<center><h1>The Mall</center><h1>

The Mall

I have over the years, made many a study of malls in Portland OR, and have found one universal and irrefutable fact; they all have great food courts! So if in Portland, be sure to check out our fine selection of restaurants, eateries, and autonomous units for mid-mall snacking.

The proper way to screw around at the mall.

You cant spend more than $10.00 on anything but food.
You must be at the mall for at least 2 hours.
You must talk to at least 2 clerks in the food court
You must have no fewer people than 2, and no more than 3.

Fun Things to do at the mall:

Go into the toy store and play with everything but buy nothing.

Have a clerk get something off of a really high shelf and when they pick it up say you changed your mind and that you want the one on the OTHER shelf.

Find a security gaurd and follow them around all day asking stupid questions and generally irritate them until they kick you out and then give them the most inocent smile you can manage and ask, "What'd I do?"

Run like a bat out of hell into a store and yell out at the top of your lungs, "Are you open on thursday?" if you get an answer, then yell out, "Thank you" and run out of there as fast as you possibly can.

Buy a lot of clothes, sweat in them, return them the next day.

Go to the store that sells soap, ask for some completely obscure scent. If they actually have it, refuse to buy it because it dosen't come in a gecko shaped bottle.

Go to a furniture store, sit on all of the couches, try all of the beds. This works especially well if it's been raining.