©1975 Anthony Tanoury

She was beautiful. My heart skipped beats every time I touched her. I could not wait to see her. I experienced many sleepless nights thinking about her, but now she is gone. I traded her in for a 1975 Chrysler Newport. I really had no choice. My actions were inevitable. Leaving her was very traumatic; after all, she was a bright metallic bronze 426 HEMI Charger. Now I own a Chrysler Newport that is boring, unenticing and very unassuming.

Driving the Newport is so comfortable it almost puts me to sleep. In the HEMI I was able to feel the power rumble beneath me. I could detect the harsh bumps of every crack and crevice in the road. The HEMI was not very comfortable, however, driving her was as thrilling and rigorous as flying a fighter jet.

The Newport is also very sluggish. Before pulling out into traffic with the Newport, an enormous time cushion is needed. In the HEMI all that was needed was a vacant car length in traffic. Time did not seem to be a considering factor. If a vacant car length was available, the HEMI seemed to jolt into it. It had instant power, and a response which I never doubted.

The handling characteristics differ greatly between cars. I must slow way down before turning corners in the Newport, unlike the HEMI where I could accelerate heavily going into a 90 degree turn. Heart pounding, adrenaline flowing, I would decelerate coming out of the turn. Excitement!

The Newport does not seem the least bit alluring even to car thieves. The HEMI is number two on the theft list. Mine averaged a break in a month, with occasional minor damage being inflicted before the alarm scared off possible thieves. No one seems to be interested in the Newport, not even my insurance company, who immediately dropped my rates as soon as they heard I was buying a Chrysler Newport.

The Newport is also very conservative and inconspicuous. I no longer have law enforcement officials following me everywhere I go. The bright metallic bronze of the HEMI seemed to attract them like magnets. Law officers once followed me home from work, and down ten miles of back roads and side streets. The officers seemed relentless in their pursuit and hopeful I would commit an unlawful maneuver, which never happened. I did, however, on previous occasions, manage to rack up an extraordinary amount of traffic violations. A traffic violation is something I have yet to receive in the Newport.

Cruising Woodward, Gratiot and Telegraph was a sight to behold. The HEMI elephant motor dusted off most of the competition. The only cars that could compete were the 454 or 427 Chevy rats (the elephant loved to eat rats)!

So will I ever own a true love again? Absolutely! As soon as my driving record has a chance to cool down.