6. What not to name your dog:
Everyone who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call mine "Sex". Now "Sex" has been very embarrassing to me. When I told the clerk I would like to have a license for "Sex". He said, "I'd like to have one, too." Then I said, "But this is a dog". He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "But you don't understand. I've had "Sex" since I was nine years old." He said I must have been quite a kid. When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for "Sex". He said every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand. "Sex" keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me, too." One day I entered "Sex" in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have "Sex" in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand", I said. I had hoped to have "Sex" on TV." He called me a show-off. When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had "Sex" before I was married." The judge said, "Me, too". Then I told him that after I was married, "Sex" left me. He said, "Me, too." Last night "Sex" ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at four o'clock in the morning." I said, "I am looking for "Sex"." "MY CASE COMES UP ON FRIDAY"
5. The Four Surgeons:
Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first one said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered." "I think librarians are the easiest," said the second surgeon. "When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered." The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are color coded." The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and butt are interchangeable."
4. Things to ponder in life:
1. Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? 2. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? 3. If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? 4. If buttered toast always lands buttered side down,and cats always land on their feet, what would happen if you tied a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat? 5. If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days of the year, why do they have locks on the doors? 6. Why do they put Braille dots on the dey pads of the drive-up ATM machine? 7. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? 8. Why are there floatation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? 9. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? 10. How does the guy who drives the snow plow get to work? 11. If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan? 12. If you're driving at the speed of light and you turn on you headlights, what happens? 13. You know hwo most packages say "open here"? What should you do if the package says "opn somewhere else"? 14. Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? 15. Why is it that when you transport something by car it's called a shipment, but when you trasport something by ship it's called cargo? 16. You know that little indestructible black box that's used on airplanes? Why can't they make the whoe plane out of the same substance? 17. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for and address,you turn the radio down? 18. Why don't sheep shrink in the rain? 19. Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together? 20. What does Geronimo scream when he jumps out of a plane? 21. If fire fighters fight fire, and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight? 22. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? 23 Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?