Stultifying. Soporific. Mundane. Stupid. Average. "Glad I saw it for free." Sucked. Festival of Inanity. These are a few terms that are bantered around when talking about the state of modern mainstream cinema. Why is this so, I wondered? After sitting through yet another waste of millions of dollars in special effects, actors acting really earnestly to stupid scripts, and a story that culled most of its ideas from countless other cinematic disappointments, I decided to put some perspective on the whole sordid situation. Most people fall into 1 of 3 moviegoer categories: 1) Apathetic sheep that willingly fork over $7.50 a pop, watch movie, and immediately upon leaving theater, wonder where the minivan is parked. 2) Innocent rube that thinks movies with cool 80's soundtracks and the latest young actors automatically "rocks." and 3) the jaded film person. That's it, just 3. Hollywood pays millions, many millions of dollars to reap the largest return on it's investment. This is achieved by pandering to category 1 and 2, while knowing category 3 is going to see it just to tear it down. And because of this we have movies like Austin Powers 2, Wild Wild West, Summer of Sam, 8mm, Go, 200 Cigarettes, Godzilla, Independence Day, Scream 2, I Don't Give a Shit What You Did Last Summer, Sphere, Phantoms, Wag the Dog, ad nauseum. We see the exciting previews, tell our friends "Hey, let's go see the latest 100 trillion dollar blockbuster! I saw on, um, Entertainment Tonight, that the actors all actually got drunk for this one scene in a bar! Man!" So, we trudge diligently to the local googleplex, find that perfect seat, and are immediately swept away by fantastic looking previews. Previews that are embryos for the eventual full grown beast that will be playing in 2 months, that will be another disappointment, a promise unfulfilled. Because that's what the previews do. They promise that the movie being previewed will sweep you away in romance, awe you with special effects, and fill you with superlatives that you can relate to your friends and coworkers, so that they too can experience the magic. And so the cycle continues. The trudging, the paying, the sitting, the watching, the shaking of the head afterwards, and for most, the forgetting. I wonder if in other countries, countries that we may look down upon for their "backward" ways, I wonder if the people there amuse themselves with so much tripe. Or do they seek entertainment from different sources? Surely their thirst for all things American has been satiated, at least cinematically, after having seen some of the horrors released from our shores. Perhaps they laugh at us, and resume enlightening activities that we are too busy to embrace. I don't know. I live in the U.S.A. I'm stuck with the googleplex.
If you're wondering what category I fall in, or really don't care, I'll tell you anyway. I am the filmgoer who is fed up with countless, endless disappointments, and hate being pandered to by a clueless Hollywood studio system. Jaded? Maybe, who isn't, really? But I enjoy movies, films, flicks, whatever you want to call them, and it irks me that this art form is going the way of Impressionist painting: a thing to be marveled, but nowadays, really, let's just shit on some plywood and put it in a gallery.
What are the solutions to the modern mess of cinema? Maybe you don't think there's a mess, maybe they're just movies. I'll bet if they were books, you'd think twice about wasting your time reading a 600 pg opus on something you thought would be entertaining or enlightening. "Man, that Con Air book was total shit, I wasted 3 weeks on it!" But since they're 2 hour exercises in futility, we just let it pass. You sit on your ass for 2 solid hours, what you saw was an abomination, and you head for the exit. That's it. End of story, you head back the next week. You know why you head back? Because every once in a while, every so often, you run into a Saving Private Ryan, Titanic, Notting Hill, Blair Witch Project, Shakespeare in Love, Fargo, Out of Sight, Pulp Fiction, etc. And you walk out and think "That was great! Did you see that part where so-and-so did thus-and-such!" and it makes it all worth while. That's why you're able to name 10-20 favorite movies of all time. Over 300 are released to the big screen every year, but you have to think hard to come up with 10 favorites. Now, coming up with the worst is like information overload. Too easy.
Anyway, to make a long rant short, you've got options! One is the Independent Film Channel (IFC). Many great movies play here, with quirky, sometimes odd, but always different views on things. And actually different types of plots, imagine! Or you can do some research before your next cinematic foray, and as the guy in Raiders of the Lost Ark said, "Choose wisely." Also, I seriously recommend something most of the Big-Loud-Noise crowd has overlooked. Old movies. Black and white. Film noir. And don't just rent Casablanca or Gone with the Wind, and say "Yup, checked out them old movies, pretty good, that Gable guy. Oh, and now I know Bogie is more than a score in golf." There's tons of old films out there, from all genres. They're not all great, but Garbo, Dietrich, Hepburn (both of 'em), Spencer T., Cary Grant, Kirk Douglas, etc. usually are a good bet. Either way, I'll bet you never look at another modern day "blockbuster" the same way again. That's all I have to say for now, I guess I have to pack away my overly used opinion for the time being. But like Arnold says, "I'll be back."