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#4 Religious
Contents:
- Golfing
- The Hotel
- Gambling
- Rabbi visting Trids
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A priest and three nuns were playing a foursome. At the third tee-off, the
priest's ball slices into the wood and he starts swearing *%?&**)
(?*__*)(*?%$# @#$E?%* &?( &&*. Dark clouds then accumulate over the green,
God appears and says:
- 'Thou shall not take my name in vain!'
All trembling, the priest and nuns resume their game after a bit of prayer.
On the sixth hole, the priest's ball ends in the sand pit and the priest
starts swearing *%?&**) (?*__*)(*?%$# @#$E?%* &?( &&* again. Like after the
first swears, dark clouds accumulate over the green, God appears and says:
- 'Thou shall not take my name in vain! And I am serious: the next time,
thou shall be punished!'
After another bit of prayer, the game resumes and everything goes well
until the last hole, where the priest misses his put and starts swearing.
He suddenly puts his hand over his mouth, but too late: dark clouds
accumulate over the green, a strange wind starts howling, and a bright
thunder bolt zig-zags from the Heaven and, in the last few feet, changes
direction and electrocutes the three nuns. A voice is then heard from
Heaven:
- '*%?&**) (?*__*)(*?%$# @#$E?%* &?( &&*'!!!
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A priest and nun are on their way back home from a convention when
their car breaks down. They are unable to get repairs completed and
it appears that they will have to spend the night in a motel.
The only motel in this town has only one room available so they have a
minor problem.
PRIEST: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under
the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room.
I'll sleep on the couch and you take the bed.
SISTER: I think that would be okay.
They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the
room. Ten minutes later...
SISTER: Father, I'm terribly cold.
PRIEST: Okay, I'll get up and get you a blanket from the closet.
Ten minutes later...
SISTER: Father, I'm still terribly cold.
PRIEST: Okay Sister, I'll get up and get you another blanket.
Ten minutes later...
SISTER: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord
would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night.
PRIEST: You're probably right... Get up and get your own damn
blanket.
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A rabbi a priest and a minister were playing poker when there was a knock
at the door.
"who is it?"
"police! we have a report there's illegal gambling going on here."
long pause, noise of shuffling and scurrying. when the door is finally
opened, there is a table covered with books and coffee mugs. the chief
cop looks around suspiciously, but is inhibited by these men of the cloth
from actually investigating.
"excuse me, father," he says turning to the priest, "but i must ask you.
were you gambling?"
the priest looks skyward, mumbles, "forgive me father" under his breath,
and says "no, I was not."
"excuse me reverand," the cop says, turning to the minister, " but i must
ask you as well."
the minister looks skyward,, mumbles "forgive me father" and says "no."
"and you rabbi? were you gambling?" asks the cop of his last suspect.
the rabbi looks at his colleagues, and then at the cop, and says,
"with whom?"
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A Rabbi in the Valley of the Trids
The town of Tridville was small but prosperous and lay in a high valley
surrounded by higher mountains. The Trids (for that is what they named
themselves) were wealthy enough to love more than work and humble enough to
make more than money. Little disturbed their peace until a late autumn
night.
On that night, the Trids beheld a small but bright light gleaming from the
top of a neighboring mountain. Curious in their ease, they soon essayed to
climb the mountain (the highest of those around) to discover the source of
the light.
None arrived at the summit. At a point about halfway to the peak an
extension of the mountain, seemless in the granite and shaped like an
immense foot, lurched from the slope and hurled the luckless climber from
the slope. Strangely, few were harmed by the fall, but none reached the
peak.
And so for years, decades, and then centuries the Trids wondered what
could be the source of that radiant glow? Then, one day, a Rabbi entered
the village and learned of the mystery of Trid Valley.
The Rabbi was fascinated by the story and felt the touch of God in its
weave. That night he watched the light and knew. He knew that he had been
chosen to seek its source.
The Trids were not jealous of their mysteries; they invited the Rabbi to
climb the peak the next day... and made all preparations for his inevitable
fall. Thus, he set out.
That afternoon, the Rabbi reached Foot's Fall, the point where the
mountain made its wishes known..... and nothing happened. The Rabbi
continued upwards to the cheers of the town; at sunset he reached the
summit.
There, on the mountain's brow, he stumbled to a halt. Before him stood a
brilliant temple bathed in celestial light, encircled be a holy sheen.
The Rabbi was awed. Finally, he summoned the strength to murmur a
question and a prayer. "Oh Lord, thank you for this vision! But why have I
been chosen to surmount this peak? Why not the good people of Tridville in
the many years they have tried?"
And to the Rabbi's eternal joy, God responded. In the booming voice of
heaven (or so says the haftarah), He said :
"Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids."
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