|
|
"I never knew such
fascination could exist, as I found online. My own life was oppressive; my world had grown
confining. Then came ONLINE. New learning experiences, new people, jokes and laughter!
People who seemed to care what I had to say, people who reacted to me. I felt validated! I
felt female; I felt alive! A few minutes online became a few hours, became alot of
hours. At it's worst, I felt depressed if I couldn't be online; I couldn't walk by the room
it was in without seeing who was "online". It was the first thing I
thought about in the morning, and I had to haul myself away at night, so exhausted
sometimes I could barely make it to bed. I resented coming offline to cook for the family;
my other housework remained undone. I felt I deserved the time of happiness, for all the
UN happy times before. I felt my real life becoming more and more unbearable, while my
online life became more promising. There was a split between the two lives. It
became harder and harder to talk to any of my REAL associates, who were
not also online, as I was having no REAL (not online) experiences to share with them,
and they did not understand my online experiences. My family
became resentful, and I resented THEM for not understanding. I knew I was addicted. I would
have rather died than have given it up. It felt like my last refuge, my last great hope.
Then, gradually, it became not as wonderful. It even got a little repetitive,
boring. Thank God! I was able to pull back a little. I was starting to see how I had lost
my real life to it. Things left undone began to gnaw at my
consciousness, at my guilty conscience. I still am standing
at this threshold, in part, still drawn in, in part wanting to get offline
all together." |