Learn about the history, buildings, and places before your visit! Familiarise yourself with this wonderful,* clean,* friendly* city!
*Translation: abominable, nauseating, hostile.
THE BROKEN/MENDED DRUM
Quite unique, the Mended Drum. Or the Broken Drum, depending on the previous night's clientele. The beer tastes (if such a word can be used) like mouldy water. You've got more chance of escaping with your life than you have of being served a decent drink. The Mended Drum is so far the only pub to have equal fatalities caused by the drinks and the customers. Going to the Mended Drum may (or probably will) involve one or more of the following:
- Being stabbed
- Losing your tastebuds
- Losing your wallet
- Losing your life
- Backache caused by permanently having to duck down in order to avoid the constant bombardment of sharp metal objects
- Having some form of liquid spilled on you from the rafters by a hyperactive orangutang, followed by a triumphant and blood-boilingly annoying 'oook'.
Apart from that, the Mended Drum is a pleasant place to spend the evening drinking sociably with the other lowlife barflies (if they don't kill you, that is). It is the best pub in Ankh-Morpork, and can be found on Filigree Street. IMPORTANT: However, before you go, you will need these items of equipment:
a) a dagger, axe, sword or crossbow (one of each is ideal)
b) iron armour
c) a snorkel for if the staff throw you in the river Ankh (they will only do this if you are drunk, dead or dead-drunk. Bearing in mind the drinks they serve, there is likely to be little difference between the three).
As a last precaution, watch out for Casanunda, who claims to be the world's hottest lover: he's not. He 's the Disc's shortest idiot.
So, have fun!
river Ankh
The biggest university in the Discworld! Marvel at the pedastal where the statue of Alberto Malich used to be! Laugh at the incompetence of the wizards! Be amazed by the idiocy and stubborness of Mustrum Ridcully! And most of all, never mention the number eig....ack!
Yes, this is the Unseen University, where wizards learn spells and instantly forget them upon saying them. It lies along the river Ankh or thereabouts, and is one of the biggest buildings in the entire city. Founded in AM 1282 by Alberto Malich, it is home to some of the most stupid and incompetent wizards on the Disc.
How useless is it? Well, Rincewind was probably oneof their better students.
A slight rebellion took place when the Music with Rocks in took over the city (and half the Disc, it seems) when the wizards who were there at the time insisted on wearing black, painting their room black and...nope, you haven't guessed it - plucking their nose hairs. Heck, even the Librarian went AWOL at the time. (For anybody who doesn't know what I mean - Absent Without Official Leave. I'm not saying you're thick or anything...but you'd have to be to want to visit Ankh-Morpork. If you're just reading out of interest....then you're probably intelligent. For those of you who do want to visit Ankh-Morpork...there are undertakers on every street corner. They will throw you in the river for the small fee of your life, your money and probably any clothes you are wearing). Anyway, back to the university. It is home to the most famous primate on the entire Disc - the aforementioned Librarian. He used to be human, but was turned into an orang-utan after an unfortunate accident. However, he insisted on remaining the Librarian and has since discarded the use of ladders to reach those higher shelves.
The university has eig...ei..eig...Orders:
- The Ancient and Truly Original Sages of the Unbroken Circle
- The Hoodwinkers
- Mrs. Widgery's Lodgers
- The Ancient and Truly Original Brothers of the Silver Star
- The Venerable Council of Seers
- The Sages of the Unknown Shadow
- The Order of Midnight
- The Last Order (aka The Other Order)
The colour of magic is often seen around the UU. The colour of magic is, of course, the numberbetweensevenandnineth colour of the spectrum, octarine.
There you have it, the UU in a nutcase...er, shell.
Alcemists' Guild
Assassins' Guild
Bakers' Guild
Bandits' Guild
Beggars' Guild
Butchers' Guild
Conjurers' Guild
Dibblers, C.M.O.T.s' Guild
Dog Guild
Embalmers' Guild
Engravers' Guild
Firefighters' Guild
Fools' Guild
Gamblers' Guild
Glassblowers' Guild
Haberdashers' Guild
Handlemens' Guild
Lawyers' Guild
Merchants' and Traders' Guild
Plumbers' Guild
Priests', Sacerdotes' and Occult Intermediaries' Guild
Ratcatchers' Guild
Seamstresses' Guild
Smugglers' Guild
Strippers' Guild
Teachers' Guild
Thieves' Guild
| Death |