago. I took him out for a walk, but I was thinking of a way to get Hope out of Victor's life so I tied him to this tree so I could go off and think for a while, and I finished my walk alone. No wonder I felt I had forgotten something that day! Oh my poor, poor, dear, sweet Bingo! Paul, you have to promise me that you won't ever tell my kids. They loved Bingo so much and if they ever found out it would break their hearts. They would never forgive me!" Needless to say, Bonehead is left quite speechless. Just then, they hear someone running towards them. Alarmed, they try to cover Bingo up before anyone else sees what's become of the family pet. "Mrs. Landers! Mrs. Landers! Where are you?" a voice calls out. Nicki: "It's Miguel! I wonder what he wants?" To Miguel: "Here we are!" Miguel: "Mrs. Landers, you have to come quickly! I have just received a most alarming phone call!" Nicki: "Oh no! My AmEx gold card was not accepted at Donna Karan!" Miguel: "No! No! It was from the Genoa City Hospital. Your husband has just been taken there and he's in a coma!"
What has happened to Josh Landers?
Will Bonehead take advantage of this?
Will the band survive the Wisconsin cold?
STAY TUNED......



"The Guiding Light For The Days Of Our Young And Restless Lives" ("The Oasis Soap Opera") is a product of *InSaNe EdItOr PoSsE, iNc.* ©, a subsidiary of KoRn KrEw: ThE sKaTeRz UnIoN ©, and is written and created exclusively by whatsthestory & morningglory - BBH Editors, unless otherwise specified. ©1997, 1998

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