God Speaks to us!
We have all read the verses in the Bible of God speaking
to the prophets of old, to countless people either in a dream,
through a messenger or angel. I have always wondered why
he did not speak to me. It may well be that I was not ready
to listen or hear. He knows our needs and when and what
we need to know, it is up to us to listen with our hearts and
mind.
I received an email asking for prayer and I prayed as I
have in the past for this person, but this time it was different
I heard the Lord speak to me. The email was full of despair
and hopelessness, self pity, and guilt. As I read it I prayed for
her, when I was finished a voice within in me said that is you.
The circumstances for the pain and agony and despair where
different but the result was the same.
I was wallowing in my own self pity about things and events
that were happening in my life. Although I put on a happy
face and try to be perky and positive to those who I encountered
deep inside I was dying. I covered it well to al,l but those who
know me well. I was enveloping my self in my own despair.
Yet this pain I was self inflicting I placed its blame on me
and those I held dear.
Faced with loosing my house, growing apart from my husband
two hearts that beat as one where slowly becoming two again.
When reading this email that came and realizing that this is how
I felt and what was I going to do about it, was I to let it take
hold and let it contine to do its destruction and let it
bring me down into the pits of gloom, let it continue to fill
me
and destroy my life. The "poor me, why me" mentality I had
been using and allowing to take hold of me could not continue.
What ever the reason for the hard times I am facing, God has
a better plan for me. God spoke to me though that little inner
"thought voice". The house is but a shell, the home is where
the hear lies and where you make it.The house has been a
thorne in our side since we bought it 10 years ago. It has
brought many pains to us. We have struggled to keep it
afloat, but it is sinking fast and we will have to let it go.
Granted it is our home, cozy and warm, filled with fond
memories and some bitter. We can make our home anywhere
for we the family are the home. The memories so fond we
can bring with us ,lock in the treasury of our hearts. The bitter
we leave behind. The house is but a structure easy to be replaced
but a broken home and family can never be replaced.
During this time I placed alot of guilt on me and blame on
my husband ,than feeling guilty I placed all the blame on me.
"I should of tried harder, I should of worked harder, why is
God allowing this to happen to me". I sank deeper and deeper
within my gloom. Thinking I was hiding it, but it was spreading
to all whom I love. Comminication became just words, careless
thoughtless words, tended to hurt and harm. I retreated into my
self more and more. Tempers flared and the marriage was at
its breaking point. This was not a christian home nor was it
what God wanted . I heard His word loud and clear work
through this, you will see this is where you were ment to be.
We talked and talked and listened to each other. It was a time
of self discovery and realization. We heard each other as never
before. I knew that the marriage would be saved
I still wallowed in my pain. Than the email came and God
spoke to me and gave me a choice. I can continue on and
worry and fret, feel the guilt I placed on me, or let it go
and start anew. Life is what you make of it. The decision
was mine and mine alone, to continue on my path of self
destruction or pick my self up, brush my self off and go on
and look to the brighter side, or continue to let the evil
agony continue to fester and breed.
I prayed as I have never prayed and this burden I feel
is lifting from me. I was also reminded of how God does
speak to us in many ways. A few days ago my almost
3 year old had climbed up on the kitchen counter and
than to the top of the microwave to help himself to cereal.
He has done this countless times before and still does it now.
But on this day a message came to me through the action and
deed of a small child. I heard his anguished plea 'Mommy
help me' I knew what he was doing and rushed to him as
I have in the past and still do. There he was hanging on the
cabinet, one arm holding tight, the other craddling the box
of cereal. One leg perched on the microwave, the other dangling
searching for a safe place to rest. As I reached out like many
times before and he felt the security of my hands on his waist.
This tiny tot just fell back into my safe and loving arms. He
knew mommy would save him, no fear no doubt, all trust had
he in me. Than I heard the voice "this is the faith you should
place in God". Unwavering, unfaultering, complete trust.
From this simple deed I learned what I needed.
God does speak to us if we listen. It was not just for the people
of old, it its here now for you and me. It may be a letter,
it might be a stranger, a childs action or a dream. We must
open our hearts and mind. God is waiting to speak to guide
and help.
This cyber pal may never know of the help she has given.
I may of come on strong to her, words she may not of
wanted to hear, but the message she sent to me God made
clear. This is you! so what are you to do. I thank her for
opening my heart so that I could hear what God said to me.
I hope that this message will fall upon the ears that need to hear.
God will strike that spark in those who need to know,they will
know and feel this was ment to help me. It may not be for
everyone you will know .
God Bless,
ThunderQueen
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