GHOST HOST:
When hinges creak in doorless chambers and strange and frightening sounds
echo through the halls, whenever candlelights flicker where the air is deathly
still, that is the time when ghosts are present, practicing their terror with
ghoulish delight. Welcome, foolish mortals, to the Haunted Mansion. I am your
host, your Ghost Host. Kindly step all the way in please, and make room for
everyone. There's no turning back now. 
Our tour begins here in this gallery,
where you see paintings of some of our guests as they appeared in their
corruptible, mortal state. 
Your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of
foreboding, almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis. Is this
haunted room actually stretching? Or is it your imagination? And consider this
dismaying observation: this chamber has no windows, and no doors. Which
offers you this chilling challenge: to find a way out! Of course, there's always
my way. Oh, I didn't mean to frighten you prematurely. The real chills come
later. Now, as they say, "look alive," and we'll continue our little tour. And let's
all stay together, please. There are several prominent ghosts who have retired
here from creepy old crypts all over the world. Actually, we have 999 happy
haunts here, but there's room for a thousand. Any volunteers? If you insist on
lagging behind, you may not need to volunteer.
And now a carriage approaches to take you into the boundless realm of the
supernatural. Take your loved ones by the hand, please, and kindly watch your
step. Oh yes, and no flash pictures, please. We spirits are frightfully sensitive
to bright lights. And heed this warning: the spirits will materialize only if you remain
quietly seated at all times. We find it delightfully unlivable here in this ghostly
retreat. Every room has wall-to-wall creeps and hot and cold running chills. Sh,
listen.
All our ghosts have been dying to meet you. This one can hardly
contain himself. Unfortunately, they all seem to have trouble
getting through. Perhaps Madam Leota can establish contact. She has a remarkable
head for materializing the disembodied.
Too timid to take the rest of the tour of the mansion? Take the side exit, here.
Or, you can visit the:
