"Hey, did you trace the phone number? Sure did, Chief. 5-5-5...
aw geez. That's gotta be phony." 157K
"No, you got the wrong number. This is 91...2." 31K
"Never underestimate the appeal of a man in a uniform. [buttons fly
off and gut falls out] Aw yeah." 138K
"Officer: There's a couple of guys fighting at the aquarium,
Chief. Chief: They still sell those frozen bananas? Officer:
I think so. Chief: Let's roll." 64K
"Chief: Hey, hi, can I arrest any of you people for anything?
Homer: No. Chief: Aw, geez, I don't have anything
to do anymore. With Banner around, alcohol and crime are history in this
town, and so am I." 289K
"My asthma's gone! Just hear me breath!" 83K
"No jury in the world's gonna convict a baby. Mmmmaybe Texas." 52K
"Hey Krusty, Krusty, you remember that time we got loaded and set those
beavers loose in that pine furniture store? laughs Aww, memories."
205K
"Well, that settles that. There is no silver tongue, is there Bonesy? [moves
mouth on skeleton] Oh, I wish Chief. With that kinda dough, I could buy
me some eyeballs. Ha ha ha. Well, that's the spirit Bonesy, why don't
you sing a song for the nice people. Alright. Camptown ladies sing their
song. Do da. Do da..." 228K
"Sideshow Bob: But isn't our system of justice based on the
idea that a man can change? Chief: Uh... I'll have the boys
check into that." 153K
"Alright, come out with your hands up, two cups of coffee, an auto freshener
that says Capricorn, and something with coconut on it." 261K
"See you in court, Simpson. Oh, and uh, bring that evidence with you. Otherwise,
I got no case. You'll go scott-free. You know." 149K
"Homer: You know, one day, honest citizens are gonna stand
up to you crooked cops. Chief: They are? Oh, no! Have they
set a date?" 91K
"Oh, isn't that cute, a baby driving a car. And look, there's a dog driving
a bus." 187K
"Ralph:
At least you guys are my friends.... awwww. Chief:
Son, I know just how you feel. You've got a great little girl and the world's
your oyster. Ralph: No dad, she made a fool out of me!
Chief: Hey! Come to think of it she did. Well, she didn't reckon
with the awesome power of the Chief of Police... now... where did I put my
badge? Hey! That duck's got it!... awww c'mom give it back!" 382K
"[phone rings] Marge: Hello? Chief:
Uh, yeah, Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news. Your husband was found DOA.
Marge: Oh, my God, he's dead?! Chief: Oh wait,
I mean DWI, I always get those two mixed up. [Lady walks in] My
name's Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband was DWI. Chief:
Uh, why don't you talk to that officer over there. I'm going out to lunch."
286K
"Marge: Chief, you're getting powdered sugar all over my
floor. Chief: No I'm not. No I'm not. I'm ... um ... dusting
for prints." 84K
"Professor Frink: Here is an ordinary square. Chief:
Wow, wow, slow down, egghead." 44K
"If anything goes wrong, just dial 911. Uh, unless it's an emergency."
120K
"Principal Skinner: And, with a flute up his nose, Ralph
Wiggum. [fluting] Chief: That's some nice flutin',
boy" 68K
"Hey, according to the charter, as Chief Constable, I'm supposed to get
a pig every month." 94K
"Oh my God, it just disappeared. It's a ghost car!" 40K
"Chief: Becoming a cop is not something that happens overnight.
It takes one solid weekend of training to get that badge. Some guy in training:
Forget about the badge! When do we get the freekin guns?! Chief:
Hey, I told you, you don't get your gun until you tell me your name!"
151K
"Taking to Mr. Burns Relax, you got off your nut, so we're sending
you to an old folk's home." 103K
"Ralph: Lisa, you want a bite of my ice cream? Lisa: No thanks
Chief: Send it this way boy. Ralph: Whoops.
Lisa: Awwww Chief: Awwww... nothing gets
chocolate out, see? (shows stain on pants)" 126K
"Eh, just get one of those inflatable women. But make sure it's a women, though. 'Cause one time I ... uh ... " 49K
"Well, your story is very compelling Mr. Jackass ... I mean, uh,
Simpson. So I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter." 286K
Jammin' song at the end of the forged credit card episode. 1,417K
"Chief: Jebadiah Springfield has been replaced with a skeleton!
Historic Museum Owner: No, that's the skeleton of
Jebediah. Chief: Gotcha, gotcha." 69K
"Bart: Take'm away, boys. Chief: Hey, I'm the
Chief here! Bake'm away, toys. Officer: What'd you say, Chief?
Chief: Do what the kid says." 174K
"Chief: Can we make our own movies and enter them? Marge:
Yes. Chief: At last! An excuse to wear makeup!" 123K
"Send him back to mama, boys." 45K
"Lisa: Enjoy Bob Sagat! Chief: Ha, it's Bob
Seger! Aw, crap!" 137K
"[Over CB radio] Marge: My husband is on a murderous rampage!
Over! Chief: Oh, well thank God that's over. I was afraid
there for a second." 71K
"He called me Chief Piggum! [everyone laughs] Oh, now I get it.
laughs That's good." 169K
"What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what... this better be about pizza."
33K
"Answering Machine: Hello, and welcome to the Springfield
Police Department Rescue Phone. If you know the name of the felony being
committed, press 1. To choose from a list of felonies, press 2. If you
are being murdered or are calling from a rotary phone, please stay on the
line." 132K
"Oh my God! Someone's taken a bite out of the big Rice Krispies square!
Oh, yeah, and the waiter's been brutally beaten." 94K
"Okay folks, show's over. Nothing to see here. Shows ... OH MY GOD, A HORRIBLE PLANE CRASH!
Hey everybody, get a load of this flaming wreckage! C'mon, crowd around, don't be shy, crowd around." 93K
"Dr. Hibbert: Well, I couldn't possibly solve this mystery.
Can you? points at camera Chief: After few seconds
Yeah, I'll give it a shot. I mean, you know, it's my job, right?"
122K
"trying to coax Bart out of the school Chief: Aright,
stay in the school, we don't want you to come out. Bart:
You got it. Chief: Damn!" 152K
"Huh, the left tail lights is a little smaller than the right one. Alright,
pull'm over." 39K
"Don't snap my undies." 12K