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You may find on this website that many of the pictures have been 'borrowed' from other sites (and it took me ages to do so). The reason to this lies in the fact that I do not have access to a scanner, digital camera or any other high priced geeky computer gadget that will enable me to do the same thing. Until I do, you'll have to put up with recycled crap...which is better than nothing! Well, at least I don't have a mullet! You should also be grateful that I don't fill up this site with hundreds of pornographic images, all of which would take ages to load up. Ahhh, maybe I'm a nice guy after all!
Welcome to Mullets: Hair Crimes of the Highest Degree. This site is dedicated to increasing awareness on what it probably the worst (or greatest) haircut...ever!
Well, first off, what is a mullet? The answer is simple. A mullet is one of the world's most hideous haircrimes, consisting of short hair (can be spikey, flat, combed, bald etc.) at the front of the head and long hair at the back. The sides are also vital and can either be long or short, although the shorter the better, i.e. increases the fool rating. If you're the smartass that I think you are, and have never come across this type of haircut before, then you'll know that a mullet is also a fish. However, if I were to dedicate a site to the virtues and wonders of this glorious water-dweller, along with a cute picture of me cuddling my favourite mullet (the fish of course), then I would be very sad indeed, almost as sad as running a site on a stupid haircut. Well, OK, you may be laughing now, but when was the last time you looked at YOUR haircut in the mirror floppy fish-like moss-man person??? Don't tell me that you haven't got a mullet...no?....then what is that "ponytail" doing hanging off the back of your head? It's all the rage, eh? Then why is the hair at the front of your head so short? And why the hell do you have the words, "Twat", and "I'm gay and have a mullet", tattooed all over your forehead??? Oh, your "friends" did it to you? Well, well, well, if you're not careful, you'll soon be making a guest appearance on the Mul-list. Who's laughing now...punk???
OK,
now back to what I was saying before I digressed (don't ever mock John
Shaft again!). So then, the question is WHY? Why do people choose to sport
this (ridiculous?) haircut. What drives them? Are they mad? Do they want
to look cool, hip, practical, modern or just a total fool, with no sense
of style? Are they masochists who get kicks from others mocking them?
Do they know what the word 'shame' means? Contrary to what some people
believe, a mullet does not combine the benefits and get rid of the disadvantages
of short and long hair. It does not show two sides to a person; the gentler,
long haired side and the tougher, short haired side. It does not help
people get jobs at McDonald's. It does not help people communicate with
extra-terrestrials. The only benefit I can see of having a mullet is that
it is compulsary if one wishes to appear on something like the Jerry Springer
Show, although it would help more if you also:
a) are currently involved in a sexual relationship with at least one of
your immediate family members,
b) have the fighting skills of a 4 year old girl, and of course,
c) cite The Jerry Springer Show as your favourite TV programme and can
actually relate to 90% of the themes featured.
Basically the mullet is a compromise cut,
one that demonstrates a person's lack of decision-making skills....
"So, what's it gonna be then?"
"Hmm...all right, cut it all off...no, hang on...just give it a trim....no...no...leave
it all on...no....damn....just cut half of it off then..."
"Hahaha, you mean you want a mullet?"
"A what? Ah....just do whatever..."
"Whatever?"
"Yeah..that, that mullet thing you mentioned?"
"What? Short at the front, long at the back?"
"Yes, yes, that's great. One of those."
"*snigger*"
So, if you ever play a game like heads or tails with a person sporting
a mullet, remember to provide the coin, because theirs will most likely
have half-heads/half-tails on both sides.
You may have noticed that the mullet was rife in the WWF and WCW several years ago (there's still a shimmer of evidence today but certainly not as much as there used to be). Why was that? I reckon it's because it enabled the wrestler to have the best of both worlds; that 'cool' (I say 'cool' because I'm being sarcastic. It wasn't very 'cool' actually, it was dumb) barbarian look that Arnie sported in the Conan movies whilst also preventing the hair from getting into the wrestlers' eyes and giving his opponent less hair to grip onto. Then again, maybe all wrestlers back then were trailer park trash who believed that mullets were the way forward...perhaps so. However, these days, the mullet is a dying breed in wrestling. What caused it to fall out of favour? The answer is simple. The fact that the WWF has become THE GREATEST (well, only) piece of sports entertainment ever to grace our TV screens and our stadiums (excuse my sudden outburst of excitement), is due to the fact that somewhere along the line, someone realised that the reason why figures weren't as high as they could have been, bordered on the fact that mullets scared and emotionally scarred young children, as well as the weak of heart. It's true! It's true! It's just like watching the world's scariest movie, The Shining (according to Empire Magazine) for the first time, alone, at night in a deserted cabin, deep inside a sinister forest where the trees are alive. No, really...I'm your true father. Aaaaanyway, seeing as my name's NOT Pablo Bordovski, I've realised that this is in no way a WWF (well, there might be the odd wrestling thing or two) or a horror film site, so I will stop there. Hey, why are you laughing at me for being such a fool? I'm not the one with the Mullet, pretty-boy! You wanna fight? I know kung fu, you know. I've seen enough movies to realise how it's done....
Here is a prime example of a mullet:
As you may already have noticed, this poor innocent lad (or this supreme sex god, according to him, whichever you choose to believe) has the word 'Mullette' in his name (NOAH M-G: "I'M WARNING YOU! DON'T MOCK MEE...AAAARRRRGGGHHH!!"). Ahem..sorry for that little interruption. Let me just go clean my hands and put down this plank of wood........OK, back to business. He's probably a really nice guy (if he isn't then God help us all), but THOSE locks and THAT name have probably resulted in many a mockery in the school corridors. We won't dwell on that fact, as it will all be covered later by Noah himself, if he's still alive.
Some people are very protective about the word 'Mullet', which was originally created by Beastie Boy, Mike Diamond (referring to the hairstyle, not the fish). I don't want to incur the wrath of Khan or any other mullet hunters, so I'm not going to incite any anger by trying to claim this word as my own. However, I will be claiming the words 'Mul-List' (a combination of 'Mullet' and 'List', i.e. a list of people with mullets) and 'Mullette', being a person with a mullet (gender is unimportant). And, if you ain't down with that, or anything else that I have said, then I got two words for ya.....
Some internet afficionados would claim that the secret to a good website lies in the fact that each page can fit snugly into the browser window without the viewer having to scroll down to read the excess text or view the humungous pictures. I've already broken this golden rule so I stop now, yes?
Oh, just one final thing: At times when I feel the need to communicate with Noah Mullette-Gillman on his appreciation pages, I will type in bold in the following colour, OK?
