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| Prologue Beyond Repair? *Kevin said that we should both keep journals. Actually, he called them ''Diaries of our daily interactions and feelings''. I think that's a nice way to say that we're both crazy and the only way for him to even begin to understand, is if we write it down. He's got a point. It's rather difficult to comprehend. Nikolas and me. Now that I think about it, difficult doesn't quite cover it, either. I think dysfunctional would be a better term. Yeah...dysfunctional....* *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* I'm supposed to describe my feelings, but I'm not feeling anything. Well, that's not exactly true. I am angry. Very angry. Mostly at myself. I made a lot of mistakes. I hurt her. But she hurt me, too. That's what makes me so angry. If we really do love each other, then why can't we stop ourselves from destroying what we so painstakingly built? The truth is that I don't know. So, I'm dedicating myself to this therapy thing to save our relationship. To save our future... *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Gia threw her fork on the floor, her warm brown eyes glaring harshly at Nikolas' tense form. ''Was I supposed to forget!'' ''Gia, please keep your voice down. We're in a public place. There is no reason that everyone needs to know our business,'' Nikolas said crisply, bending over to retrieve the fork. Gia ripped it from his hand and threw it back down on the floor. ''Don't tell me what to do! You have no right!'' she seethed, her voice rising. ''I do find it interesting the way you always make yourself seem the injured party.'' ''I am the injured party.'' ''This time...but I can remember a time when it was the other way around!'' Nikolas said. He pushed his plate into the center of the table. He had suddenly lost his appetite. Gia leaned forward in her chair. She took a quick survey of the lunch crowd at the Port Charles Grille. There were quite a few people staring at them already. Gia rolled her eyes at some woman who was obviously listening to their argument. Hell, she thought, I'll give you something to listen to. ''How long are you going to keep throwing that in my face?'' ''As long as you pretend to be the innocent victim in everything that goes wrong. Take some responsibility.'' ''I took responsibility for what I did. You're the one who can't keep your ****ing dick in your pants!'' she practically screamed. The nosy woman almost fell off her chair. ''Damn it, Gia! Don't you dare make a scene!'' ''You ain't seen **** yet, Baby. It's going to get far worse.'' ''I'm leaving. I will not sit here and let you throw another tantrum. I'm sick of this,'' Nikolas said, waving to the waiter, indicating that he was ready for the check. ''Are you going back to your whore, now?'' ''Shut up, Gia!'' ''What?'' she asked standing up. Her voice was purposefully loud when she said,'' You think everyone in town doesn't already know that Maxie Jones is a freakin' whore just like her mother? You think they don't know that she's barely of age and has already been with you and your brother? You think they don't know that you moved that slut into my bed?'' ''It's none of your business who's in my bed!'' ''I'm your wife!'' ''Not for long!'' he said, pushing her back down in her
chair. ''Nothing happened between me and Juan.'' ''But with Jason?'' ''He was a better lay than you could ever hope to be.'' Nikolas grabbed the edge of the table. He stared at his wife. He was enraged as he replied, ''And you call Maxie a slut.'' ''Actually, I called her a whore.'' ''It takes one to know one. I can't believe I married you. I have spent seven years in hell, but I'm done! It's over.'' Gia dumped her glass of wine in his lap. She stood up, grabbing her purse and flouncing away from the table. Nikolas ran after her. He grabbed her arm and pulled her around to face him. They were standing so close. He felt that familiar pull towards her as the soft scent of her perfume filled his nostrils. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling his lips down to meet hers. They kissed passionately. Nikolas stuck his tongue down Gia's throat. She made soft moaning sounds as her fingers wound around the hair on the nape of his neck. People snickered as their behavior quickly became lewd. He pulled away from her, pushing her out of the restaurant and into the back seat of the Jaguar. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* *I had known for years that we were bad for each other. It's like mixing bleach and ammonia. A bad reaction everytime. So, I think that it was after THAT dinner in particular that I realized how messed up our marriage was. He was sleeping with another woman. I had been unfaithful. We were yelling and always fighting, and still, in one instant, the passion was ignited. When Nikolas is around, I can't keep my hands off of him. Sometimes I'm slapping him. Sometimes I'm ripping his clothes off. But always, we have a connection. Always... *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* *That night at the Port Charles Grille was a turning point for Gia and me. We had made love in the back seat of the car and it was fantastic. That really frightened me. I had made up my mind that our marriage was over. I had allowed Maxie Jones to move in with me, to share my life. And then, in one instant, I can't even remember her name. That's what Gia does to me. She makes me forget everything but her. As I think about it now, I know that I could never divorce her. How do you divorce your soul? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ''We can't do this anymore, Nikolas. This has got to stop.'' ''What?'' Nikolas asked, his hand running down her warm brown flesh.. ''This...I can't just sleep with you and then go back to hating you. I can't watch you strut around town with your teen slut and still let you back into my bed. It hurts, Nikolas.'' ''I know that my relationship with Maxie hurts you. Sometimes, that's the only pleasure I get from it,'' Nikolas replied, averting his eyes and attempting to sit up in the back seat. ''Why does it pleasure you to tear my heart out? Did you ever love me? Even a little bit?'' she asked shakily, a slow tear creeping down her face. ''I love you, Gia! I have done nothing but love you for almost eight years. YOU! I think about you all the time. When you're not with me, rage fills the deepest part of me.'' ''Then why Maxie?'' ''I wanted you to hurt! Do you know that the thought of Juan's hands on your flesh nearly drove me insane? I had to retaliate. I had to..'' ''Nothing happened with Juan!'' ''I don't believe you!'' ''Then our marriage is over. If you can't trust me-'' ''IF I don't trust you, then you certainly should understand why,'' Nikolas launched back, his heart pounding. ''Your affair with Jason shattered all the trust I ever had in you. I tried to get it back, to believe in you, but-'' ''Sarah Webber got in the way, is that it? You sleeping with Maxie, that little fling with Emily, none of that hurt me as much as when you turned to Sarah Webber. I know that the affair with Jason was difficult, but you just left me. You didn't let me explain. And then, after not hearing from you for over TWO WEEKS, you had the nerve to call me from Sarah's bed. It tore me apart to listen to her giggle in the back ground.'' ''We put the relationship back together after that. I thought we were on solid ground.'' ''Maybe *you* were on solid ground. I wasn't. You acted as if I was supposed to be grateful because you forgave me for my infidelity. My feelings about Sarah were of no concern to you.'' ''Sarah has always been a non-issue.'' ''How do you call the mother of your only child a 'non-issue'?'' Nikolas sighed, pulling his shirt from the front seat and forcing his arms through the sleeves. ''Don't do this! Grace is dead, Gia. '' ''I know. I was the one who held your hand when they put that tiny coffin in the ground. I am the one who took care of you in the middle of the night. I stood by you as you mourned a child that wasn't ours. I accepted Grace. You know I did, that I loved her, too. Just because she was yours.'' He held her face in his hands, kissing the tip of her nose. Softly, he replied, ''I know that you loved her. I would never imply that you would use Grace against me.'' ''I want us to be okay, Nikolas. I don't want us to hurt each other anymore,'' Gia cried, her head falling against Nikolas' naked thigh. He gently stroked her hair. ''That's what I want, too. I want to be with you,''
Nikolas agreed, shedding his own tears. ''Only with you.'' |