HB House The Christmas Special By Cullen Pittman It was Christmas Eve in the town of Yabbadabbaville. Snow was falling from the sky covering the town in a thick white blanket. And we see some of the residents of HB House gathered around outside the house singing Christmas carols. "All right everybody", said Country Cat who had his baton polished up and standing in front of Wally Gator, Jabberjaw, and Sneezly Seal. "If we want to win the prize for the best carolers in Yabbadabbaville, we gotta rehearse big time! Now what song should we start out with?" "How about Yellow Submarine?" said Jabber. "I always loved that song. It reminds me of the sea." "But that's not a Christmas song", said Wally. "Then how about we change it to Red and Green Submarine?" said Jabber. "YUK, YUK, YUK!" "That sounds more like a lettuce and tomato sub without the meat and cheese", said Country. "Who'd wanna eat that?" "How about we sing Jingle Bells?" asked Wally. "That's always been a popular song to little kids, dontchaknow?" But then a strange bat shaped boomerang struck Wally's hat. "What the heck is that?" gasped Wally. "Oops! Sorry! I shouldn't say, heck, during the holiday time!" Country picked the boomerang from Wally's hat and found a note attached to it. He read it out loud. "Dear Christmas carolers. I would prefer it if you wouldn't sing Jingle Bells tonight. Because I just know the temptation will come and you'll end up singing that I smell and my faithful ward will lay an egg. He's very sensitive, you know. So please cease singing that song or else you'll feel my wrath on Christmas Eve." The gang looked up and saw a dark bat-like figure standing on top of the roof looking really mean at them. "WOO WOO WOO!" whispered Jabber nervously as they watched the bat figure shoot out a grappling line and then swing off into the snowy night. Then Country continued reading the note. "PS. Happy Holidays." "At least he was polite about it", said Sneezly nervously. "I guess we can't sing Jingle Bells", said Country. "I know. How about a funny song like, Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer?" Then a pink umbrella struck Country in his hat. They turned around and this time they saw a bunch of dark grandmas giving them the same mean looks. "Sheesh!" groaned Jabber. "I never knew Christmas caroling could be so life threatening!" "How about we sing, Santa Claus is Coming To Town?" said Country. "Any objections?" and everyone ducked their heads hoping no one would strike them. After the count of 10, everyone rose back up. "All right. It's settled then", said Country. "We'll sing Santa Claus is Coming To Town. Everybody ready?" "Sure are", said Wally. "And it's the truth dontchaknow? Kind and jolly Santa Claus always comes to us good people and animals." Sneezly suddenly turned white and silent at the words Wally spoke. "You said it", said Jabber. "If anyone ever does or did anything mean that would make Santa mad. I'd give 'em a right and a left! That'll teach those jerks to disrespect Santa. WOO WOO WOO WOO! Isn't that right Sneezly?" "Uh, yeah", said Sneezly nervously while trying to put on a fake smile. "Hey, what's wrong Sneezly?" asked Country. "You look whiter than a snow rabbit in a Colorado snow bank." "Uh, I guess I'm feeling a little under the weather", said Sneezly. "I guess this cold weather is getting to me." "But you were born and raised in the North Pole", said Wally. "Why is this mild snowfall getting to you?" "Uh, um", stuttered Sneezly. "I guess my body temperature is not used to this lightweight snowfall. Yeah, that's it! Maybe I should go back inside for the rest of the day." "But what about our Christmas carol quartet?" asked Country. "There'll be only 3 of us without you." "Okay, I'll stay here", said Sneezly. "Just try to ignore my sneezing. AH, AH, AHHHHHH!" "NOOOO!" cried the cat, shark, and gator as they put their fingers against Sneezly's nose trying to block the supersonic sneeze. "Uh, why don't you go inside and rest up", said Country. "We insist!" "Oh yeah!" said Wally and Jabber shaking nervously. "Thanks guys", said Sneezly going back inside the house. "And I'm sorry about letting you all down." "Aw, don't worry", said Country. "I know where we can get a fourth singer." And he made a whistle and Goober the dog came out of his doggie door and joined them on the street. "Say Goober old boy", said Country. "How would you like to sing Christmas carols with us?" "Ruff, ruff!" said Goober panting while wagging his tail. "But Goober can't sing", said Jabber. "All he can do is bark." "Hey, maybe he can", said Wally. "Do you remember those answering machines that have dogs barking Jingle Bells?" "Oh yeah", said Jabber. "Those were really cool!" "That's why I figured Goober would make a perfect backup singer", said Country. "Okay, lets try singing, Deck the Halls." So the four of them started singing Deck the Halls, but instead of singing along with the group, Goober started howling long wild dog noises. "No Goober!" said Country. "You're not staying in rhythm with us!" And a bunch of angry people started throwing rotten food, trash, and year old fruitcakes at the carolers while Goober kept continuing howling. "Why couldn't I just work with an all cat quartet?!" sighed Country flashing back to his good old days. * * * * * * Sneezly was inside leaning near the front door feeling pretty depressed. "I really hated to start up a false sneeze", sighed Sneezly. "But I just can't sing Santa Claus is Coming To Town. Because he won't come thanks to me!" "Hey Sneezly", called out Huckleberry Hound's voice. "Can you come in here please?" "Sure Huck", said Sneezly as he entered the living room and saw Huck hanging stockings on the fireplace mantle. "Do you have a stocking I can hang up here?" asked Huck. "So Santa can put something good in it?" "No, not really", stuttered Sneezly. "Back in the North Pole, we seals don't really stockings because our flippers are used to the snow." "I figured you'd say that", smiled Huck. "So I asked my Maw to knit you this", And he unrolled some green cloth revealing a beautiful flipper shaped stocking with Sneezly's name written in red cursive writing. "It's beautiful", smiled Sneezly while a tear formed in his eye, then turned it into an icecube. "It's just to make sure Santa doesn't leave you out when he comes to visit our house", smiled Huck. "Thank you Huck", sighed Sneezly, then thought to himself. "If only he knew the truth!" "Hey Huck", called out Boo Boo who came in holding a rubber tire. "Speed Buggy wanted me to ask you if there was any room left on the mantle." "Yep", smiled Huck. "There's once space left here. Does SB have his own stocking too?" "No, but he has a spare tire", said Boo Boo showing him the tire covered with red and green tinsel with Speed Buggy's name on it. "He hopes it'll substitute for a stocking." "All that matters is Speed's family and he deserves a place on the mantle", smiled Huck as he nailed the tire to the mantle, but ended up popping making it long and flat like the other stockings. "I just hope Speed can survive without a spare tire until the garages open back up", said Huck. "I'm just glad everyone here has their own stocking Santa can fill with presents", said Boo Boo. "I'd just feel awful if Santa didn't leave me, or anyone in this house, anything at all." "The feeling's mutual", said Huck. "I mean you'd have to be a not nice lowlife if you did something really bad to make Santa pass you, and anyone associated with you, by." "Uh, if you'll excuse me. I have to go back to my room and wrap some presents", said Sneezly sounding like he was trying to muffle a cry. And then sped up the stairs passing Yogi Bear who was coming down. "What do you suppose is wrong with Sneezly?" asked Boo Boo. "Was it something I said?" asked Huck. "Nyaah. That can't be. Sneezly's a good little seal. Santa's sure to leave him something good." "Hey, hey Huck. Hey, hey Boo Boo?" said Yogi. "How's the holiday season treating you?" And he started drinking from a mug really fast. "Oh, it's just great Yogi", smiled Boo Boo. "I'm excited to have our very first Christmas here in HB House with our new extended family." "Me too Boo!" said Yogi as he started slurping from his mug again. Huck noticed that Yogi's eyes were really huge and bloodshot. "You're not drinking alcohol filled egg nog, are you?" asked Huck. "No, something even more powerful and more addictive", said Yogi. "COFFEE!" "Coffee?!" asked Huck. "But I've never seen you drink coffee before." "And you've never seen me eat these coffee flavored cookies neither", said Yogi taking out a bag and eating unappetizing looking cookies shaped like coffee pots and the country of Brazil. "Wouldn't you rather be eating gingerbread men instead?" asked Huck. "Are you kidding?" asked Yogi all hyper. "Unless those men are named Joe, I'm sticking with my old reliable cup of Joe! HEY, HEY, HEY!" and he started slurping down another mug of coffee. "You'll have to excuse Yogi", said Boo Boo. "Usually, we bears always hibernate through Christmas. But Yogi doesn't want to sleep through one minute of it. So he's drinking and eating as much caffiene filled food as he can until Dec. 26." "What about you Boo Boo?" asked Huck. "You're a bear too and you don't look sleepy or doped up on coffee." "That's because the Professor gave me this caffiene patch to wear under my arm to keep me awake", said Boo Boo as he raised his arm showing a patch covering his armpit. "I wish you'd wear one too Yogi. The Professor says it'll be much healthier than eating and drinking all that junk every minute." "And have that painful sensation when you finally take off that patch and have your hair ripped off your pit?!" demanded Yogi. "Think again! Now I gotta make some rounds for some more coffee grounds! HEY, HEY, HEY." And the huge hyper bear started bouncing out of the room and into the hallway. "Poor Yogi", sighed Boo Boo and then looked around. "Gee Huck. You sure got this place all decorated nicely for Christmas. The only thing missing is the tree." "Aw, don't worry", said Huck. "A tree will be coming soon. I sent Howler out to get one." Just then, Howler came in, but with empty werewolf paws. "Uh, seasons greetings guys", said Howler sweating. "Isn't this Christmas night the best time of year, almost better than Halloween." "Uh, Howler", said Huck. "Didn't you forget something? It starts with a T." "Oh yeah", said Howler nervously. "Tinsel. You can't have Christmas without tinsel! I'll just go back out and get me some." Just as he was about to leave, Huck snagged his tail. "I was talking about our Christmas tree", said Huck trying to keep his cool. "Did something go wrong?" "Yeah, you might say that", said Howler trying to look innocent. "You see, I went to the nursery where the tree guy had lots of pretty trees to sell. But then the mail truck drove by with all sorts of Christmas decorations on it. And my werewolf instincts sort of took over and I sort of started chasing it." "Not again!" sighed Huck. "Don't you werewolves usually do stuff like that on Halloween?" "I can't help it" sighed Howler. "One of the presents I smelled in that truck was a Christmas sausage. So I started chasing it all over town. And when I finally got back to the nursery, all the trees were sold out." "Does this mean this house won't have a tree this Christmas?" asked Boo Boo. "But I hope this'll make a nice substitute", said Howler reaching into his pocket and pulled out a small pine tree shaped air freshener. "The mailman threw it at me. It may be small, but at least it'll be sweet smelling." "Thanks a lot Howler", sighed Huck taking the freshener from him and placing it in the Christmas tree stand in the corner. "This would make tree trimming fun, if you're a Smurf that is." Huck then saw Howler with a sad puppy dog look on his face. "Oh, I forgive you buddy", said Huck. "After all, it is the forgiving season and I can't resist sad puppy dog faces since I was once a puppy myself. "Thank you Huck", said Howler wiping the tears from his eyes. "You're a sport." "At least a tiny and flat tree is better than no tree at all", said Boo Boo. "Perhaps I can fix that", called out Prof. Pat Pending who entered the room with a small ray gun. "Hey Professor", said Huck. "Is that your shrinking and growing ray?" "Yes it is", smiled the Prof. "Just watch your tiny tree" And he zapped the small tree shaped air freshener and made it grow into a huge sized tree that touched the ceiling. "And voila!" smiled the Prof. "One huge Christmas tree fully grown without the use of plant food or smelly fertilizer." "You're a genius Professor!" smiled Huck. "And it smells even better now that it's bigger", said Boo Boo. "I'll say", smiled Howler. "And my extra sensitive sniffer is really loving it!" "You're not gonna do your business on that tree, are you?" asked Huck worried. "Nyahhh!" laughed Howler. "I'm not that crude. Besides, it not really a real tree so it's safe from my call of nature." "Wheh!" said Huck, Boo Boo, and the Prof. all together. "Say Prof.", said Howler. "Are you done with the invention I asked you to make?" "Yes, it's right here Howler", said the Prof. taking out a small pistol with what looked like mistletoe sticking out of it. "The mistletoe gun you designed for me is finally completed. But I must say, it took me quite a while to build since your blueprints weren't very clear." And he held up a piece of paper with a crude blue crayon drawing on it. "Thanks Prof", smiled Howler as he took the gun from him. "Now this wolf can go hunting!" "What are you hunting for?" asked Boo Boo. "I hope it's not bears!" "Nope, kisses!" snickered Howler as he silently sneaked into the kitchen. "I didn't know Kiss was performing here", said Huck scratching his head. * * * * * * Wendy was doing something on the kitchen counter with her back turned, while Howler silently entered the kitchen. "Ah, there's my little Christmas prey over there", whispered Howler as he aimed his new gun at the ceiling and starting shooting mistletoe all over it like darts. "So that's why he asked me to build such a device", said the Prof. as he, Huck, and Boo Boo were peeking through the kitchen doorway. "He's covered the whole ceiling with mistletoe", gasped Boo Boo. "My kitchen ceiling now looks like an upside-down lawn", said Huck. "There's no escape from my kiss my little Christmas angel", smiled Howler as he sprayed some mouthwash in his mouth and slowly started to sneak up on Wendy to kiss her. But she quickly turned around just in time and stuck a lighted menorah at him. "Down boy!" said Wendy. "Unless you want to experience eight nights of hot pain!" "But Wendy", said Howler. "You're under mistletoe. And according to Christmas tradition, you gotta be kissed! And there's no escaping my yuletide wrath!" "But I celebrate Hanukkah!" said Wendy with a big smile. "And that power negates your Christmas kiss! So there!" "Aw, poo!" sighed Howler as some of the mistletoe got unstuck and plopped down on the werewolf covering him up. "Cheer up Howler", said Wendy. "That doesn't mean you still can't enjoy your Christmas holiday. Maybe someone else in this house will want to kiss you." "But everyone else here are guys", said Howler. "That seems awkward." "I suppose it is", sighed Wendy, for she was the only girl in a boarding house full of guys. And also, she'd be the only person in this house who wouldn't be celebrating Christmas because of her Hanukkah beliefs. Then the doorbell rang and Huck said. "Ah, that must be the grocer. I'll get it!" A minute later, Huck came into the kitchen rolling in a huge wagon with a huge sheet covering it while Boo Boo and the Prof. followed him. "Hey Wendy", smiled Huck. "I got a holiday treat for you!" "What is it?" asked Wendy wondering what was under that sheet. "Is it a new car?" "NEW CAR?!!! SPUT! SPUT!" called out a shocked Speed Buggy from the garage. "Relax SB", called out Huck. "It's not a new car. But it's something just as juicy! BEHOLD!" And he pulled off the sheet and everyone became surprised at what it was. "A huge ham!" gasped Boo Boo. "And I estimate it must weigh over 130 pounds too!" said the Prof. "Oh yeaaaah!" said Howler drooling like a madman. Then picked up the sheet and started slurping off the ham juice from it. "I can't wait till I eat the solid part too!" Then Yogi came into the kitchen to pour some more coffee not noticing the huge ham in the kitchen. "Yogi, are you all right?" asked Boo Boo. "All right?" smiled Yogi. "I'm feeling jolly with my little coffee folly! Hey, hey, hey!" "But there's a giant ham in the kitchen", said Boo Boo. "You're always the first one to notice and smell these kind of things. And you haven't even tried to snatch it away yet!" "Ham?" laughed Yogi. "Why would I want to eat ham? There's no coffee in it! Coffee's the only thing this bear wants for Christmas. Hey hey hey!" and he started to gulp down the entire coffee pot and bounced out of the kitchen while everyone looked puzzled. "Poor Yogi", sighed Boo Boo. "The coffee's really gotten to him. Ham's supposed to be one of his favorite food groups. Along with the fried chicken group, sandwich group, and pie group. "I wish Yogi would wear one of my caffeine patches", said the Prof. "It would really make my Christmas." "I'll bet once this ham is cooked, Yogi will be back to his good ol' gluttonous self", smiled Huck. "And that's where you come in, Wendy." "Me?" gasped Wendy sweating a little. "Yes", smiled Huck. "I'd like to give you the honor of cooking this ham for the house's Christmas dinner. Doesn't that warm your heart?" "Uh, oh. Sorry Huck. I just can't do it", stuttered Wendy. "I'm sorry." "But why?" asked Huck. "I told you before, I can't cook a Christmas dinner because of my Hanukkah beliefs." "But I also hired you to be the cook of my boarding house", said Huck. "You can just pretend you're cooking a regular dinner for all of us." "I know", said Wendy. "But please don't ask me to cook a ham! My people have a problem with eating and also cooking pork." "What about all those bacon and sausages you cooked for our breakfasts?" asked Howler. "To tell you the truth", said Wendy nervously. "Those were actually soy bacon and soy sausages I buy from the veggie-mart." "Soy bacon and soy sausages?!" gasped Howler shocked that he was eating phoney pork ever since living in the boarding house. "No wonder my pig cloning experiments never worked", said the Prof. "I've been using your leftover soy grease instead of pork grease." "So please", begged Wendy. "Can you just give me a couple of nights off as a holiday present? If you do, I promise to cook you all something really great for New Year's Day to make up for it." "Well, I don't know", said Huck. "Oh, thank you!" smiled Wendy giving Huck a hug and a quick kiss before he could answer her. Then Wendy took her coat and wool hat and was about to leave the door. "Happy holidays everyone!" and she left. "Gee", said Huck with a shocked look on his face. "If I knew Wendy felt this strongly about cooking pork. I wouldn't've wasted all that money on this huge ham that's going to go to waste." "I guess we are supposed to respect other people's beliefs", said Boo Boo. "Wendy did seem pretty uncomfortable when she saw that ham." "I suppose I can find someone else to cook the ham", said Huck. "But the question is, who...?" "I can do it!" said Howler eagerly. "I don't know" said Huck. "We all know how you get around meat products. What if we let you near that ham and you eat it all in one gulp?" "Not to mention choking on that probably huge ham bone as well", said the Prof. "Aw, come on guys", said Howler. "Before my werewolf condition became permanent, I enjoyed cooking all sorts of things. Give me a chance to make up for blowing the Christmas tree mission by letting me cook this porker." "What do you say Huck?" asked Boo Boo. "He really does want to prove himself." "Well, okay", said Huck. But then, he saw Howler about to drool all over the ham and chomp on it. Huck quickly grabbed a nearby sponge and caught the drool. "Scratch that okay, okay?" said Huck annoyed. "Darn these werewolf instincts!" growled Howler. "Perhaps what you need is a carnivore patch", smiled the Prof. "Carnivore patch?" asked Howler. "What's that?" "Just like how I made Boo Boo a Caffeine patch so he can get his caffeine needs without drinking addictive coffee, I also invented a patch that can make meat eaters like you satisfied so you won't need to attack any meat, living or non-living", smiled the Prof. "Do you happen to have one on you?" asked Howler. "Let's see", said the Prof. taking a huge book out of his labcoat. "I got Caffeine patches, Caramel patches so you won't get addicted to caramel. Camel patches so you won't get addicted to camels." "Why would anyone want to get addicted to camels?" asked Boo Boo. Then had visions of the 3 Wise Men having their camels stolen by camel addicts. "Cagney and Lacey patches so you won't get addicted to that show", the Prof. continued. "Carbon paper, cardboard, Carmen Miranda. Ah, here it is. A Carnivore patch!" And he took out a small round white patch with a slice of meat on it. "Just stick this under you arm and you can cook us that ham without wanting to feast on it." "Okey Dokey", said Howler as he lifted up his shirt exposing his hairy torso and put the patch under his arm while Yogi walked in trying to get more coffee. "See Yogi", said Boo Boo. "Howler's not afraid to wear a patch under his arm and he's got 3 times the hair we have." "But will he get the taste of coffee flavored cookies on his tastebuds?" asked Yogi all hyper as he opened a drawer and started scoffing down more cookies. "Hey, hey, hey! I'll be awake this Christmas day!" and he started hoping out of the kitchen once again. "Poor Yogi", sighed Boo Boo. "Say, Howler", said Huck. "You don't have to urge to eat that huge ham, do you?" But after Huck asked that question, he saw Howler all dressed like a master chef putting the ham in a tray and started preparing it. "Just call me Emeril Werewolf", smiled Howler as he took out a meat tenderizer. "Ready to notch it up a kick." "I got to hand it to you, Prof", said Huck. "Those patches of yours sure do the trick. Can I have a few of them please? A Cagney and Lacey marathon is supposed to air on Nick at Nite. And I don't really want anyone watching that while It's a Wonderful Life is on the other channel." * * * * * * Sneezly waddled upon the roof, which was all decorated with beautiful lighted props like a snowman, candy canes, and a reindeer sleigh with a cardboard Santa on it. "I guess you'll be the only Santa who'll be at this house this year", said Sneezly sadly. "He certainly won't come here after what I did." Just then he saw a red light flashing in the sky and getting closer and closer. "YIKES!" gasped Sneezly. "It's Rudolph's red nose! Santa must be coming here to punish me! I don't wanna get switches!" and he hid behind the snowman and prepared himself. But instead of hearing a Ho-Ho-Ho, he heard a familiar. YEOWWWW HOO HAA!" Sneezly looked up and saw it was Dynomutt flying down with his rocket backpack and a red police siren on his head. "Dyno?" asked Sneezly. "Clear the runaway Mr. Claus!" shouted Dynomutt. "Bionic dog coming in for a landing!" And then a crash was heard and Sneezly waddled over to Dynomutt whose head smashed right through the cardboard Santa's head like a typical cartoon running gag. "Hey, it looks like I'm superhero Santa!" smiled Dynomutt. "Now I can make up for all those bad deeds that green furry Santa did to those Whos!" "Are you okay, Dyno?" asked Sneezly. "I'm okay now that I'm home, kiddo", said Dynomutt proudly. "The local malls and shopping centers are totally packed like crazy there!" "You were doing some last minute Christmas shopping?" asked Sneezly. "Actually, I was doing some last minute Christmas arresting!" said Dynomutt. "Crime never seems to sleep, especially around the holiday time. I'll bet Santa won't be visiting those jails I sent those naughty evil doers to!" "Say Dyno", said Sneezly nervously. "What if someone did something naughty to Santa Claus, by accident mind you, and it affected him and his family and friends as well. What would you think of this person?" "What would I think?!" said Dynomutt as steam of anger spouted of his ears. "I'd put that obnoxious little punk in his place for ruining the glory of Christmas!" "But what if he did it by accident?" asked Sneezly trying not to show fear. "Accident or not, poor Santa can't take any type of naughtiness. Especially when he becomes a victim!" shouted Dynomutt. "Santa's a senior citizen you know, and his poor sugar cookie filled heart would give him such a stroke!" "Gulp", went Sneezly. "Why do you ask?" asked Dynomutt. "Did someone you know do something naughty to Santa and you somehow got involved by mistake? If so, tell me who this fiend is and I'll bring swift Jingle Bell justice to this scumbag!" "Oh, don't worry", said Sneezly sweating icecubes. "It was just one of those silly, What If, questions some people come up with. It's nothing serious." "Oh, that's a relief", said Dynomutt. "I'd hate to think a family's Christmas would get ruined because of the actions of one rotten punk!" "Yeah", said Sneezly nervously then went over to the fire escape ladder. "If you don't mind, I'd like to take a walk around town and see everyone being Merry." "Good idea", said Dynomutt. "But be sure you're back in time before Santa gets here, otherwise he might not come!" "Maybe it'd be better if I don't return for Christmas", thought Sneezly climbing down the ladder. "That way, the others won't have an unmerry Christmas because of me!" and he quickly got down and slipped away on the icy sidewalk as fast as he could. "If I didn't know better, I'd say Sneezly did something naughty to Santa", thought Dynomutt. "Nyahh. That can't be. He's a good little seal." Just then Dynomutt heard some pretty off-key singing thanks to his bionic superhearing. He looked down from the roof and saw Country, Wally, and Jabber still rehearsing their Christmas carols while Goober was still busy making that annoying howling sound. "Sorry Goober", said Country patting the dog's head, which made him a little uncomfortable since Country's a cat. "We appreciate your help, but I'm afraid you're just not what we're looking for in our choir." "Roof?" went Goober. "Yeah", said Jabber. "Don't mean to disrespect you on this holiday season." "Tell you what", said Wally, "Here's a Santa shaped dog biscuit for your trouble." And he threw the biscuit to Goober who chomped on it happily. Then did the traditional Hanna-Barbera ritual when a dog gets a biscuit, he hugs himself happily, jumps in the air, and floats down heavenly while making a grateful sigh. "I sure am glad you're not sore about this", said Country. "Why would I be sore with a little Santa inside me", thought Goober. "And makes my teeth and coat shiny as well", and then walked back into the house. "It feels good to make our house pet happy this Christmas", smiled Wally. "Yeah, but now we can't enter the contest", sighed Jabber. "The rules say you need up to 4 carolers in each choir." "Now we just have to find ourselves another member of our choir", said Country. "Hey Dyno", called out Wally spotting Dynomutt on the roof. "You wanna join our group?" "You want me to join?" smiled Dynomutt expanding his spring legs coming down off the roof. "Oh goody! I've always wanted to sing Christmassy carols!" "Do you have a good singing voice?" asked Country. "And you're not gonna bark your songs, you being a dog that is", asked Jabber. "Oh no", smiled Dynomutt. "I happen to be the bionic dog of 1000 voices", and he opened up the door on his neck and pulled out a little black box attached to a cord. "This here is my special bionic voice box. It allows me to speak or sing in any voice I choose. Watch, I'll set it for Andy Griffith." And he turned the dial on the box and started singing Deck the Halls in Andy Griffith's voice. "That's really neat", said Country. "Only you sound more like Huckleberry Hound than Andy Griffith." "I guess you're right", said the Huck sounding Dynomutt. "But I got other neat selections like Robert Goulet, Bing Crosby, and Connie Francis." "Well try them all and decide which sounds best", said Country while Wally and Jabber agreed. Dynomutt tried singing in his Connie Francis voice. It sounded beautiful, but they couldn't stand the thought of their bionic protector in a dress with a girl's wig on top. * * * * * * Elsewhere in town, Wendy just walked out of a Chinese take out stand finishing up a box of noodles, feeling a little depressed. "I just can't cook a ham on a Hanukkah night", sighed Wendy. "It's just not kosher! It's bad enough being the only girl who lives in the house, not to mention the only human, besides for the Professor. But now I'm the only one there who won't be celebrating the same holiday with them. I wish there was a way." Just then, she heard some crying around the corner. She went over and saw Sneezly sitting by a frozen water fountain crying little frozen tears that hit the ice making pretty Christmas designs with one of them being Santa Claus. "Oh Santa", wailed Sneezly. "Please come visit HB House. I won't be there tonight so you can do your regularly kindly duty for my friends. Why did it have to turn out this way!" and he started sobbing on the ice. "Sneezly, are you okay?" asked Wendy as she sat down and helped Sneezly back up. "Oh, Wendy", said Sneezly taking out a hammer and chisel and started chiseling off the icy tears. "Oh, I'm fine. I just thought I'd take a happy Christmas Eve waddle around the town." "But you don't look very happy to me", said Wendy. "How can you say that?" said Sneezly trying to make a false toothy grin. "I'm as happy as a seal can get!" "Your nose is dripping more snot than usual", said Wendy. "I know whenever you have a bad day or feel depressed, your nose gets like that." And she handed Sneezly a handkerchief. "Thank's Wendy", said Sneezly as he took a big blast but ended up blowing the snot covered hanky into outer space. * * * * * * We now see the Great Gazoo floating around in outer space. "I sure do hope I get that green thermal blanket this year", said Gazoo. "But probably not. They're just so popular and out of stock all over the universe!" Just then, he got hit by that handkerchief. "Yes, I got it!" smiled Gazoo cuddling the green moist handkerchief. "And it's keeping me warm by some unknown chemical. Thank you Earth Santa!" * * * * * * "Why don't you come back to the house with me?" Wendy asked Sneezly. "I'm sure a cup of cocoa and some holiday cookies will make you feel better." "I can't go back!" wailed Sneezly. "Otherwise, Santa will ignore our house!" "Why would he do that?" asked Wendy. "I've heard Santa only visits children who've been good all year. And you're a good and sweet little seal." "Not after what I did to him last year!" wailed Sneezly, and he looked around and found a booth that read, FLASHBACKS. 50 cents. "Come in here and what I'm about to show you will explain my sad Christmas story." So Wendy got into the booth with Sneezly and they closed the door. "Uh, do you have 50 cents on you?" asked Sneezly. "Sure", said Wendy as she inserted the two quarters into the slot. "I can remember when flashbacks only cost one quarter", she sighed. "Thank you", said Sneezly as he went to the nearby screen and keyboard and typed in North Pole, December 25, last year. Then a flash happened and Wendy and Sneezly suddenly found themselves at the North Pole. "This was where I was born and raised", said Sneezly. "And there's me playing with all my friends." Sure enough it showed images of Sneezly with a bunch of other seals and polar bears. Sneezly was polishing up some kind of plastic bazooka when his old friend, Breezly the Polar Bear, came up to him. "Hey Sneezly", smiled Breezly. "It's looks like Santa got you that Snowball Blaster 9000 you asked for." "Yep", smiled Sneezly still polishing it up. "Well what are you waiting for?" asked Breezly. "Let's see some action and start firing up those snowballs." "No, not yet", said Sneezly. "I gotta wait till I'm at a secluded spot until I play with my gun. Santa sent me a note asking me to be careful with this thing. He thinks this thing might put someone's face out." "Oh, come on", smiled Breezly. "It won't hurt if you shoot it up in the sky where there's no one to hit!" "I guess you're right", smiled Sneezly as he aimed his gun and blasted a huge snowball up in the air and out of sight. But then the snowball bounced off a passing airplane, swerved off a curvy ice mountain, hit the North Pole, zipped past Breezly and Sneezly who ducked just in time. "That was close", said Breezly. But then they heard the sound of a window breaking. "What just happened?" gasped Sneezly nervously. "Bail everyone!" shouted all the seals and polar bears who suddenly ran away leaving only Breezly and Sneezly. "I just remembered", said Breezly. "I gotta do a photo shoot for an Icy-ish cold drink commercial. Merry Christmas Sneezly", and he made a big belly flop in the snow and slid off like a huge bobsled. "Oh dear", said Sneezly nervously. "I guess the right thing to do is to take responsibility for my toy's actions." And he waddled over to where he heard the window break. And turned white with fear when he saw what the broken window was attached to. "Santa's castle?!" gasped Sneezly. "Oh no! I'm coal!" Just as he was about to sneak away, a huge light covered lasso appeared, snagged the seal by the flippers and started dragging him through the snow. Sneezly was now looking in the angry face of a Christmas elf who had pointy ears, a black goatee, and a face covered with snow and tiny shards of glass. "Uh, hi Mr. Elf", said Sneezly with an innocent smile. "The names Elfonzo!" said the angry elf in a squeaky voice that sounded like a mobster. "Claus's right hand elf! And judging by that Snowball Blaster 9000 you're holding. You were the one who blew a hole through his window! Not to mention in my cute rosey-cheeked puss!" "You're right, I did", said Sneezly sadly. "But I tried to aim it where it wouldn't hurt anyone. I'm sorry." "Save it kid!" said Elfonzo. "Dear innocent Santa even sent you a nice note to be careful with that gun and you let him down! Just for that, I'm confiscating your Christmas present!" And he mercilessly yanked the bazooka away from Sneezly. "Maybe you'll think about your actions next Christmas. See ya' around!" and Elfonzo started to walk back into the castle. "Please Mr. Elfonzo!" pleaded Sneezly. "Give me another chance! I promise to be more careful with my bazooka next time!" Then Elfonzo turned around and saw the teary eyed face of the cute little kid seal. "Well..." said Elfonzo in a sincere voice as he was about to hand the bazooka back to Sneezly. But unfortunately, Sneezly started to feel one of his supersonic sneezes starting up. "AH, AH, AH, CHOOOOOOOO!" shouted Sneezly as he blew Elfonzo off his feet and sent him crashing through another window giving Santa's castle two broken windows. "Excuse me", said Sneezly in a sniffly voice. "Excuse you?!" growled Elfonzo as he climbed out of the second broken window looking more bruised than ever. "There's no excuse for what you just did to Santa's number 1 elf!" And he dragged out a huge file cabinet, searched through it, and found Sneezly's file. Then Elfonzo took a huge stamper and stamped PERMANENTLY NAUGHTY, on his file in big red letters. "Permanently naughty?!!" cried Sneezly. "That's right bazooka nose!" cackled Elfonzo. "As Santa's number 1 elf, I too can decide on who's naughty or nice. And for destroying a lot of Santa's property. You're now declared permanently naughty! Which means Santa will no longer visit your or leave you any presents as long as you live!" "No more presents?!" cried Sneezly. "And the same goes for anyone associated with you!" said Elfonzo. "We can't have innocent people become badly influenced by a trouble making punk like you!" "No, please don't do this to me!" cried Sneezly getting down on his belly. "I don't care if I don't get any more presents, but please don't make my friends and family hate me forever!" "You should've thought of that before you started your road to naughtiness!" scowled Elfonzo as he was about to go back inside. "And you have until one minute to leave the premises before I release the nutcrackers!" And Elfonzo slammed the door leaving the sad seal sobbing in the snow. "But everything I did was an accident!" wailed Sneezly. Just then, he heard some strange chomping noises. Sneezly looked up and saw an army of huge wind-up nutcracker soldiers with really sharp fangs wanting to crunch on the little green nut known as Sneeezly. "YIPE!" shouted Sneezly as he sped through the snow spelling the words, Cruel Fate, in cursive writing. Then the flashback stopped and Wendy and Sneezly stepped out of the booth. "That sure was a sad flashback", said Wendy. "I never knew an elf could be that harsh. Especially if he gets thrown through a glass window." "And it was true too!" cried Sneezly. "Because of all those accidents I did, I'm on Santa's permanently naughty list! And I couldn't let my friends and family back at the North Pole have sad Christmases for life because of me. So the very next day, I signed up for an exchange student program to come here to Yabbadabbaville and start a new life. As the days and the months went by, I made new friends with all of you guys at the boarding house and the kids and teachers at the school. And it was today, I realized that Santa won't be visiting the boarding house, because he'll find that I'm now living there! And he'll pass us by and none of my friends in the house will be getting any presents! Which is why I can't come home tonight! I'm not going to ruin my HB House friends' Christmas! Why was I such a bad seal last year?!" And he started crying waterfalls out of his eye sockets making beautiful Christmas ice sculptures in the snow. Wendy saw that this poor little seal was in great yuletide pain. She wrapped her arms around Sneezly and said. "Cheer up Sneezly. Because I'm going to find a way to make the rest of your Christmases happier." "Really?" asked Sneezly. "But I thought you didn't believe in celebrating Christmas." "Just because I celebrate a different holiday, doesn't mean I can't help out a friend", smiled Wendy. "Both your holiday and my holiday are about love and peace and showing people that you care. And that makes us like family." "Thank you Wendy", said Sneezly sucking back in his snot and smiling again. "I feel a lot better now that I got that Santa problem of my chest." "Maybe if you can find a way to make amends to Santa, he'll take you off his permanently naughty list", said Wendy. "I know!" She reached into her coat and pulled out a small green bag. "Just today, I had baked these cookies. And I've heard how much Santa loves cookies. Why don't we both go to the North Pole together and you can deliver these to Santa." "Do you think he'd forgive me if I did that?" asked Sneezly. "I think so", said Wendy. "After all, Christmas is supposed to be the time for forgiving." "Okay, that sounds like a plan", smiled Sneezly taking the bag from Wendy. "One problem though. How are we supposed to get to the North Pole? It's a long way there and all the airports are booked since it's Christmas Eve." "Good question", said Wendy. "But cheer up. Maybe hope will come zipping by the corner." And sure enough, a flash of orange zipped by the corner and swerved right in front of Sneezly and Wendy. "Speed Buggy?" asked Wendy. "Sput, sput. Merry Christmas Sneezly. Sput, sput. Happy Hanukkah Wendy. Sput", sputtered Speed Buggy in his usual car accent. "Thank you Speed", smiled Wendy. "What are you doing out here tonight?" "Sput, sput. I was just taking some roasted nuts to my orphaned friends at the used car lot", sputtered Speed. "You mean like chestnuts?" asked Sneezly. "No, these kind of nuts. Sput, sput", smiled Speed as he flipped open his hood and showed them a box of roasted metal nuts. "There's nothing like metal nuts roasting on an open oil fire. Sput, sput!" "Uh, say Speed", asked Wendy. "Do you think you can do us a holiday favor?" "Sure, sput-sput", said Speed. "Anything for you. What is it?" "How long would you say it would take for you to drive us to the North Pole?" asked Wendy. "SPUT, SPUT. The North Pole?!!" asked Speed, then had visions of some mathematical figures in his head, knocking out the sugar plums that were already in there. "Let's see. Sput, sput. Estimating the miles from Yabbadabbaville to the North Pole, not to mention the intense snowstorms, road blocks, and endless Christmas traffic. I'd say about 8 days!" "Eight days?!!" cried Sneezly. "But Christmas is tomorrow! We'll never make it in time!" "Have faith little Sneezly", smiled Wendy as she picked him up and put him on Speed Buggy's seat. "This is just like the time how the ancient Jewish people only had a one day supply of oil to light their holy lamps and they wouldn't be able to get any more oil for eight days. But a miracle happened and the lamps stayed lit throughout those eight days, despite the small oil supply. Which was how the holiday of Hanukkah was first formed." "So that's why some people celebrate Hanukkah?" asked Sneezly now smiling. "Sput, sput", smiled Speed. "A one day supply of oil lasting eight days?! Sounds heavenly!" "And I believe that miracle could happen again", smiled Wendy as she reached into her coat and took out a beautiful golden oil can. "WOW!" gasped Speed with sparkly headlights. "Is that the same oil used on the very first Hanukkah?" asked Sneezly. "No, not really", smiled Wendy as she started filling up Speed's gas tank. "It's Prof. Pat Pending's Miracle Fuel. It has the power to make an eight day road trip last for eight minutes!" "Yes, I can feel it! SPUT, SPUT, SPUT!!" smiled Speed Buggy as he started kicking up his back tires like a wild young pony, while Sneezly was holding onto his seat belt for his dear life. "Let's go to the North Pole guys!" And he opened his car door to let Wendy in. Then Speed Buggy took off like a bolt of lightning. "Wow, we sure are going pretty fast!" shouted Wendy feeling her black hair getting ruffled in the cold air. "What if we end up crashing into someone or something?" shouted Sneezly. "Or even zoom down a broken bridge?!" "I don't think we have to worry about that", said Wendy. "Look down!" Sneezly looked down and saw that they were actually flying in the night sky looking down at their town below. "We're flying?!" gasped Sneezly. "No, I'm flying! SPUT, SPUT!" called out Speed Buggy happily. "This is the greatest thrill of my life! SPUT, SPUT!" "This is a miracle!" smiled Sneezly. "And I pray that it'll last!" he said as he checked his Scooby Doo wrist watch. "Only seven more minutes to go!" "Like I said, have faith", smiled Wendy as she patted Sneezly's hopeful head as Speed flew them through the snowy sky that seemed to get even snowier. * * * * * * Back at the house, Howler had the ham in a huge pan and was about to prepare it. "Let's see", said Howler. "I'll need brown sugar and honey to baste the ham with." And he went to cupboard and found the brown sugar and got the jar of honey. But when Howler looked into the honey jar, all he found was a note. It said... "Dear Wendy. I owe you one pot of honey as soon as I raise the money. Hey, hey, hey. Love, Yogi." "No honey?!" gasped Howler. "How does Wendy put up with Yogi's constant kitchen raids?! She's one tough girl. Which is why I love her, sigh!" But then Howler shook his head and came back to his senses. "No, gotta stop that! I'm a cook tonight. But I sure wish I could get cooking with Wendy." And then he looked back at the empty honey jar. "I think I might know where to get some more honey." * * * * * * The Professor was in his lab basement doing an experiment. He poured some red and green chemicals into a cup and it started to sparkle and make holographic images of sugar plums and candy canes dancing around. "My new Christmas soft drink will make children want to go to sleep for Santa's arrival", smiled the Prof. "Not to mention giving them these sugary dreams!" "Hey Prof.", said Howler coming in. "You don't happen to have that experimental beehive on hand, do you?" "No, sorry", said the Prof. still working on his soft drink. "I had to return it to the honey farm last week." "Oh, drat!" sighed Howler. "I really wanted to collect the honey from it to baste our Christmas ham!" "If you need honey, I got some extra packs in my pocket when I had breakfast at the local diner this morning", said the Prof. "You do?" asked Howler. "Yes", said the Prof. "But I got my hands full right now. Just reach into my right coat pocket to get them." "Okay, thanks", smiled Howler as he dug his furry hand into the Professor's labcoat pocket and took out 12 packs. "See ya' Professor", said Howler as he ran back upstairs to the kitchen. "Or were they in my left coat pocket?" wondered the Prof. * * * * * * Howler had just completely basted the ham with brown sugar and honey and now had it baking in the oven. "I can't wait till everyone in this house tries my delicious ham", said Howler eagerly. "Just look it changing into a golden brown, tasty meat juice dripping from it like sweat, the little curly tail growing out of its butt, the savory...LITTLE CURLY TAIL GROWING OUT OF ITS BUTT?!!!" Howler looked in shock as he saw what looked like a pig's tail coming out of the ham. And then little pig's feet as well. Then he heard some oinking- like sounds. "Oink?" gasped Howler. "What's going on here?!" He put on his oven mitts and quickly opened the oven door. Out popped a real live pig sitting on its huge butt on the floor. "Where did you come from little, I mean, BIG pig?" gasped Howler. The pig just made a huge bacon shaped question mark appear over its head showing that it didn't know. "Wait a minute", said Howler as he studied the open honey packs on the kitchen counter and found out they weren't honey packs. "Cloning formula?!" gasped Howler now getting a good look at the names on the packets. "Uh oh! This might upset our Christmas dinner plans." "OINK?!" gasped the pig hearing the word, dinner, as it started to get up on its feet and was about to run out of the kitchen. "No, come back Mr. Pig!" shouted Howler as he tried to tackle the pig, but it was too greased up from being in that greasy oven, that it slipped out of Howler's arms. Then the pig ran into the garage, out the garage door, and into the street. "No Mr. Pig!" cried Howler. "Come back! Don't make me look like the Big Bad Wolf!" "What's going on here?!" called out Huck's voice from the kitchen. "Where's Howler?!" "Uh, oh!" gasped Howler as he ran back into the kitchen and saw Huck and Boo Boo waiting for him. "Howler, what happened to the ham?" asked Boo Boo. "Uh, you won't believe what just happened!" gasped Howler. "Save it", said Huck in an annoyed voice. "I know what happened here. You ate our Christmas ham!" "No, that's not it!" gasped Howler. "I didn't eat it!" "Well why are your hands all greasy?!" demanded Huck pointing to Howler's grease covered furry hands. "You won't believe this", said Howler nervously. "But when I had the ham in the oven, it suddenly turned into a live pig and ran away!" "It turned into a live pig?" gasped Boo Boo. "Oh, right!" said Huck in a calm sarcastic voice. "And I suppose hamburgers turn into live cows and still keep their sexy sesame seed buns. I knew I shouldn't've trusted a ham in the hands of a meat attacking werewolf. I gotta learn not to be so naïve in the future!" "You don't believe me?!" gasped Howler while a tear appeared in his eye. "Sorry, Howler", said Huck turning his back. "But those sad puppy dog eyes won't work on me this time!" A hurt Howler ran into the corner and started making loud tearful howls. "Maybe he's telling the truth Huck", said Boo Boo. "Come on Boo Boo", said Huck. "Can you possibly believe that a ham can turn into a live pig?" "Didn't you have to deal with a potato that suddenly turned into a giant monster, not once, but twice?" asked Boo Boo. "Well", said Huck. "You got a point there. But how can such a thing happen to a ham?" "I believe that's all my fault", said the Professor coming into the kitchen. "You see, I asked Howler to reach into my wrong coat pocket and instead of the honey packs, he pulled out my cloning formula, which I like to seal into little snack packs for freshness. Howler must've coated that ham with my formula and completed the pig cloning experiment that I've been longing to make succeed. Oh, how I wish I was there to experience it!" "You mean it was you who caused the ham I worked so hard on to pork out?" asked Howler. "That does sound like Howler is innocent", said Boo Boo. "Still, I would like to see this cloned pig live", said Huck. "And I can bring the pig back here thanks to my pig calling whistle", said the Prof. taking out a whistle shaped like a small sausage. He blew on it, but no sound came out." "I didn't hear a thing", said Boo Boo. "That's because only the nearest pig can hear it and answer the call", said the Prof. "Any minute now..." And he looked at his watch and something crashed through the window. "Is it the pig?" asked Boo Boo. "No, but its close", said Huck picking up what looked like a football. "It's a pigskin." "Oh dear", said the Prof. "I guess I'd better make a slight adjustment. "And he took out a tiny screwdriver and adjusted a tiny screw on the whistle. Then blew it again. Sure enough, something crashed through the wall with a loud, "OINK!" "Hey, it's the pig!" smiled Howler. "I recognize that smell anywhere." "But is that the pig that was once our ham?" asked Boo Boo. "I'll be the judge of that", said Huck as he checked the pig's right buttock. There he found a supermarket barcode. "Yep, this was the same barcode that was on the ham", said Huck. "See, I told you I didn't eat it", said Howler. "Howler, I apologize", said Huck taking off his straw hat and twiddling it. "I wasn't acting very Christmas-like accusing you of the deadly sin of gluttony on Christmas Eve. Can you ever forgive me?" "Sure I can Huck", smiled Howler. "It did seem like an unbelievable story when I told it." "And my story finally came true!" smiled the Prof. happily hugging the confused pig. "I cloned my very first pig!" "I guess this means there'll be no Christmas ham this year", said Huck. * * * * * * Meanwhile, Speed Buggy was still driving Sneezly and Wendy through the snowy night sky. "It's seems to be getting colder", said Wendy putting on extra mittens. "It feels like it's below 80!" "Yes", smiled Sneezly. "It's perfect weather for a seal to get a suntan. I think we've arrived at my homeland, the North Pole!" "Sput, sput, that's right!" called out Speed turning on his headlights. And there's Santa's palace down below. Sput, sput!" "Yes, I can see it!" smiled Wendy looking down. "How about coming in for a landing, Speed?" "Roger Wilco!" complied Speed as he swerved down and tried to land in front of Santa's front yard. All the nearby elves ran in panic as they saw the flying dune buggy trying to swoop down for a landing! Then Speed landed causing snow to skid all over the place making a slushy mess. "Are you okay, Sneezly?" asked Wendy. "Oh sure", said Sneezly. "I had my seat belt on." "How about you Speed?" asked Wendy. "You didn't hurt yourself landing, did you?" "Oh no! Sput, sput", said Speed. "That was the greatest thrill of my life! Flying at the speed of Christmas light! That was the best Christmas gift ever! Sput, sput!" "Hey you two!" shouted an elf shaped shadow slowly marching up to our heroes, "Just who do you think you are barging into Santa's yard like that?!" "Uh, oh!" said Wendy. "It looks like one of Santa's little helpers." Then they saw the elf figure coming closer and discovered he was huge. "Make that one of Santa's XL helpers!" gasped Sneezly. "Is that a fat joke?!" demanded the elf who suddenly came out from the shadows and discovered it was actually a huge polar bear dressed in an elf suit. "Breezly Bruin?" gasped Sneezly recognizing one of his old friends. "Sneezly?!" gasped the bear as his rage turned into a surprised smile. "Sneezly! It is you!" He shouted as he picked up the seal and started hugging him happily while Wendy and Speed watched with puzzlement. "It's so good to see you!" "Hi Breezly", gasped Sneezly who was running low on breath thanks to Breezly's bear hug. "It's good to see you again too." "I thought I'd never see you again little buddy", smiled Breezly. "After that, well, you know?" "Yep", said Sneezly sadly. "Oh, by the way. These are my friends, Wendy and Speed Buggy." "How do you do madam, Mr. Buggy?" said Breezly tipping his elf hat. "Hey, I recognize you!" said Wendy with a stern look. "You're from Sneezly's flashback. You were the one who convinced Sneezly to fire his bazooka that started the chain reaction that broke Santa's window! And then you rushed off and abandoned him!" "Yes, it's true", said Breezly with an ashamed face. "I didn't mean to do that. It's just that Santa's a high authority figure around here and I didn't have the courage to face his wrath that day." "Well, it got Sneezly put on Santa's permanently naughty list thanks to you!" said Wendy. "I know", said Breezly. "That's why when Sneezly left the North Pole, I went over to Santa to ask for forgiveness and a way to make up for it. Santa agreed by letting me do some community service by working as an elf." "Breezly?!" gasped Sneezly. "You mean you're working and wearing that demeaning elf outfit to help me." "Hey, you're my best pal", smiled Breezly. "I wasn't going to let you have an eternity of miserable Christmases because of me. And I don't find this elf costume demeaning. It makes me feel kind of immortal. Hee, hee!" "Aw, thanks Breezly", smiled Sneezly hugging his best polar bear friend. "Oh yeah", said Breezly. "I think the boss is going to want to meet you now. Come on everyone." Breezly had led our heroes to a reindeer attached sleigh where a man with a while beard in a red suit was feeding a spoonful of something to one of the reindeer. "Here you go Dasher", said Santa. "Here's some medicine to keep you from going number 2 on the people's rooftops. And it's liken flavored too." "Uh, Mr. C", said Breezly. "Oh, hello Breezly", said Santa. "I was just getting my reindeer ready for another Christmas trip. Oh, I see you brought some friends along." "Yep", smiled Breezly. "Here's my best buddy, Sneezly Seal. The reason you hired me to work for you." "Uh, hello S-Santa", said Sneezly nervously. "M-Merry Christmas." "Oh yes, little Sneezly", smiled Santa as he snapped his mitten covered fingers and made a file cabinet magically appear. Sneezly watched nervously for he feared Santa would pull out his file that had the Permanently Naughty red mark on it. "Ah, here it is", smiled Santa as he pulled out Sneezly's file and started looking through it. "Hey, the words, Permanently Naughty, are gone from my file!" said Sneezly surprised. "But of course", smiled Santa. "I erased it with my special magic marker remover. Now let's check your records this year. Hmmmm, about a year ago, you moved to a town called Yabbadabbaville where you now reside in a boarding house with 12 other friends, and you're very kind, caring, and helpful to them. You attend the Junior High school in that town and get pretty good grades. And whenever you release your supersonic sneezes, you at least always say, excuse me. All that makes you pretty good in my book." "Really?" asked Sneezly with a happy teary face that suddenly turned to ice. "Uh, oh", said Santa. "Better drink this cocoa before your tears of joy freeze your face." "Thank you Santa", said Sneezly as he happily slurped it. "But aren't you mad at me for breaking your window with a snowball?" "I know that was an accident", smiled Santa. "And Breezly told me you tried to shoot that bazooka up in the air so no one would get hurt. Who knew it would end up hitting my window and my former number 1 elf, Elfonzo?" "Former Number 1 elf?" asked Sneezly. "That reminds me", said Santa. "Elfonzo, front and center!" he shouted in a military like voice. Sneezly looked in shock as he saw who was coming. It was that same elf he angered a year ago. Only he was now dressed in a dirty red jump suit, holding a smelly shovel. "Elfonzo, my boy", said Santa back in his jolly voice. "I believe you have something to say to young Sneezly, don't you?" "Hey kid", said Elfonzo in a humble voice. "I just want to say I'm sorry for putting you on Santa's permanently naught list. I should've kept my Christmas cool about the incident, but didn't. Because of that, Santa demoted me to reindeer stall cleaner. And I guess I deserve it too. Cleaning up Dasher's past stomach flu waste was punishment enough. Can you forgive me." "Okay", said Sneezly. "Santa would want me to." "Thank you Elfonzo", said Santa. "Go ahead and take the rest of the night off and join the other elves for the staff party. I've saved a carton egg nog for you in my secret desk drawer." "Thanks Santa", said Elfonzo. "You're a real saint! See, ya' later kid!" and the elf ran off into the castle. "I really hated to demote Elfonzo like that", sighed Santa. "But lately, he had been putting almost every kid on the permanently naughty list for minor things. He thought if I had less deliveries to make, it would be less pressure on my old bones. But he has to learn that's not the Christmas way." "And I got promoted to number 1 elf", smiled Breezly. "Despite, me being a polar bear." "So you see, Sneezly", smiled Santa. "You were never on my bad side at all this year. And I hope you'll continue to stay that way for the many years to come." "Oh, I will Santa", smiled Sneezly taking out a bag. "And I hope you'll like these cookies. My friend, Wendy over here, made them." "Oh boy, I love it when I get to eat extra cookies!" smiled Santa as he undid the string of the bag and saw the unusual cookie shapes. "Menorah, dreidel, and Star of David shaped cookies?" asked Santa. "Hanukkah cookies! What a very odd gift to give Santa Claus." "Uh, I can explain Mr. Claus", said Wendy blushing. "Ah, you're Wendy", smiled Santa. "I guess I've never visited you before because you celebrate Hanukkah." And he tried a menorah shaped cookie. "Very delicious", smiled Santa. "It's like there's an eight-night party in my mouth." "Thank you Mr. Claus", smiled Wendy. "I'm honored you like something I made. Even though it's not part of your holiday." "You truly are a good girl", smiled Santa. "Even though you celebrate a different holiday, you still tried to help your friend, Sneezly, make his Christmas merrier. I couldn't be more pleased." "Thank you", smiled Wendy. "But you should also be thanking Speed Buggy here. He carried us both to the North Pole to see you." "Ah yes. Speed Buggy", smiled Santa patting Speed's hood. "I've always wanted to see a real live dune buggy up close. But never could, since I live at the always wintery North Pole. Say, can I sit in you to get the summertime experience?" "Sput, sput. Sure, anything for you Santa". And he opened up his door and let Santa in and he sat down in the driver's seat. "Ho, ho, ho!" laughed Santa while he held onto the steering wheel. "I feel like I'm at the beach! If only I was wearing my thong!" "Please Sir", said Breezly. "I'd rather not picture that!" "Mr. C, Mr. C!" called out a girl elf who ran up to Santa. "I just received the latest weather reports. And it's looking pretty bad." Santa got out of Speed, read the reports and frowned. "What's wrong Santa?" asked Breezly. "Are we in for bad weather?!" "I'm afraid so", said Santa. "A freak blizzard has just surrounded the North Pole and there's no way to get through it." "What about Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?" asked Wendy. "Doesn't he have the power to burn away snowstorms?" "Not tonight", said Santa. "He's on jury duty right now. And it's a big case too. The Toothfairy is suing the Boogeyman for sexual harassment when they somehow entered the same kid's room." "And the trial's still going", said Breezly. "Because the Toothfairy hired the Easter Bunny as her lawyer. And the Boogeyman somehow bribed the Sandman to be his defense attorney." "So I guess this means my Christmas trip will be cancelled for the year!" said Santa sadly. "And it looks like that blizzard is coming this way!" shouted Wendy as they all looked up and saw a monster shaped blizzard coming their way. "Oh no!" gasped Sneezly. "I hate blizzards! They make me, sneeze! AH, AH, AHHH, CHOOOOOOO!" And that huge sneeze suddenly blew the blizzard away into oblivion!" "Boy, have I missed those supersonic sneezes of yours!" said Breezly. "Well, not really." "Excuse me!" said Sneezly sniffling. "That sneeze!" smiled Santa picking up Sneezly. "That beautiful blizzard killing sneeze!" "You think it's beautiful?" asked Sneezly. "What I'm saying is", said Santa. "Sneezly, with your nose like gun powder! Won't you guide my sleigh during my coldest hour?" Sneezly just smiled and lit up at Santa's request. * * * * * * Soon, Santa was sitting in the sleigh ready to take off. "Ready Sneezly?" he called out. "Sure am!" smiled Sneezly who was out in the front sitting on a cushion tied to Blitzen's antlers. "Then let's get Christmas cooking!" said Santa as he snapped the reins and the reindeer took off with Santa and Sneezly while Breezly, Wendy, and Speed Buggy waved them good luck. "Good luck little buddy", said Breezly. "Go and save Christmas little Sneezly", smiled Wendy. "Break a fender, sput, sput!" said Speed. Soon, the sleigh had approached one of the fiercest snow blizzards ever. And it looked liked it was filled with bunches of ladies on bicycles and broomsticks spinning around in it. "Ready to remove a snowstorm, my young apprentice?" "Just let me get peppered up", said Sneezly as he took out what looked like nasal spray. Only it was actually pepper spray. He sprayed it in his nostrils and felt one of his most powerful sneezes developing. "AH CHOOOOO!" shouted Sneezly blowing away the blizzard and making the night sky clear for Santa. "Wonderful!" smiled Santa. "You did it Sneezly! You saved Christmas! Now let's get started on the very first house!" and Santa commanded the reindeer to land on a rooftop. Then Santa got out of the sleigh, grabbed his sack, and was about to go down the chimney. "Good luck Santa", called out Sneezly from top of Blitzen's antlers. "You can come down with me too", smiled Santa. "I could use some help delivering these presents." "You mean it?!" smiled Sneezly as he hopped down and waddled over to Santa. Then they both slid down the chimney and into the living room of the house. Santa landed on his butt while Sneezly landed safely on Santa's pillow like stomach. "Hey Santa", said Sneezly. "I was wondering. Did you ever have to go down a chimney that still had a fire in it?" "Every year", said Santa. "But don't worry. My huge bottom always seems to squash out the fire. Why do you think I let myself go so much all these years?" And he showed Sneezly the singed coal marks on his red pants. "Oh look. Cookies!" smiled Santa taking the cookies and milk and gobbling it up. "Just what I need to make my butt even more fireproof. "I'd bet that'd be Yogi's dream job", thought Sneezly as Santa handed him the last cookie. After the presents were put under the tree and the stockings were filled, Santa pushed his magic nose and he and Sneezly magically shot up the chimney and back into the sleigh. "Wow!" smiled Sneezly who was back on Blitzen's antlers. "You got a more powerful nose than I do!" * * * * * * As the hours passed, Santa and Sneezly had flown to and visited every house of every good person in the entire world. And soon, they came to the town of Yabbadabbaville where Santa and Sneezly left the good people there all sorts of wonderful gifts as they slept in their homes. Scooby Doo got an Easy Bake Scooby Snack oven, Snagglepuss got a book of celebrities' addresses and phone numbers, Quick Draw McGraw got a new set of silver horseshoes autographed by Mr. Ed, Magilla Gorilla got a years supply of banana cream pies, Peter Potamus got a king sized electric toothbrush for his huge mouth, Augie Doggy and Doggy Daddy got father and son matching flea colors, Police Chief Dibble got a triple nightstick that allows him to club three criminals at the same time, The Hillbilly Bears got a new black and white TV, which for some reason seemed like the latest technology to them. And it showed Sneezly dropping a present in a garbage can for some reason then leaving. But it was actually the home of Top Cat who was still asleep while holding his present. * * * * * * At exactly 5:46 AM, Santa and Sneezly had returned to the North Pole where they were greeted by Breezly, Wendy, Speed Buggy, and the entire elf staff. "Hey, you did it Mr. C!" smiled Breezly checking his stopwatch. "You beat your latest record by one minute!" "You can thank my kind friend, Sneezly, for that!" smiled Santa picking him up and raising him so everybody could see him while all the elves cheered. "That's my little allergic to everything pal!" said Breezly. "So, how did it feel making an actual Christmas trip with Santa?" asked Wendy. "Oh, it was the best experience of my life!" said Sneezly excitedly. "Santa and I traveled around the world and we left presents. And we even stopped at Yabbadabbaville where we delivered presents to all our neighbors and... Oh my gosh! I forgot! Santa, we never stopped at HB House to deliver the presents to my friends! We gotta go back!" "Ho Ho Ho! Relax my friend", laughed Santa as he took out a smaller sack and handed it to Sneezly. "I planned for you to miss your house. For I want to give you the honor of delivering the presents to HB House on your way back home." Sneezly looked into the sack and found presents with the names of all his HB House friends on them. "I will Santa", said Sneezly with a joyous face. "You can count on me." * * * * * * Soon, Sneezly and Wendy were back inside Speed Buggy and Wendy gave him a second dose of the special fuel that allowed Speed to travel to the North Pole in eight minutes. "Oh boy! Sput, sput! A second helping! MERRY CHRISSSSSTMAAAASSS!" and he took off like a bolt of lightning while Santa, Breezly, and the elves waved goodbye to them. "Happy Holidays my friends!" called out Santa. "Come back and visit me, Sneezly!" called out Breezly. "Bye Breezly, bye Santa!" called out Sneezly waving goodbye to them! "And Merry Christmas!" And the flying Speed Buggy zoomed into the beautiful wintery sky where the sun was about to rise. * * * * * * A few hours later, we find Sneezly back at HB House sleeping under the Christmas tree, surrounded by presents. "Wake up sleepy seal", said Huck shaking Sneezly awake. "What, what is it?!" yawned Sneezly. "I was having a dream about Santa Claus." "It's Christmas Day!" smiled Huck who was surrounded by his friends. "We found you asleep under the Christmas tree", smiled Boo Boo. "And we didn't want to disturb you until the time was right", said the Prof. "I bet you stayed there all night so you could see Santa live", smiled Howler. "But it looks like the Sandman beat him to you!" "Probably not", said Sneezly. "The Sandman's still probably defending the Boogey.." But then Sneezly saw Wendy putting her finger against her lips and winking, signaling him to keep quiet about their Christmas adventure. "What was that?" asked Howler. "Oh, nothing", said Sneezly. "I guess I'm just excited that it's Christmas and I didn't miss it!" "Well, why don't you go ahead and open the gift Santa just left you?" smiled Huck as he pointed to a present Sneezly was using as a pillow. Sneezly smiled and started opening it up. "I wonder if it's the Snowball Blaster 9000 that elf confiscated from me last year." But instead it was a hand held video game, called Snowball Blaster 9000, the game. Sneezly clicked it on and it showed computer images of kids having snowball fights with bazookas. Sneezly smiled for it was a lot of fun. But then, he turned it around and found a note attached to it. Sneezly read it. "Dear Sneezly. I thought a video game version of the toy that caused last year's incident would be a lot safer. Keep being good and enjoy the New Year worry free. Merry Christmas from your friend, Santa Claus." "You deserve it too Sneezly", smiled Wendy giving the little seal a hug. "Hey look, Wendy", said Sneezly reaching for a present. "It looks like Santa left something for you too." "Santa left me a present?" smiled Wendy. "My first present from Santa Claus?" She opened it up and found it was a giant sparkly dreidel. "Cool!" smiled Howler. "You got a top!" "It's a dreidel", smiled Wendy. "Not just any dreidel. It's the new electronic Dreidel from Chasbro!" And she turned on a switch, spun it, and it started to light up while playing the famous Dreidel song. Then it landed on a side with a slot on it and it started ejecting chocolate coins like a slot machine. "That's really cool!" smiled Sneezly. "It's like a gift from Las Vegas", said Howler. "I bet Yogi would've loved to see those chocolate coins", said Boo Boo sadly. "But he can't." "But why?" asked Sneezly. "Is he out right now." "You can say he's out", said Huck pointing to the couch. There, he saw Yogi snoring heavily on the couch. "Can't you wake him up, like the way you woke me up?" asked Sneezly. "We can't", said the Prof. "Yogi's in hibernation mode." "Yep", said Huck sadly. "Yogi ate and drank all the caffeine in the house that we completely ran out. "With no more coffee or coffee flavored cookies, Yogi just zonked out", said Howler. "Poor Yogi", said Boo Boo sadly. "He wanted so badly not to miss Christmas. But he just ended up spending Christmas Eve getting all hyper. And now he's going to sleep all through Christmas day with no way to wake up until Spring." "Maybe Yogi's gift from Santa can help", said Sneezly as he searched under the tree and pulled out a picnic basket tied with a bow. He rushed over and placed it in front of Yogi's nose. Yogi started sniffing in his sleep and his eyes popped wide open. "Happy Birthday!" shouted Yogi rising up all awake! He saw the picnic basket Sneezly was holding and took it from him. "Yogi, you're awake!" shouted Boo Boo all happy. "A tisket a tasket!" shouted Yogi. "There's nothing like the smell of a Christmas pic-a-nic basket! Hey, hey, hey! Or around this time, Ho Ho Ho!" And he started searching through the Christmas goodies that Santa had packed him. "That sure was smart of you Sneezly" smiled Huck. "It's just like the story of Sleeping Beauty!" smiled Wendy. "Maybe we can have our own version of that story?" said Howler slyly as he started to pucker up. "Oh, very well", said Wendy as she gave Howler a quick kiss on the cheek. "Just that once, because it's the holiday season!" "My Christmas wish came true!" said Howler sliding on the floor while howling a peaceful Christmas howl. "Can you guys all forgive me for acting so goofy-type with the coffee yesterday?" asked Yogi. "Sure we can, Yogi", said Boo Boo. "After all, this is the time for forgiving." "Thanks Boob", smiled Yogi giving his bear buddy a hug. "Say Professor", said Yogi. "Can I use one of those caffeine patches so I can stay awake for New Years Eve?" "Sure Yogi", smiled the Prof. "But aren't you worried that it might rip off your armpit hair?" "I'll just shave my pits", smiled Yogi. "I should've done that in the first place." "I wish I remembered to do that before putting on that carnivore patch", sighed Howler holding the used patch he wore yesterday that had lots of hair stuck to it. "That reminds me", said Huck giving Howler a small present. "I wanted to give you something to show how sorry I am for accusing you for eating that ham." "It's gift certificates for Deputy Droopalong's Steak house!" smiled Howler. "I'm gonna get free steak for a year! Thanks Huck!" "Yer' Welcome", said Huck blushing. "And here's my Christmas-slash-rebirthday present to you my little piglet", smiled the Prof. as he gave the pig, that was once a lifeless ham, some glasses shaped like pineapple rings. "Where did that pig come from?" asked Wendy. "Let's just say you won't have to cook a Christmas ham for us this year", said Huck. "It's just a shame we won't be having a main course for Christmas dinner", said Boo Boo. "I'd offer to take all of you out to dinner with my Deputy Droopalong's Steak House certificates", said Howler. "But that place is closed on Christmas." "And I'd offer you some of the Christmas goodies in my pic-a-nic basket", said Yogi. "If I hadn't eaten them all already", and he turned the basket upside down showing only one single crumb left. "I know", smiled Wendy. "It's still a Hanukkah day. I can whip us up some potato pancakes! I'm sure you'll all like them!" "Yes, that would be fine", smiled Huck. "As long as we can all be together. Despite the different holidays we might celebrate." "Say, where are our other friends?" asked Sneezly. "They're out singing carols", said Boo Boo. "They should be home anytime now." "Merry Christmas everyone!" called out Coutnry, Jabber, Wally, and Dynomutt coming in." "Merry Christmas fellas", smiled Huck. "How did the caroling contest go?" "It was downright fun", smiled Country. "We heard lots of beautiful carolers sing lots of pretty songs." "Did you win the contest?" asked Boo Boo. "Not really", said Wally. "But what about Dynomutt's voice box that can imitate any singer?" asked the Prof. "Oh sure, it looked like we were in the lead when Dynomutt sang in every voice of every famous singer", said Jabber. "But it turned out, every famous singer I had recorded in my voicebox had entered the contest", said Dynomutt. "The ones that were still alive, at least." "And we ended up in last place", said Country. "But you guys don't looked so bummed", said Yogi. "That's because we won the best booby prize ever!" smiled Wally. "Show 'em Jabber." And Jabber took out a huge tureen and lifted the cover. "A whole supply of spicy chicken wings with a variety of dipping sauces!" smiled Jabber. "YUK, YUK, YUK!" "Just enough to give a Christmas dinner for a boarding house of friends!" smiled Country. "HOORAY!" shouted everyone in the house. * * * * * * That evening, everyone was gathered at the table having a wonderful dinner of potato pancakes Wendy had made and the chicken wings that the HB House Christmas carolers got for coming in last place. "This is the best Christmas day ever!" smiled Sneezly raising his glass. "And the best Hanukkah night ever!" smiled Wendy. "For I'm spending it with the best friends I can ask for!" "Hey look!" called out Huck pointing out the window. Everyone turned around and saw a brightly shining star shining out the window. Everyone rushed outside while Speed rushed out of his garage to gaze at the star. Then the star started to climb the fire escape ladder and plant itself on top of the roof. "Could it be The Star of Christmas?!" gasped Boo Boo. But it turned out to be Goober using his invisibility power. And he reappeared holding a battery powered Christmas star. "Aw, Goober!" said everyone. "Hey, I've always wanted to be a dog star!" Goober thought to himself. "But it's still a nice gesture", smiled Huck. "Happy Holidays everyone!" "HAPPY HOLIDAYS!" shouted the gang. Then they all started singing, Peace on Earth, while Goober turned invisible again so it would look like a floating star again. Then everyone in Yabbadabbaville joined the HB gang in the joyous singing. Then we look up at the beautiful night sky where the real Star of Christmas was shining. And to everyone who had just read this Christmas fanfic. Happy Holidays. :) THE END.