Note: this page may take a while to load, because there are so many graphics, but it's worth it, I promise. :o)
This page is always under construction,when I feel like making updates,I do.
If you've been here before, you may have seen a lot more text on this page than what's on here now. There was a list of all of the boys I've liked, since 9th grade. I thought posting them on here would help me to get rid of all of my demons, clear the skeletons out of my closet.. but I realized, a few words posted on a web page no one ever sees is not important. Like what I'm typing right now, I bet no one but a few people will ever read it. I was going to make a new page, with a few conversations that I have had with a certain asshole bitch mofo named Matt.. but if I did that, I would be sinking to his level and I definitely don't want to do that. Even if I describe the events and dialogues that went on between us, I seem more pathetic then him. I was prepared to give something up to him, that I've had my entire life, that I could never, ever get back. I was prepared to commit fully to him, even though he wanted nothing to do with me. My actions toward Matt, and involving the entire "Matt" situation were very, very stupid. My assumptions about his feelings toward me were completely wrong. I assumed that by him saying that he was "NOT not interested" that he WAS interested. He never promised me anything, just said that I must understand that he couldn't "promise any hope of a meaningful relationship". Silly me, I thought that meant we could at least have some sort of relationship. I have found something out recently though. Matt was nothing. He was not special at all. He was just like millions of other boys out there. He was a jerk, rude, obnoxious, and a bastard. I don't know why I fell so hard for him. I don't know why I was going to give up to him what I almost did. I think it's because I needed love. I wanted to feel loved so badly, that I chose the first boy I could find. Sure, he was somewhat interesting, and mildly witty. He had awesome music taste.. but that's it. He is nothing to mourn over. During the time I knew Matt, he dumped me twice, without us ever dating. At the time, I thought my heart was broken. I came to see that only my ego was a little bruised. He is the one with problems, not me. For him to throw away such a wonderful person (me of course) only proves his ignorance.
Now it seems like I have too many graphics for this page, because there isn't as much text between them, but I still like them so I'm going to leave them alone for now.
Another person that used to be on "the list" that used to be here is Jason. Jason is still on my mental list. I like him a lot and he knows it. He has a girlfriend. She lives pretty far away, and seems kind of.. mean. She has a problem with his race. Jason's black, the chick is white. They've been together for a while now I think, and I don't believe she deserves him. Actually, I don't believe that I deserve him either, so what does that tell you? He will probably be mad at me for saying all of this stuff, but it's how I feel. I don't know his g/f.. I've never spoken to her, anything.. I just know how he acts and what he says about her. I like Jason a lot. He is very cool, funny, sweet.. he has a kick ass accent.. he's smart and just an over all awesome person. I would really like to umm.. date him... but I must be content to just be a friend. Even if he and his g/f were to break up, I don't think that he would want to go out with me. I would rather have Jason than Matt, I would have chosen him over Matt even before Matt proved himself to be an ass again, but I know the chances of me ever actually having Jason are slim to none. Then again, I'll never have Matt either, so it doesn't matter. I know that I'm also going to send Jason back to this page so he can read this stuff. I also know that I will be soooo embarrassed when he does. I can't help it. It's all part of my sub-conscious plot to self-destruct, or something like that.
I'm also TERRIFIED OF CLOWNS AND SPIDERS!!!!
Links to other sites on the Web
Jon T's page..funny as hell.
Brad's page
Matt F's page
Matt H's page. sad for me to read. i cry everytime.
NEXT PAGE!!!!
I'm not sure where my fear of clowns comes from. I think it may be because I read "IT" by Stephen King when I was in 2nd grade, and also because there used to be a really scary clown at this car wash near my house..
Other things I've been obsessed with.... um... I was obsessed with AOL, but my account got cancelled. Now I'm into ICQ and different chats all the time.
I guess now I'll talk about some of my tendencies, not really obsessions. I have a tendency to crush on boys at the first sign of attention *see above*. I have a tendency to drive too fast. I have a tendency to forgive anyone for anything. I have a tendency to skip first period. I have a tendency to stay up late at night, online, then sleeping really late. I have a tendency to do things I really regret, that really embarrass me, like I'm doing now with this page. *EEEEK*
© 1998 damnedgirl@hotmail.com
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I deleted ALL of the updates too.
This page is my property. :o) thanks for keeping it that way. ;o) hehehehehe.
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