Job: student
Usually found: at dotCOM, Salem U, or Marlena's penthouse
Always: flips hair, acts like Marlena, annoys everyone
Never: stops sucking helium
Job: Basic Black executive
Usually found: up Chloe's a$$
Always: defends Marlena, follows around Chloe, lectures everyone, sings poorly
Never: has a logical reason for doing anything
Job: doctor, mercenary, fashion designer, you name it
Usually found: at Marlena's penthouse
Always: squints, raises one eyebrow, says "that's a fact"
Never: loses sexual desire, approaches a situation calmly
Job: police officer
Usually found: at home or the Salem PD
Always: changes his hair for the worse, clenches his teeth
Never: gets a clue until it's too late
Job: waitress
Usually found: at the Brady Pub
Always: worships Marlena
Never: realizes how horrible Marlena is/was to her son
Job: public relations director at University Hospital
Usually found: in Isreal
Always: had bad hair days, wore ugly clothes
Never: had a good hair day, realized that Austin had no brain
Job: photographer
Usually found: in Colorado with his grandparents
Always: was obsessed with "NicTroll" (Nicole), wore tons of eye make-up
Never: washed his hair
Job: police officer
Usually found: up Marlena's a$$
Always: gets in the way, makes hollow threats, says "git da hell outta here"
Never: shuts up, gets plastic surgery
Job: employed at University Hospital (never seems to go to work though)
Usually found: at her apartment
Always: plots and schemes, wears revealing clothing with zero support
Never: covers her cleavage
Job: bartender
Usually found: at the Brady Pub
Always: sounds like a leprechaun, worships Marlena
Never: realizes how horrible Marlena is/was to his son
Job: none
Usually found: in the Supreme Leader's prison
Always: plotted against Marlena
Never: gave up on trying to get John
Job: criminal
Usually found: missing in action
Always: had gigantic bags under his eyes
Never: lost weight
Tony DiMera (played by Thaao Penghlis)
Job: none
Usually found: at the DiMera mansion
Always: goes into a trance and repeatedly says the word "Mollayna"
Never: gets a real tan, gets a restraining order against John
Job: none
Usually found: at the hospital or Salem Place
Always: b*tches at Jack, b*tches about Jack to everyone, b*tches in general
Never: benefits from Marlena's therapy, realizes what a hypocrite she is
Job: doctor
Usually found: upstairs reading
Always: had that denture cream smile plastered on her face
Never: gets mentioned on the show anymore
Job: Basic Black executive
Usually found: at the Kiriakis mansion harassing people
Always: gasps and groans, dresses in business suits around the house
Never: gets what she wants
Job: none
Usually found: somewhere other than with his parents
Always: does and says annoying things
Never: is played by an actor who can act their way out of a paper bag
Job: doctor, teacher at Salem U
Usually found: in the basement of the DiMera mansion
Always: knows how to perform every surgical procedure known to man
Never: gets a life
Job: housewife
Usually found: at home
Always: acts fake, turns into Princess Gina Von Amberg randomly
Never: has breast reduction surgery, realizes that her and Bo's house is actually Jennifer's old house
Job: RA at Salem U
Usually found: at Salem U
Always: has been hated by all Days viewers
Never: existed on Days before April 2002
Job: maid/nanny
Usually found: invisible
Always: took care of Brady and Belle while they were growing up
Never: confronted Marlena about neglecting them to have sex with John all the time
