Sgt. Hulka (Warren Oates): Cause I'm gonna teach every last one of you how to eat, sleep, walk, talk, shoot, shit like a United States Soldier.

)

(Russell leads the platoon in "Do a dity, dity dum, dity do")

big_toe.wav(258K)

John: An Army without leaders is like a foot without a big toe. And Sergeant Hulka isn't always gonna be there to be that big toe for us. I think that we owe a big round of applause to our newest bestest buddy and big toe Sergeant Hulka.

toe_ass.wav(86K)

Sergeant: So you better hit them bunks my little babies, or Sergeant Hulka with the big toe is gonna see how far he can stick it up your ass.

15_17.wav(44K)

Sergeant: 15... 16... 17....

27_28.wav(25K)

Sergeant: 27... 28....

51_52.wav(100K)

John: Sergeant, I think it's a bad idea to march today. You know it is the cold and flu season.
Sergeant: 51... 52....

finish.wav(127K)

Russell: You're gonna finish basic training.
John: Oh yeh.
Russell: You're gonna keep your mouth shut.
John: Oh yeh.
Russell: And you're gonna do everything He tell ya.
John: Oh yeh.
Russell: And do you know why?.
John: Why?
Russell: Because you talked me into this that's why you idiot. It was your idea.

suckhole.wav(231K)

Sergeant: Alright, any of you suckholes want to come up here and knock me off.
(sound of morter being fired)
Sargeant: Oh shit! Incoming!
(Explosion)

bingo.wav(234K)

Captain Stillman (John Larroquette): Well explain yourselves.
Ox (John Candy): Well sir, we were going to the bingo parlor at the YMCA. Well one thing lead to another and the instructions got all fouled up there and we ended up...
Stillman: Shut up.
Ox: Ok sir.

10_and_1.wav(333K)

John: So we're all dog-faces. We're all very very different. But, there is one thing we all have in common. We were all stupid enough to enlist in the army. W're mutants. There's something wrong with us. Something very very wrong with us. Something seriously wrong with us. We're soldiers. But, we're American soldiers, and we've been kicken' ass for 200 years. We're ten and one!

training.wav(137K)

General Barnike: Where the hell have you been Soldier.
John: Training Sir.
Platoon: Training Sir.
General: What kind of training son.
John: Army training sir.
Platoon: Army training sir.

blownup.wav(244K)

General: Where's your drill sergeant men?
John: Blown up sir.
Platoon: Blown up sir.
Stillman: Yes sir these are Sgt. Hulka's men. He was injured during basic training.
General: I see. So am I to understand that you men completed your training on your own?
John: That's the fact Jack.
Platoon: That's the fact Jack.

makebunk.wav(180K)

Ox: What are you doing. No no, get off, get off. See you gotta make my bunk. See we're in Italy. The guy on the top bunk has gotta make the guy on bottom bunk's he's gotta make his bunk all the time. See it's in the regulations. See if we were in Gremany I would have to make your's, but we're in Italy and you gotta make mine. It's regulations.

no_ok.wav(136K)

John: We can take um up in the alps for a little spin.
Russell: No.
John: Oh Yah.
Russell: No.
John: Ho hoh Yah.
Russell: No.
John: Yah.
Russell: No.
John: Yah.
Russell: No.
John: Yah.
Russell: No.
John: Yah.
Russell: No.
John: Yah.
Russell: No John no.
John: I'll drive.
Russell: OK.

washed.wav(200K)

Stillman: OHH!!!!
Stillman's date: Are you gonna get sick ar something.
Stillman: Where the fuck's my truck? Where's my truck? Hey! Where is the EM 50?
Guard: A couple of soldiers took it to get it washed sir.
Stillman: Took it to get it washed?

animals.wav(120K)

John: Alright Clause Hold it up right here. Hoa. We got some naked animals in there we don't want you to see. Here you are. Clause whas-is-dat? Aiy-ya! Here, more worthless money for you.

wisconsn.wav(94K)

John: Come on it's Czecheslovakia. We zip in we pick them up we zip right out again. We're not going to Moscow. It's Czecheslovakia. It's like going into Wisconsin.

armed_rv.wav(128K)

John: They got one big gun. They got a couple-a tanks. They got a hundred Bourishnicoffs running around in Ichiwan outfits.
Russell: Yah, what do we got?
John: We got? What do we got? What are you talking about? We got one heavily armed recreational vehicle man.

serious.wav(61K)

Russell: No no no, No questions please. We just want to go back to our hotel room and have some really serious sex.

party.wav(106K)

John: What's the? A surprise party. I'll kill ya. Who's Idea was this? Alright everybody's coming to my place. This is rediculous.